Love being in your own skin because if you don’t, you won’t be in control anymore. Self-love is key. Start taking charge of your ship and start owning your choices. If you don’t, you will go down a very dark path. Join Dr. Kim Grimes as she talks about self-love with the Founder and CEO of Defining Paths, Dr. Virginia LeBlanc. DocV is also the author of the best-selling book, Love the Skin YOU’RE In: How to Conquer Life Through Divergent Thinking. She helps her clients think without a box instead of outside the box. Learn more about her best-selling book and why she wrote it. Discover how your subconscious takes control of you. And, know why it’s important to share your story so others can learn from you.
—
Watch the episode here
Listen to the podcast here
Moving Beyond Excuses That Hold You Back Part 1: Loving The Skin You’re In With Dr. Virginia LeBlanc
In this episode, we are still in our discussion about excuses and how they hold you back. The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. Deceiving ourselves is another way of saying that we lie to ourselves. We are good at catching other people when they are lying, but not when we are lying. One of the reasons we are so good at deceiving ourselves is because we do not call the lies we tell ourselves lies. Instead, we make up and create excuses.
We disguise our excuses as reasons because we want to be seen as reasonable persons. We dignify the lie by calling them reasons. We can come up with 1,001 reasons why we do not do what we are supposed to do or ought to do or behave the way we behave. We have reasons why we will not encourage ourselves, why we do not love ourselves and befriend someone. What reasons are you telling yourself about your work and value? We find dignified reasons to stay stuck instead of being open and honest with ourselves.
Reasons are masquerade excuses and excuses are limiting beliefs. What are those excuses that are keeping you from having to face-to-face with yourself and the truth about you? It is easy to find a reason and an excuse instead of telling ourselves the truth. Our discussion is about the excuses you have in your life that keep you from moving forward and being who you were created to be. It is keeping going to school, launching that career, being an entrepreneur, from living your dreams, and stuck in toxic relationships.
We can all spit out excuses in an attempt to save face and blame others even when we know better. I want to jump into our discussion about reasons, masquerade excuses, and limiting beliefs that we have in our lives. We are going to share some of the things that we do and you can also do to help you move beyond the excuses holding you back. I have a special guest. I am so excited to introduce you to her. I hope you guys are as excited as I am because I am excited to know this person.
Have you ever met someone and you clicked? When you are having a conversation with each other, the people around think you guys have known each other or are related to one another. This is who my guest is. When I met her, we instantly clicked. We are like sisters. Do you know what she calls me? She says, “Hey, sis.” I love it when she says that. I get silly and giddy when she says that.
Let me tell you who our guest is. We are going to have a conversation and a discussion about moving beyond the excuses that hold you back. Dr. Virginia LeBlanc, DocV, is a highly sought, well-respected, multi-disciplinary expert, and global thought leader in personal development and business transformation.
Her story of career life transitions led to her passion in founding Defining Path, a heart-centered socially conscious company and movement that heals, rebuilds, and transforms lives and businesses online from the inside out, helping her legacy, building clients face fears, and think without a box to connect the dots, to find passion, purpose, and business success.
Equate life to being in a boxing ring. You have to learn the skills and nuances that boxers have to avoid being knocked out. Share on XDr. Virginia LeBlanc is the international bestseller of Love the Skin YOU’RE In: How to Conquer Life Through Divergent Thinking. This is her love letter to society on socio-cultural conditioning, mindsets, thought processes, facing fears, and her lessons learned to define your path and conquer in life, love, leadership, and business for sustainable wins. DocV is the pivot maestro and the next step coach in the business of putting you back business with her turnkey business solutions, evergreen membership communities, and mastermind courses. Please help me welcome my friend and sister, Virginia “DocV” to the show.
I am so excited to be here with you and with your audience. Thank you for that gracious introduction.
You are so welcome. I am honored and so grateful for you to be here. I told the readers that you are one of those people that when we met, we clicked. It was as if we were in each other’s lives for years. I would like you to share with our readers how we met.
