The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma And Why You FEEL LOST In Life With Deb Krier

Let’s start with a simple definition. Trauma isn’t just about huge, life-altering events—it’s also about the small but significant experiences that leave a mark on us emotionally, mentally, or even physically. Trauma can look like growing up feeling unseen, experiencing rejection, or even a series of smaller moments that chipped away at your confidence. In this episode, Deb Krier joins the conversation to share her journey of resilience and how trauma—both big and small—can shape our lives. So many of us walk around carrying unaddressed trauma, not realizing how much it affects our relationships, our choices, and even how we see ourselves.

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The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma And Why You FEEL LOST In Life With Deb Krier

In this episode, we’re diving into a topic that’s deeply personal and often misunderstood but incredibly important, which is trauma. Before you stop reading, thinking, “This episode is not for me. This is going to be too heavy,” let me assure you that this is going to be a real conversation with no clinical jargon or expert lectures. We are real people sharing real stories about how trauma can affect us and what it means when we feel lost in life.

How about we start with a simple definition? Trauma isn’t just about a huge life-altering event. It’s also about the small but significant experiences that leave a mark on us emotionally, mentally, or even physically. Trauma can look like growing up feeling unseen, experiencing rejection, or even a series of smaller moments that chip away at your confidence.

Here’s why I want to have this conversation. Many of us walk around carrying unaddressed trauma, not realizing how much it affects our lives, relationships, choices we make, and even how we see ourselves. Trauma can impact that. It’s not enough that, as human beings, we struggle with our inner selves, but trauma keeps us from facing ourselves.

I’m joined by an amazing guest. She’s an amazing everyday woman like you and me. We’re going to share our personal journeys with trauma and what helped us navigate those feelings of being lost. Before we get started, I need to say this isn’t about fixing anyone. That’s not it. It’s not about finding all the answers, either. What is it about? It is about being vulnerable, open, and honest, and just maybe finding a little clarity together. Let’s get into it.

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I can’t wait to share our next guest with you. Here we go. Our guest is an amazing person. She is a survivor, to say the least. She is an Entrepreneur, Cancer Advocate, and the visionary behind tryingnottodie.LIVE. With a background in communications, marketing, and public relations, she navigated diverse roles, from spearheading communication strategies for large corporations, small companies, and nonprofit organizations to founding her marketing agency.

She was diagnosed with Stage 4 triple-positive breast cancer in 2015, basal cell carcinoma in 2021, and thyroid cancer in 2023. She founded tryingnottodie.LIVE in 2022. As a dynamic advocate and speaker, she passionately champions resilience, empowerment, and community building amid adversity, inspiring others to navigate the complexity of cancer with courage and power. Please help me to welcome Deb Krier.

It is a pleasure for you to be here with us. Thank you so much for being so amazing and being a passionate champion for resilience, empowerment, courage, grit, power, and inspiring others. Thank you, Deb, for being here. I know our plate is full and your schedule is very busy. I’m honored that you said yes to being a guest. Usually, I ask my guests to share how we met, but this is our first time meeting one another. It’s all good and it’s okay. With that, you can share how we were connected.

I love it. First of all, I’m the one who is honored to be on your fabulous show. Seriously, I need some of your energy. You are fantastic and we’re going to have such a great chat. We were introduced by the lovely and talented Noemi. She is someone that I work with who has been promoting me to be a guest on podcasts. She is very selective because she’s very picky and only picks the very best. I know we’re going to have so much fun.

Recognizing Trauma: Reflecting On Life’s Moments

Thank you again. How about we jump into the discussion? When you hear the word trauma, what comes to mind for you? Let me put a little pause on it. Did you always recognize certain moments as traumatic?

Trauma, to me, is a fear thing. The fight or flight thing might say, “Run away, danger.” I’ve always recognized that. I grew up in the mountains of Colorado. My dad worked out with wildlife. That was what he did. He was a wildlife conservation manager. I got to see a lot of that firsthand with what fight or flight would be and things like that. It’s always interesting. We have the strength to stay. Sometimes, it’s smarter to run away and all of those things, but trauma is something that is different for every single person and how we react to it is different. I’ve gotten better at it because this has been quite a bumpy ride. At the same point, there are times when I’m like, “I’m done.”

