It is certainly hard to say no to people. But once you learn how to harness the massive power of that tiny, little word, you can finally protect your peace and save your time. Join me as I unpack how to say no without feeling guilty while remaining respectful to your authentic self. Learn how to set the right boundaries and eliminate your people-pleasing patterns, saving you from burnout and allowing you to love yourself even more.
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How To Say NO Without Feeling Guilty – Protecting Your Peace And Time
We are diving into something that almost all of us, especially women, struggle with at some point in our lives. Ready for it? It’s saying no. That tiny little word that holds massive power puts boundaries in place yet feels so hard to say, especially when you are a people pleaser. When you feel like saying no, it means you will be excluded or you are missing out. Worse, someone might be disappointed in you for saying no. Tell me. Does that sound familiar?
You say yes to helping a coworker even though your plate is full or your plate is already overflowing. You agree to attend a birthday dinner or a network event. You agree to join friends for a drink or lunch, even though what you want to do is have a quiet day to yourself. You volunteer to bake cookies, host a gathering, or lead the project again, and then you know you are tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, and secretly resentful.
If that’s you, I want you to know that you are not alone, and this episode is especially for you. We’re going to unpack why we feel guilty saying no, what people-pleasing is rooted in, and how you can start saying no in a way that protects your peace, your time, and your energy while still being kind, respectful, and true to you. You are being you unapologetically. How to say no without feeling guilty and protecting your peace and time is what this episode is all about. That’s the title.
Why You Are Drained By Saying Yes All The Time
I said title, but why is this topic so important? Why does it matter? Why am I taking the time to dedicate this entire episode to this topic? Here’s why. Every yes that you give is giving no to something or someone that could be pouring into you. When you’re saying yes all the time, you’re missing out on the blessings that are intended for you. They’re in your line of sight. They’re coming your way, but you miss it because you’re busy saying yes. Go ahead. Let what I said sink in for a minute. I’m going to say it again. For every yes you give to something that drains you, you are saying no to something or someone that could be pouring into you.
Every yes you give to something drains you of something that could be pouring into you.
When you are constantly saying yes, especially out of guilt, fear of missing out, or the desire to be liked, we end up living our lives according to other people’s expectations and other people’s opinions. That leads to us feeling burnt out. That leads to you feeling burnt out and me feeling burnt out. We stop trusting our own needs. We stop trusting our own gut. We lose touch with our authentic voice. That’s what happens when we are constantly saying yes.
Here’s my point. This isn’t about time management. This is all about self-worth, self-respect, and self-love. That’s what this is all about. Saying no is not selfish. Saying no is not mean. Saying no is not rejection. Do not allow anyone to tell you anything differently. Saying no is a form of self-respect, which falls under the category of self-worth, and you’ll find it under the category of self-love. You did know that, right? If you didn’t, you know it now. I’m saying.
The Roots Of People-Pleasing Patterns
I’m going to break this down because I want to mush it to the point where it can be easily digested, so hang in here with me. The definition of people-pleasing is a habit of prioritizing other people’s feelings, other people’s concerns, other people’s needs, and their comfort above your own, even when it costs you your time, energy, and well-being. That’s what people-pleasing is all about.
Say No: People pleasing is a habit of prioritizing other people’s feelings, concerns, and need even when it costs you your time, energy, and well-being.
Here is what that can look like in real life. You immediately say yes to an invitation when your gut is telling you to say no. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault to keep the peace. You overexplain your no. You’re trying to prove you earned the right to set a boundary in your life. You fear that if you say no, people will think you’re difficult, selfish, lazy, or unreliable.
Where does all that come from? I’ll tell you. Sometimes, it comes from our upbringing. Maybe you were raised to be the nice one, the responsible one, or the fixer. Other times, it is trauma. You learned that love or acceptance came through performance and approval. You became hyperattuned to other people’s needs at the cost of your own. Let’s not ignore FOMO. It stands for the Fear Of Missing Out. Sometimes, we say yes because we’re afraid we’ll be left out, forgotten, or not included in the fun. That hits deep, doesn’t it?
