How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others And Feel Enough

Comparing yourself to others is a universal human experience. Whether we admit it or not, at some point, we’ve all looked at someone else’s life, their achievements, relationships, appearance, or success and thought, ‘Why am I not there yet?’ This episode delves into the reasons behind this tendency and more importantly, provides you with tangible tools and mindset shifts to break free from this cycle and finally embrace your unique journey.

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How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others And Feel Enough

Breaking Free From The Comparison Trap

This episode is all about breaking free. The comparison trap and learning how to feel enough exactly as you are. That’s what our episode is about. What comparison track are you asking about or you’re probably saying, “What are you talking about Dr. Kim? Come on. You all know what about it. We all been there. Don’t try to fool me because I know we all know about it. We all do you. You and I, that’s it.

Let me correct myself. I know longer doing. Are you still trapped? That’s the question. Let’s see. When I say the word comparison, don’t act like you have never been a victim. Have you never been a victim? I know, I sure have. Comparison is something we all dealt with, whether we admit it or not. At some point, we looked at someone else’s life, achievements, relationship, their parents, or success, and we thought, “Why am I not there yet? Why am I not as accessible? Why do I not have a good relationship?”

You all know. You may have not used those exact words, but you may have asked a question like that or similar to it, or you made a comment after assessing where you are. We scroll through social media and we see the perfect highlight reel or video or photo or people achieving their dreams. We see it on social media all the time, looking flawless traveling and the world seeming like they have it all. They have it all together and suddenly, our own live is still small, diminished, unworthy, or not good enough.

We feel like we are wasting our lives not living up to the world’s expectations that we put on ourselves. We feel like we’re not living up to our own expectations, but here’s the thing. Comparison is a thief. I’m just here to tell you that. That’s right. I said it. It steals from us from underneath our nose. Right in front of our face. It steals our joy, our confidence, and our clarity. It also steals our peace, and it makes us doubt ourselves and question our path, Am I where I should be? Am I going in the right direction?

“Charlotte seems to have it all going on. Alex always knows the right thing to say or the right thing to do or the right time to say.” Here is the worst part. Comparison is all based on an illusion because we are comparing our behind-the-scene to someone else’s curated, highlight will. That’s what we’re doing. In other words, we’re comparing ourselves to someone else’s edited video or edited photo. That’s what we’re doing.

We’re going to unpack why we compare ourselves to others. We’re going to talk about how it affects us. Most importantly, we are going to talk and discuss, how can we shift our mindset and our behaviors to feel enough. Feeling is one thing. We have to know we’re enough. When you and I feel enough, there’s no room for comparison. Instead, you will have lots of room for compliments. Not compliments to be received, but compliments to gain.

In this episode, we’re going to do a deep dive into the root cause of comparison, where it comes from and why does it hang around? The hidden dangers of constantly measuring yourself against others. We’re going to talk about how to redefine success, your success on your own terms. What does it look like for you on your own terms? We’re going to identify or share some practical strategies to break free from comparison and step into not only self-acceptance, but self-love like falling madly in-love with you. That’s what we’re going to talk about.

By the end of this episode, my hope is that you walk away feeling empowered to stop looking outward for validation and start embracing your own unique path, gifts, and talent. As I said, I want you to fall madly in-love with who you are. That’s what I want you to walk away with from this episode. Let’s have a little definition behind comparison. It is a deeply ingrained part of human nature, where we look at someone and we assess them based on their outward appearance, and then we turn around and assess ourselves.

Why We Compare Ourselves So Much

It’s part of human nature. We do it to gauge our progress, understand where we fit in society, and sometimes even to push yourself forward. There’s a fine line between healthy inspiration and destructive self-judgment. We have to be very careful when we are playing around with this fine line because we can cross over it at any time and may find it hard to course back. Why do we compare ourselves so much? Why? It’s the question that I want you to ask yourself and think about what I’m saying as I break this thing down.

From childhood, we learn about ourselves through our parents and the people that are around us, like our siblings. Those who surround us when we are younger and in our childhood. If you ever been in a group of friends and felt like you were the least successful, or least attractive, or your life isn’t moving. It’s because our brains are wired to assess on social standing through comparison. That’s what we do. It’s part of us, but here’s the problem. Everyone’s journey is different.

You have to know this to understand that no two people start from the same place or walk the same bath now. That’s the truth. The truth is, as if you’ve never heard it. This is the truth. Yet, we go around acting as if life is the competition where we’re all supposed to reach success by the world’s definition all at the same time. That’s simply not true. That’s not the case at all. It’s not. Social media has amplified our comparison’s struggle to the highest degree.