Feeling Lost After Trauma: Navigating The Aftermath

We have those moments. I do agree. Trauma impacts us differently. It depends on how we react to it and how we manage it. I appreciate that. Let me ask you this. There are a lot of people who describe feeling lost or stuck after experiencing trauma. I want to emphasize that we’re not talking about something huge. Although trauma is trauma at the end of the day, we’re also talking about the small ones. A lot of people describe feeling lost or stuck after they experience trauma. Knowing your journey, I know you felt that way. What was it like for you?

We do feel lost and stuck because our first instinct is to protect ourselves and go into, “I don’t want to deal with it,” mode. Many times, we stay there. We stay stuck, but we can’t. We have to deal with it. When I was first diagnosed, I was pissed. I told my doctor, “I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this.” She looked at me like, “You realize you don’t get a vote in this.” It was something that was so interesting.

Part of the stuck and the lost is we also don’t want to deal with it. We want to ignore it and hope it goes away. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. There are other types of trauma where we can hunker down, as they say here in Georgia. Things will pass. It doesn’t always happen that way. We can’t be the turtle. We have to put our heads out, see what’s going on, and then deal with it.

When you were diagnosed, you were mad. You got angry with it. I can relate to being angry about something that happened. You’re feeling stuck in it because the first thing you think is, “What can I do about it,” as if you had a choice to raise your hand and say, “I want to play with one.”

“I’ll check that box.”

I get what you’re saying. Sometimes, trauma doesn’t hit us all at once. Knowing what you went through, I know that it shows up in small ways. During your journey, have you noticed patterns or a habit in your life that you think might be connected to past trauma?

It’s the ignore and it will go away. There are times when I’m ready, I’m going to leap in, and I’m going to deal with it, but in many cases, it’s like, “No, I’m not going to deal with this. I’m going to ignore it.” Unfortunately, I can’t. That’s where it gets frustrating. When I have to rest because I will hit some pain levels, I’m stopping for the day. You then get annoyed. The thing that I’ve also discovered is trauma can be little things. I almost died three times. Whatever.

I’m glad that you’re still here.

Thank you. I remember thinking I get a vote but sometimes it is something little like I can’t go for a walk and I want to go for a walk and then I fall apart. I’ll see something on TV that will, all of a sudden, hit me in a way where I get all weepy. I am not a weepy person. You never know with trauma where it’s going to come up. Some of the stuff that’s big, I’m like, “Whatever.” When they told me that I had cancer number three, my doctor called and it’s never good when the doctor calls. I saw her on the caller ID and she said, “It is papillary thyroid cancer.” It’s its official name. I said, “Bad words that I can’t say to you.” She laughed and said, “That’s why you’ll get through this just fine.” I was annoyed. Little things will set me off but with big things, I’m like, “Whatever.”

The Ripple Effect Of Trauma: Its Impact On Family

What I hear you saying as well is that the diagnosis was one traumatic experience but in coping with all three diagnoses, there were small traumatic moments, such as not being able to go out for a walk when you wanted to. That’s a traumatic small moment. Also, think of the impact that the small traumatic moments have not only on you but on your family.

Can you share how the trauma impacted your family? They weren’t diagnosed but yet they went through trauma. We’re talking about as we go through life, there’s unaddressed trauma. I’m quite sure they did but what was the experience of the traumatic experience that they experienced? What impact did it have on them?

In many ways, it’s harder because they want to fix it and they can’t fix it. We don’t have children. It’s me, my husband, and then my mother. I had a complication from my very first chemo treatment. That was the first time I almost died. The doctors argued over how fast I would die that day. They were giving me hours. We live in Atlanta and my mother, at that point, lived in Kansas. He had to call and tell her, “You need to get out here. You’re probably not going to get here fast enough.”

I can’t imagine having to deal with that as a parent. Her way of dealing with trauma is that she’s in charge. I have a college friend who called her the general. My mother never quite understood that that was not a compliment. She was going to fix it. What she couldn’t fix, she was going to knock into shape. That is the way that we deal with stuff a lot of the time.