We like to laugh and talk about, “You are my sister from another mister.” It was crazy because I had come back from foreign service. I was over in Greece on the beautiful island of Crete. Our mutual coach, Susie Carder said, “Have you met Dr. Kim?” We were talking about some projects that I had coming up. There were two names and your name was at the top of that list. She was like, “You need to meet Dr. Kim.” I reached out and we connected. You were so open and willing to connect. That was the start of it.
I do emails. I suck at emails. I was looking for an email. I went through and saw something and you were like, “Let’s get together.” It is as if we have been in each other’s lives for the last many years. That is how genuine you are. That is the type of people that I want everyone to be. When you are being you, people around you are blessed. That is why I love being in your presence because your gifts and talents are blessing me because you show up being you, unapologetically.
I talk about shining out unapologetically in my book, Love the Skin YOU’RE In: How to Conquer Life Through Divergent Thinking. It is not only a literal message. It is a figurative message. Folks, if you do not know Dr. Kim, Dr. Kim is real. She is as real as they get and as they come. That is how we roll. When you were like, “How can I serve you? How can we find our synergy and pool our resources to make this a better world to help, bless, and lift people up?” you were talking my language. That was a done deal.
Let us jump into this discussion. The name of the show is You are YOU, Unapologetically. I have to ask, what does it mean to be you, unapologetically?
For most of my life, I wore masks. I was exchanging one mask for the next, trying to show up as who other people wanted me to show up as or who I thought they were expecting to see. I was already dealing with daddy issues, self-inflicted performance anxieties, abandonment issues, and rejection issues. Those masks help me show up and be that face, hiding, masking, and pushing down the pain. I had an uncanny ability to totally push and bury stuff way deeper than six feet. I can’t remember most of my life.
When I started on a personal journey, I was going through a very hostile work environment. I was living in Indiana. I found myself faced with a decision. I needed to try and figure out how to deal with and maneuver that situation. One day after work, I was heading home, but I found myself sitting in the church parking lot going to a Christian support group called Celebrate Recovery. All kinds of discussions happened within that environment. I went into the Life Issues Group. When I was sitting there, I was like, “I do not even want to be here in the first place, so I am not saying a word.”
Particularly in our communities and ethnic cultures, we do not talk about our issues, pains, and hurts. That stuff stores up and starts building on top of each other. We are walking around here like functioning dysfunctionals. That is where I found myself. That program helped me to pivot and changed my life. It helped me speak up and out, to speak truth to power. Through that organization and program, I started to learn how to love the skin I was in. I did not write the book until 2020 because it is a journey. We do just get it right and it works. This did not happen until several years later.
That was the first time I started to shine unapologetically and speak truth to power. That is what it looked like for me, speaking truth to power, not standing forth and taking that just because I am a woman, I am supposed to sit back, shut up, and play the gender role. I am a black female with a PhD. I am going to shine unapologetically, own it, and speak for those who cannot speak or will not speak for whatever reasons or fears they are facing. That is what it has looked like for me to start taking those masks off. That program, Celebrate Recovery, helped me tremendously to start removing those masks, walking in my skin, and being present.
Before that, it was a real out-of-body experience. That is how it looked. Moving forward, life keeps happening. On the cover of my book, Love the Skin YOU’RE In, I am standing in a boxing ring. There are three different pictures of me. You see the gloves. The reason I have my three different selves in the boxing ring is because I have had to redefine at different points in life. I equate life to being in a boxing ring and having to learn the skills and the nuances that boxers have to avoid being knocked out. When you do get down on the mat, you can get back up and keep dancing.
I loved when you said putting on the different masks and taking them off. People wear a mask so that they can find an excuse to be in the room. You did not say, “I had one.” You said multiple. Whatever works for you in that room, you were putting that mask on and taking it off. Thank you so much. What would you say were either one or multiple limiting beliefs or excuses that you had? We masquerade our excuses for reasons. What are some of those reasons, excuses, or limiting beliefs that kept you stuck? Can you share what that process looked like when you were stuck?
I love the fact that you equate the lies that we tell ourselves to excuses and reasons. I was a little black girl growing up in South Texas, a high school student whose family fell apart. My parents divorced when I was fifteen. I struggle with visual challenges. That was an excuse and any and everything that kept me from thinking or believing that I could do something. Fast forward to my entrepreneurial journey and saying, “You can’t succeed at this,” or rather listening to those voices.