The Weekend Overloader And Social FOMO
Here’s the truth of the matter. I want you to grasp this. Your value doesn’t increase based on how many people you say yes to. Let’s look at some real-life scenarios. I’m hoping that you may see yourself in one of these scenarios. It may be all of them. I don’t know. Let’s call this scenario the weekend overloader. You’ve worked a long week. You’re tired and you need rest. We all need rest. That’s one thing, and that’s another topic. We all need rest, and we sacrifice rest for everything else.
Your value does not increase based on how many people you say yes to.
Here it is. Then, a friend asks you, “Can you come over and help me move?” Another friend may invite you to lunch or brunch. It could be a relative. Your aunt or uncle may want you to run errands with them or for them. You say yes to everything. You spend the entire weekend running around doing things for other people, and you are exhausted. You’re dreading Monday. Does that sound like any one of you?
What about the workplace yes woman or yes man? It could be either one. You’ve already got four projects on your desk, and your boss asks you to take on one more. He’s not asking you specifically, but he’s asking who wants to. You’re in a meeting, but no one volunteers, so you raise your hand again because you don’t want to disappoint your boss or seem unhelpful. You already have four projects on your plate that you’re managing. You are behind on the projects and other responsibilities, and you feel resentful.
Does that ring a bell? If that one doesn’t, how about the social FOMO? Remember, I said FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out. You are invited to a night out. They’re like, “Come on. Let’s go to the club,” but all you want to do is stay home. You want to watch some Netflix, binge on your favorite series, and recharge, but the group chat is lit and you don’t want to miss it. You don’t want to miss any of the fun, so you force yourself to go out. You feel drained the entire night. You’re tired, so where’s the fun in that?
Saying No Without Feeling Guilty
These aren’t small things. They’re patterns. What these patterns can do and will do is lead to burnout. It’ll lead to resentment and even anxiety or depression over time if you don’t check yourself or if you are not careful. We talk about how to break this vicious cycle or this pattern. Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about how to say no without feeling guilty. Are you ready for this? This is the good part.
Say No: People-pleasing patterns will lead to burnout, resentment, anxiety, and depression over time if you do not check on yourself.
Here are some real strategies for saying no, and saying no confidently, compassionately, and unapologetically. First, be clear and direct. You don’t need to overexplain at all. A simple, “I won’t be able to make it, but thank you so much for thinking about me,” is not only enough, but it is powerful. It is so powerful that it can stand on its own. No apologies are necessary.
Use a no, but response. Have you ever heard of that? You can use a no, but response. If you want to stay connected, but you can’t commit, how about you try saying, “No, I can’t do brunch this Sunday, but I’d love to catch up next weekend.” How about that? You can also delay your response. Stall whenever necessary is what I like to say. Buy yourself time by saying, “Let me check my calendar and get back with you.” This gives you grace and space to consider what you want to do, not what you think others expect of you.
Here’s a fourth one for you. Use affirming language for yourself. Say things like, “Protecting my peace is important. I honor my time by not overcommitting. Rest is not lazy. It’s necessary. It’s required because my body needs it.” The fifth strategy you can use is to practice with safe people. If saying no feels terrifying to you, start small. Practice with people you trust. Practice with people you feel that you can trust, and they trust you. Practice with people you feel safe with.
Say no to something with low stakes. Watch how the world doesn’t fall apart when you say no. Here’s an example that you can use. You can say, “I appreciate you asking me to dinner, but I’m going to say no. This time, I’m focusing on recharging and protecting my time this weekend.” By incorporating at least 1 or all 5 of these real strategies, you are saying no to something that you usually would say yes to. That’s what you’re doing.
When you get the gist of saying no without feeling guilty, you are emphatically saying yes to your peace, and you are protecting your time. Believe it or not, saying no is one of the most radical acts of self-love that you can make. We each can make our own commitment to self-worth, respect, and self-love. We all can do this. You realize that you are not placed on this earth to be available to everyone every time for every request. You realize that, right? You do, right? If you don’t, let me tell you again. You were not placed on this earth to be available to every single person who asks you to do something every time they ask you, and for every request. That is not why you were created.
Saying no is one of the most radical acts of self-love you can ever make.
If you are anything like me and you have a servant heart, take note. That is not serving. That is giving up your peace, your joy, and your time. That’s what that is. You are here to live a peaceful and joyful life that feels aligned with your values, your purpose, your goals, your dreams, and your energy. That means setting boundaries.