One of the other things that surprised me was that some people couldn’t deal with it. I had friends who dropped off the face of the earth. People who I thought would be some of my biggest supporters, nope. Others needed to take a beat. My best friend lives in Colorado, and I texted her but didn’t get a response. I was hurt and all sorts of things. She finally responded and said, “I’m having trouble dealing with this. Give me a little bit.” She’s come out twice to Atlanta and all sorts of things.

The thing with trauma is we have to feel it, acknowledge it, and give ourselves and others the grace to get through it. Did I get annoyed when my mother was in charge? Yes. It was pick your battles. “Could she do that? Yeah, that was okay.” When she started rearranging my kitchen, it was like, “No. It’s time for you to go home.” Was that traumatic? I don’t know.

The kitchen still looks the way that you want it to look. It has a greater impact on you. I totally get it. I appreciate how you shared that with trauma, rather big or small, we have to acknowledge it. What I want to say is to receive it. We have to give ourselves and others grace. The last two are tough because we’re our worst critics, so we always beat ourselves up.

Self-Reflection During Trauma: Questions And Inner Dialogue

It may be a little easier to give someone else grace but it tends to be a little harder to give ourselves grace because I’m quite sure there are a lot of questions. I know with trauma, no matter how big or small, there are questions. If you can share, what was the question that popped into your head? What were you asking yourself? What were you saying to yourself? How did you treat yourself?

Probably one of the first questions, and this happens with many people who are diagnosed with any type of serious illness, is, “Why me? What did I do to cause this?” It’s very much like dealing with grief and then we start bargaining. “God, if you keep me alive, I promise I’ll go to church every Sunday. I will do better on my exercising and dieting.” All of those things play into it.

The other thing is we have to feel it at whatever level it is. When we don’t, it gets built. The tiny little thing is what makes you go cuff flow. It’s ongoing. I’m still in active treatment. I go in every 21 days. I’m always having things. Whatever the trauma is, we have to feel it. Otherwise, it will build up and explode. It’s not that you have one thing that happens. You have one thing, another thing, and then another thing. The thing is, you just keep going.

Healing After Trauma: What Made A Difference

The big trauma like you’re speaking about cancer, the loss of a loved one, or a car accident, we can focus on that but then there are subtle impacts and traumas from that, which I spoke about before that we tend not to pay attention to because the big trauma has a majority of our focus. As you shared about your mother and husband, I’m thinking your husband having to manage all of that and how that traumatized him, even having to call your mother to say what he said. I know that healing helps. It’s the thing. We all want to heal, even in small ways. What has helped you start healing? Was it people, habits, or moments? What was it that made a difference for you?

It was my community, the people who I am around. I tell people, “I’m a warrior.” You call me a patient and I get annoyed. I know not everybody likes that term but the thing is, warriors are never alone. We always have our tribes. Who is it that we’re bringing in that’s going to help us through this process? It’s your religious leaders, medical people, and caregivers. All of those people are part of your tribe. Those are the people who help you get through it.

I have a private Facebook group where I have to update people on my personal stuff. Every time I have something that’s going on, I know that there are people who are praying for me, sending healing thoughts, and all of those things. I’m never alone. That’s the thing that I always remember. I remember one time I was going in for one of my surgeries because I’d had a whole bunch. I remember thinking, “I can’t die. They’ll all be mad at me.”

That was good.

It’s a different accountability.

Advice For Those Stuck In Trauma: Finding Hope

I’m quite sure they still love you. Let me ask you. If there was someone reading who is stuck in their trauma or feels lost in life because of their trauma, what would you say to them?

The first is it’s okay to feel what you are feeling. That’s one of the things. We feel guilty. No. Think, “How can I make it better?” Take baby steps. This is not like, “I’m going to fix it all right away.” It’s, “I don’t even want to leave my house any longer.” Walk to the mailbox. Take a walk around the block, call a friend, take baby steps, and surround yourself with people who you know are going to support you because there are some who aren’t. Find those people like Dr. Kim. Her energy alone would be something that would uplift everyone. Find those people in your life and be honest with them. Tell them, “I need your help.”

The Root Cause Of Trauma: Key Takeaways

What is that one thing that our audience can take away from this conversation that we’re having about the root cause of trauma and why you feel lost in life?

It’s normal. It’s going to happen. When we are a little bit too much Pollyanna, things rise and bite us but we can also control our reaction to things and what we’re putting ourselves through. If you get upset at watching everything that’s going on in the news, then turn the news off. Stop doom scrolling on Facebook. Take those little steps. What you’re going through is perfectly normal and everybody feels it.