The programming we see in socio-cultural environments, whether it is television, social circles, or that little bully kid in school who told you, “You are too dark,” is all going into your subconscious. At that age and until you decide to love the skin you are in, you have not decided to be the captain of your ship. The crew is in control, the subconscious. Any and everything you hear is going into your subconscious.
You are making decisions. You are living life. Life is leading you. You are not leading life because of that subconscious programming. I had that going on. High school can be so difficult. Those challenges, being embarrassed by the situation going on with the family, being concerned, not wanting people to know about what is being done in the “dark” and behind closed doors. You are fearful that things will come into the light.
Be the captain of your ship. Do not let your subconscious run it. Share on XI had this performance anxiety going on that I had inflicted upon myself. I was a star athlete and choir member. I went straight A’s, on the Dean’s List, and graduated at the top of my class. All of these types of things are all good things, but when you look underneath that, what is driving and the reason for that. Gratefully and by the grace of God, I did not go into burnout. I was honored in my community in The Crossroads of South Texas for being the first black opera singer from that area.
Let’s take that as an example because black people do not sing opera. Every time someone would ask me, “What do you sing,” I tell them that and it was a whole conversation. “You do not sing R&B? You do not rap?” Back then, it was hip hop. These excuses and that programming paralyze us. We start to make decisions, make up those excuses, or tell lies because of the programming we allow. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. When we allow folks to speak stuff into us and regurgitate that mess, even if it is in our subconscious, we are speaking death and life.
You said performance anxiety. I love that because we are trying to prove ourselves to others or look for approval most of the time. Where you shared that, it was, “I had to be the best. I had to be the top.” You went through. I loved how you phrased and shared it. There are readers out there that are connecting exactly with what you are saying because they are there as well. What can you share with our readers? How can they overcome or move beyond the excuses they have telling themselves when we are in a world that is constantly and consistently trying to tell them who they are and how they should show up?
In my book, there is a chapter where I talk about tuning into your own channel. When you think about televisions, you say, “I like the white noise,” when all the programming is in, I talk about the white noise of life and society. All that feed is coming into your mind, into your head, and is disrupting right thinking, the thinking that is meant for you and your channel. It is difficult for us to get there because it is so much of that.
From the time we can start processing and understanding, we are set on a path and course, whether it is by parents, friends, or society. It has to come to a point where our soul becomes so restless. You know when your soul is stirring and something does not sound right. Call it intuition or whatever you want to call it. Something starts to tell you, “I need to get it together. This person is not right for me. That job is killing my soul.”
It starts with being honest, truthful, transparent with yourself, and loving yourself. Everything starts with self-love, folks. We do not understand it. We think we love ourselves. You talked about how many of us think that we love ourselves, but we are looking superficially and materialistically. We are basing loving ourselves on the number of friends we have, boards we sit on, organizations we are in, fraternity life, or the colors we wear.
I am the former Executive Director of the National Panhellenic Council, so I can say that. We start looking at those things and do not understand the power we are giving away to that darkness. Light can’t come into our bodies. It can’t come into us. It can’t come into the mind. That is where it starts. The soul starts to stir. It is trying to give us a clue, but something has to trigger our minds.
Usually, it comes when we hit that wall. Something traumatic happens that our mind actually goes into this dissonance. You have to start with the mind and understand that mindset is everything when that happens. In my book, I write, “Mind-set.” I do that purposefully because I want people to understand you have the ability to set your mind to something. You have the ability to choose. You have the God-given gift of choice. That is where it starts. It is about finding your willpower to find your strength.
If you do not have enough willpower, lean on someone who you know has your best interest at heart, into a community or your church. Lean into that thing where you see the light. You know where you see the light and where you see darkness. You know what your spirit is telling you because your spirit is talking to you. That is the intercessor and the voice that is communicating what you know in your soul, but you are not conscious of in your mind. Be willing to let go of control because we try to control everything.
Surrender is what I hear you saying.