If you’re keeping up with us, you would know that I spoke about setting boundaries a few episodes back. The title was Setting Boundaries is the Key to Healthy Relationships. In case you missed it, you can go back and check it out. When you set boundaries, it means you are honoring yourself. You are honoring relationships that you’re in.
You are honoring not only the relationship that you have with yourself, but you are also honoring your calendar because that means you are saying yes to you, your peace, and your time. That’s what that means. Don’t fall for the okie-doke, or don’t allow that head chatter to tell you something different. You are not rude. You are not difficult. You are not selfish. You are clear. You are focused because you are you unapologetically.
Say No To One Thing This Week
Here’s your challenge. I want you to say no to something that you usually say yes to out of guilt, out of fear of missing out, out of fear of disappointing someone, or concern for disappointing someone. Open your mouth and say no. It can be declining an invitation or stepping away from a draining commitment. It can be not answering your phone or not responding to a text right away.
Say no, and then do something with that saved time that fills your cup. Do something. Read, rest, dance, or journal. Call someone who lifts you up and encourages you, or you can breathe. Do something and watch how peace will flow into your life. Know that every yes costs you something, but make sure it’s worth what it costs you.
People-pleasing comes from fear, but you can rewire. You can have a mindset shift that is full of awareness and practice. Saying no can be kind and direct. Most of all, I want you to know it’s powerful, all at once. Your peace and your time are sacred. Truly protect them. Guard them. You are you unapologetically. That means honoring your truth even when it’s uncomfortable.
Share Your No Story
Before I go, I want to do something different. I want to hear from you. I want to invite you to do something bold, freeing, and beautifully honest. I want you to share your no story with me. Share it with me. Share the moment when you finally chose yourself or you said no to something that didn’t serve you, and it felt awkward but also powerful. Maybe it’s the first time you skipped a gathering so that you can rest. Maybe you turned down a request at work that crossed your boundaries. Maybe you finally said no to a relationship, a habit, or an expectation that drains you.
Here’s how I want you to share it. I want you to tag me on Instagram @KimRGrimes and use the hashtag #MyUnapologeticNo, or you can also comment on the post that goes with this episode and let me know your story. Let’s start by normalizing the power of no. Let’s make boundary setting beautiful, brave, and inspiring for others to witness. You never know who you will empower by sharing your voice.
If you are still working on getting to that point of saying no, that’s okay, too. Even thinking about saying no is a powerful first step. Believe me when I say it. I’ll be sharing a few of your stories on our upcoming episode with your permission. Let’s uplift and inspire one another. You never know who your truth will help set free. Let’s share. I want you to remember you are you unapologetically, and that means owning your yeses and your noes with love, confidence, and courage.
With society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions, we all know self-expression and self-appreciation can feel challenging and daunting, to say the least. Most of the time, people push, dumb down, or hide themselves. They hide who they are and go with the flow. You are you unapologetically, and that means being true to who you were created and not allowing people’s opinions to affect how you show up in life.
I say this at the end of every episode because it is important. People are going to talk about you. They talk about me, and it’s okay. We’re going to let them talk because we don’t have the time. You don’t have the time to be intimidated by the presence of others and think so little of yourself. When you show up without pretense and hesitation, no one condemns your glamor or shuts off your light. Most importantly, you’ll be inspired to shine that light, carry it, and help others to tap into their own brilliance.
Everyone of us who’s tuning in to this episode, let’s all agree to put an end to this disparaging mindset and begin to own your authentic self. What a powerful gift. Continue to join me here. Continue to meet me here, where I create a safe space and initiate influential conversations about you being you, because you are you unapologetically. No one is better at being you. I dare you to find someone.
With that being said, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty — Protecting Your Peace and Time. If this episode moved you, click like and share it with your friends, preferably a fellow people pleaser. We all know one. Remind them, as well as yourself, that we don’t have to hustle for our worth. Saying no is one of the most freeing things you’ll ever learn to do. Guess what? You are already on your way. I’ll leave you with this. You don’t owe anyone an apology, nor do you owe anyone your yes. You owe yourself your peace. Until next time, stay grounded, stay bold, and keep doing you because you are you unapologetically. Ciao ciao for now.
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