You’re not alone, is what I hear you saying. Deb Krier, thank you so much. Before we sum all this up, how can our audience connect directly with you?

The easy way is to go to the website, which is www.TryingNotToDie.LIVE. You’ll find on there that we do have a Facebook group for Tryingnottodie.LIVE. You’ll find my contact information there too. I’m also on the socials. You can find me as Deb Krier. I’m the only redhead Deb Krier, so it’s pretty easy to find me. There are only three in the whole world but you find my little picture and that’s me.

Deb, it has been a pleasure meeting you for the very first time. Thank you so very much for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing you. Your vulnerability is going to help so many people who are reading this episode. For that, we are grateful and humbled. Thank you guys for reading. Thank you, Deb, for being here. We truly appreciate you. With that being said, I want to say bye-bye to you, Deb, as we go into another segment of this show.

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Big thanks. A big shot of a love to Deb Krier. Thank you again and again. I want to close out this episode by personally sharing my experience with trauma, allowing me to share my vulnerability and how I began to understand trauma on a personal level. You guys know that I’ve experienced a major trauma with the loss of my first husband. I spoke about it in my first episode so if you haven’t read that, go back and you’ll get all the details.

What I did not realize after the death of my first husband was the small traumas that occurred while I was on the journey. I was impacted dramatically when I had to even think about telling my family what had happened and dealing with that. Here’s another one. I lost myself. I did not know who I was. At that time, it was so traumatic for me.

I remember sharing with you that my identity was wrapped up in my late husband. I lost everything about me because that was my focus. I was focused on that huge traumatic experience and those small experiences hit me hard as well. I felt lost and that was a moment of realization for me. It took a minute. It wasn’t overnight. It was like, “Who am I? Why can’t I? Why do I feel lost? Why do I feel the way that I’m feeling but not knowing who I am or who I was then?” I’m clear on who I am now.

I didn’t know that it was an emotional side of feeling lost. The trauma of feeling lost left me feeling a lot of uncertainty about my life. I wasn’t sure. I lost confidence. I was afraid. All of those things occur because of the small traumatic experience that we have. I did not know who I was anymore. To rebuild my sense of self, let me say that did not occur overnight. It took some time and I had to be intentional to rebuild my sense of self.

One of the things that I did was Deb spoke about it as well. She said, “Surround yourself with people who love you.” That’s what I did. Not only do they love me, but they also encourage and support me. She also made a point. That’s not everybody. There are going to be some people who you’re going to think will be there, but they’re not. You also have to give those people grace because they, too, are dealing with the trauma that comes when we have traumatic experiences.

It impacts our loved ones and the people that are around them. I want to say that this was one of the first things that I did. When I can say the rebuilding of the sense of myself, I want to say that’s when it started. People started seeing in me things that I couldn’t see, especially my current husband. He saw so much in me and I was so clueless about it. That is when the rebuilding of the sense of myself began or started.

That’s why I wanted to say that my healing began but it’s not always about healing in one big moment. Yes, I did heal from that but I also had to learn how to navigate the small traumatic experiences into my day-to-day life. I had to remind myself every day of who I am. I did at first in the thought. I am amazing. I am strong. I have tenacity. First, I had to write some of these things down. I’m not going to lie to you. I had to write them down, so I had to think about these things.

What I did was speak to myself. I said these things to myself. I say them in my head and then out loud. I took a step further and said it in front of a mirror. I needed to hear myself say these things while looking myself in the eye. That’s when the confidence came and I was able to believe what I was hearing myself say. Not only did I hear, but I also listened to what I was saying.

Doing this daily helped me to feel more grounded and feel more real about myself. It helped me to accept myself as I was on this journey. Please note this. I did not do this alone. I needed a support system from my friends, family, and even the medical community. They helped me tremendously. I also started journaling. I was writing down these thoughts. I sought out therapy. I saw a therapist and that was important.

I want to say the combination of therapy, journaling, a support system, and all of these things together was wonderful for me and it worked for me. I say this all the time. I am a Jesus follower. Therefore, speaking to God, sitting in his presence, and allowing him to love on me was my most helpful resource. I took the time out and some of you call it prayer but I talked to God like I’m talking to you on this show as if he’s standing or sitting right here with me.