That is difficult because we want to stay in control because we feel like if we are not dictating or running the show, we are out of control.
One of the reasons why I wanted you on the show is so that you can share. Interacting with you, you show up the real you. Share with our audience how learning to love and accept yourself made your life better and made an impact on your life.
It made all the difference. I alluded to writing the book later in life. I was coming out of a two-year relationship with a man I thought would be my husband. Here is the thing that helped me in my reconciliation process. I have a three R philosophy, which I call, “Revelation, Reconciliation, and Renaissance.” It helped me look back and see the cues, the flags and the excuses that I ignored, and the lies that I told myself because I was not loving the skin I was in. I did not have self-love. I was tired wearing a gladiator cape, running things, being the woman and the man.
I was happy to have a man come along who had a Type A personality like me and who could take control. I gave that to him willingly. Occasionally, my mother would say stuff. She would only say so much, but she kept triggering the fact that I was losing myself. What it equated to is like, “This is not my daughter.” As life would have it, I ended up with a major health issue to where it could have taken me out of here. His fear started coming out. When the two could not be reconciled, he started acting in his way. I had to boss up. I had to strengthen up, make some decisions, and say, “I am going my separate way.”
As I was laying in the recovery bed for weeks, God has to still and quiet us. He can start speaking to us, showing us, and playing that life reel. He is showing us what we need to see to get on the path that we are supposed to be on. That is where the book’s thoughts and preparation came into play. Later, I met this woman on the metro here in DC. I think she was an angel. I have never seen her and heard from her again, but she led me to a book publisher that day.
We were having issues with the trains. God told me to show her how to get there because she was lost. It was crazy. All of that stuff and things that started to come up in that recovery period formed the basis of my book, which I call my autobiographical love letter to society. It is about socio-cultural conditioning, thought processes, mindset, facing the fears and how I overcame it.
You have the ability to set your mind to something. You have the ability to choose. It’s a God-given gift. Share on XWhen we realize that we have to pivot, there is always a proceeding stirring of the soul. The spirit is trying to talk to you. You have to listen to it. You have to let go of the stubbornness, hurt, and pain. You have to own your decisions or indecision. You have to own your choices or your decision not to choose. That is where it starts, but we are human. We do not want to admit to that stuff and that we had a moment of weakness.
In your weakness and vulnerability, there is more strength that you will find than anywhere that you will find strength, other than from your Source or Higher Power. When you start sharing that story, other people start to realize, “I am not alone.” It is huge and healing. That is when you can start to pivot, rebuild, and transform your life. That is why God gave me that mission.
That is how you pivot and transform your life. You are sought after globally. Share with the readers is how to get in contact with you and get your book. Give all your information. I am quite sure they are going to want to reach out and connect with you. Share what your PhD is in as well because that is phenomenal. Leave some empowering closing remarks that our readers can walk away with.
You can reach me at DefiningPaths.Online. You can find you can define your path on my website. See what programs might fit you. We have programming for my heart and my passion for veterans. We have programs to help stand up veterans who are retiring, transitioning them into civilian life. If you want to be an entrepreneur, we will help you stand your business up in 90 days.
Those women who are in this space and place that we have been talking about in this show, come and be a part of our Next Steps for Women. I do personal coaching and executive coaching. If you need some healing from your situation, your circumstance, you have been in abusive situations whether at home or the workplace, and you have been experiencing all those things that we women tend to experience in various environments, come and be a part of our Grace Under Pressure for Women.
My social media handle is Pivot Maestro. You can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and then you can connect to these communities on Facebook, the Grace under Pressure, Next Steps for Women, and Next Steps for Vets. Come be a part of us. We would love to have you, love on you, help you heal, rebuild, and transform your life from the inside out.
My PhD is in Vocal Performance and Song Literature with minors in Music Education and Management. In another life, I was a classical opera singer. I am still a classical opera singer. I am just not practicing one. I received my degree from Indiana University Bloomington School of Music. I want to leave you with proof of what my PhD is in and what I am about to share with you.