Sometimes, I’m quiet, sitting in his presence. Sometimes, I’m humming. Sometimes I’m just there, thinking of him, and allowing him to love me more. That was my most helpful resource. Many of us walk around carrying unaddressed trauma, not realizing how much it affects our lives, relationships, and the choices that we make. I want to encourage you to address the small.

Big traumas are there and you’re going to deal with them. I also want you to address the small but significant experiences that have left a mark on you emotionally, mentally, or even physically. We have to address them. Do not allow them to go unaddressed. In life, we all have trauma. We all experience it. Not one of us is exempt from it. Know that you are not alone. The situation will pass. You will heal and get better. You don’t want to sit in it and do nothing.

You don’t want your small unaddressed traumas if it is rejection, feeling lost, uncertain, or confused. You don’t want to do nothing. After acknowledging your trauma, feel it and accept it. After you do that, make a decision not to allow the trauma, regardless of how big or small it may be to consume you. Know that you are valuable. You are very important, you matter, and you are enough.

Let’s not allow it to consume us. Trauma doesn’t always look like what we see in a movie. It can be quiet, subtle, and deeply personal. Whether your trauma is big or small, it matters. More importantly, you matter, you are valuable, and you are important. Feeling loss is not a sign of failure. Having a traumatic experience is not a failure. It is often a sign that you’re growing, healing, or figuring out what truly matters to you.

When you feel lost, don’t feel like you’re a failure. Recognize that you’re growing and healing at the same time and you’re getting clarity around what matters to you. Healing isn’t linear and there are no one size fits all solutions for it. Not for trauma at all. No matter how small or large, every step you take, if there are micro-baby steps, those steps count.

If something from this episode resonates with you, please take a moment to sit with it. Don’t just read it. Write it down. Journal about it. Share this episode with a friend. Talk about it. Someone else may need it. They may need to hear what we’re talking about here. Remember, healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. It happens in the little choices that we make each and every day. The little choices that I make every day and the little choices that you make every day are when healing happens.

With society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions, self-expression and self-appreciation can feel challenging and daunting. Most of the time, this pushes you to dumb down who you are. You’ll go with the flow. That’s not what we are about here. You are you unapologetically. It means being true to how you were created and not allowing other people’s opinions to affect how you show up in life.

I say this at the end of every episode. People are going to talk, so let them talk. You have no time to be intimidated by the presence of others and think so little of yourself. Stop it. When you show up without pretense and hesitation, the world can’t dull your glamour. Most importantly, you will be inspired to shine your light. Share your light and help others to tap into their own brilliance.

Let’s put an end to disparaging mindsets and begin to own our authentic selves. Join me here for another episode in this safe space where I will initiate influential conversations about being you. That’s what I’m here for. You are you unapologetically and no one is better at being you. I want to say thank you for joining me on my show. Keep showing up for yourself and asking hard questions. Most importantly, keep being you because you are more than enough. Until next time. Take care. Ciao for now.

Important Links

• tryingnottodie.LIVE
• Tryingnottodie.LIVE on Facebook
• Deb Krier on Instagram
• Unapologetically You: The Pursuit Of Being True To Who You Are – Past episode

About Deb Krier

Deb Krier [pronounced kreer] is an entrepreneur, cancer advocate, and the visionary behind tryingnottodie.LIVE. With a background in communications, marketing, and public relations, she’s navigated diverse roles, from spearheading communication strategies for large corporations, small companies, and nonprofit organizations, to founding her own marketing agency over 20 years ago.

Diagnosed with Stage 4 triple positive breast cancer in 2015, basal cell carcinoma in 2021, and thyroid cancer in 2023, she founded tryingnottodie.LIVE in 2022. As a dynamic advocate and speaker, Deb passionately champions resilience, empowerment, and community-building amid adversity, inspiring others to navigate the complexities of cancer with courage and power.

Deb Krier is an entrepreneur and cancer advocate. Diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer, basal cell carcinoma, and thyroid cancer, she founded tryingnottodie.LIVE. Deb champions resilience and empowerment, inspiring others to navigate their cancer journey with courage and power.