I talk about, “Think without a box,” a lot. Society puts us in a box. Education teaches us to think outside the box but think about it. We are still hovering around that box that society created that has limitations and limiting beliefs. When you get to a point where you can let that box go, be okay with it, and think without a box, that is when you can go to the next level. That is when you uplevel. That is when you can become a divergent thinker and start allowing yourself to be exposed to life and all the wonders and beautiful people in it.
You start to see the unseeable, know the unknowable, and do the impossible. I would love to encourage you to think without a box and love the skin you are in. If I had thought with a box or even outside of the box, I would not have arrived at this path where I was meant to be, doing what I was meant to do. You can have multiple passions. Singing and performing is a passion, but this was my calling. That is why I had to pivot.
Life kept happening. It kept me from that particular passion that is making that a career. This was my calling. It is no mistake that I am sitting here. This was a divine appointment and meeting you, Dr. Kim. I encourage you to be strong in mind, body and soul. As I tell my ladies on my Candid Conversations TV show, be strong in mind, body, and soul. Strong is the new sexy.
You are so amazing. You are going to be doing a podcast as well. Do you have the details of that? Please share that.
It is called Define Your Path. I am bringing together global thought leaders. My Candid Conversations show is geared more toward women empowerment, but this will be a show where we are spotlighting the expert. The questions I want to know, “How did you pivot? What made you pivot in life? How are you showing up in the world? How do you help people to be better, do better, and realize their dreams?” Those three main questions are what the show is going to be about. It is going to be a quick twenty-minute show. It will be on YouTube. It will be syndicated on all of the platforms. We will start t our interviews in mid-April and air by the end of April 2022. You will be my first guest.
I am happy to be there. Thank you. I appreciate you. What a wonderful time we had. Thank you again for saying yes and being who God created you to be. Thank you for serving the world and showing up, playing full outright, unapologetically because you are crystal clear of who you are in your skin.
Thank you so much, sis. Thank you, readers.
—
I want you to know that it is so easy to yourself in clashing ideas, conflict, and belief, COVID-19, this pandemic, is all over the place and flood of information. Without society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions, self-expression, and self-appreciation, that can feel like a challenge to you and daunting as well. Most of the time, you will push away or push you to dumb down and hide who you are. Before you know it, you are going with the flow.
We are putting an end to this disparaging mindset so that you can begin to own your authentic self. We are having influential conversations about you being you. I know without a shadow of a doubt that you are you, unapologetically because there is no one better at being you than you. Be you because you are you, unapologetically. Thanks again for joining us on this show. We look forward to seeing you on the next one. We enjoy you.
Important Links
- Defining Path
- Love the Skin YOU’RE In: How to Conquer Life Through Divergent Thinking
- Facebook – Dr. Virginia LeBlanc
- LinkedIn – Dr. Virginia LeBlanc
- Instagram – Dr. Virginia LeBlanc
- Candid Conversations
- https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/pivotmaestro/
- https://www.Facebook.com/groups/definingpathscommunity
- https://www.Facebook.com/groups/nextstepsforwomen
- https://www.Facebook.com/groups/gupforwomen
- https://www.Facebook.com/groups/nextstepsforvets
- https://ThePivotMaestro.com/dp-membership
- https://ThePivotMaestro.com/gup-3day
About Dr. Virginia LeBlanc
Dr. Virginia LeBlanc (DocV) is a highly sought, well-respected multi-disciplinary expert and global thought leader in personal development and business transformation. Her story of career-life transitions led to her passion and founding of Defining Paths (DP), a heart-centered, socially conscious company and movement that heals, rebuilds, and transforms lives and businesses online from the inside out, helping her legacy-building clients face fears and think without a box to connect the dots to find passion, purpose, and business success.
Dr. Virginia LeBlanc is the internationally bestselling author of Love the Skin YOU’RE In: How to Conquer Life Through Divergent Thinking, her love letter to “Society” on sociocultural conditioning, mindsets, thought processes, facing fears, and her lessons learned to define your path and conquer in life, love, leadership, and business for sustainable wins.
DocV is THE Pivot Maestro and Next Steps Coach in the business of putting YOU back in business with her turnkey business solutions, evergreen membership communities, masterminds, courses, and so much more!