The more you stay on social media, swipe up, swipe down, swipe left or swipe right. The more you stay on social media, the worst it can get. We see people living their best lives ever doing their best performance and producing their best videos or results but what we don’t see is the effort that they put in. We don’t see the struggle that they’re going through or the reality behind-the-scene. We’re not privy to that, the perfectly correlated photos or editing videos or the edited success story. They don’t show the failures, the mistake, the “Opsies,” the self-doubt, the second guessing or questioning themselves, or sacrifices that was made along the way.

You don’t see that. When we compare ourselves to what we see online, we’re not comparing reality. We’re comparing ourselves to an illusion. It’s like comparing yourself to a magic trick. They are illusion. Am I not correct? Think about it. When I compare myself to something I see on social media, I’m comparing myself to a magic trick or blank. Another reason we compare is that we believe there’s a limited amount of resources, success, happiness, or beauty to go around.

We don’t believe it’s enough to go around for everyone. We don’t believe that. It’s this idea that if someone else has made it, then somehow, there’s less for me. Somehow there’s less for you, and we think somehow it’s not enough for us. No more left and it’s all gone. That’s what we’re thinking. The truth is this. There’s enough for everyone. Do I need to say it again? It is. The honest truth is, the resources are there. It’s not for you and me. There is enough.

Your journey isn’t diminished because someone else is thriving. I need you to understand that. Your journey isn’t diminished because I’m succeeding and neither does mine diminish because you’re succeeding. Do you not realize that there’s no deadline on success? If it is, then you put it there. There is no limit on happiness. If it is, you put it there or you allowed someone else to put a deadline on your success and on your happiness. If you didn’t do it, here’s my point or the key to scarcity to our scarcity mindset. The more you learn to truly celebrate others accomplishment and their achievements while staying focused on your own growth, the more at peace you will become.

Say that again, you said? The more you learn how to truly celebrate, not fake but truly celebrate other people’s accomplishments or achievements while staying focus on your own growth. The more peaceful you will become. Did I tell you that comparison is a thief? It is. I know I said it. I want to say it again. It will steal your piece if you are not keeping a close eye on your peace. Off it goes. Take my word. We’re clear on why we compare ourselves to others.

How Comparison Steals Your Joy

Let’s talk about the damages it does when we don’t control it. When our comparison goes rogue on us, that’s all we’re doing. It’s comparing and comparing. Not only does it steal your peace. If you keep it up, it’s going to steal your joy. Have you ever felt proud of something you accomplished? Maybe you land a new job or in a new relationship, or you completed a long project. Such as you accomplish maybe a personal goal or how about you had a great day. Something simple is that. Only to suddenly feel like it wasn’t enough because you saw someone else doing something better.

It steals your joy. Yes, it does. The comparison is robbing you. It turns your joy into doubt and making you feel like what you done isn’t worth anything or it’s not worth it anymore. Keep in mind, comparison is a thief and it will steal from you. Now it’s coming after your joy. One attribute is not enough for comparison or that comparison track. It will take and take until you are depleted. You have to pay attention and be mindful of that comparison track, because it creates a false sense of failure. Have you ever had the feeling like you’re falling behind? Ask yourself, falling behind who? We are all moving at our own pace, and that’s what you have to understand.

Success At Your Own Pace

Life is not a race. Although, society wants us to believe it is. It’s not a race, but we make it a race. It dictate to us as a race and we get in a race. We’re just going and going and compare and compare. Only because someone else has reached the milestone faster, it does not mean that you won’t get there. It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure either. You will get there. Here’s the thing, success isn’t linear. Some people take longer to get where they’re going.

Some people walk slower, talk slower, and do things slower. It’s going to take them longer to get there, to get where they’re going. It may take you longer, but what you have to understand it is perfectly okay. Learn to live your life at your own pace. Don’t allow someone to dictate to you how fast you should succeed. Don’t allow them to set a bar too high for you that they can’t even accomplish. Set your own pace, and you will see that it will be hard for you to create a false sense of failure in your life.

When you set your own pace or comparison, this connects you from your own path. That’s the last thing we want. When we spend too much time looking at other people’s lives, we are stopping the focus that we have on ourselves. We’re not focusing on our own life. Think about it. This is so simple. When you are looking at yourself in the mirror and you get distracted by the phone ringing or someone coming into the room. Guess what you do? You stop focusing on yourself. You stop looking at yourself and you start focusing on the distraction. That’s what you do. You get distracted. We get distracted.

Don’t get distracted from your own path. You start focusing on someone else’s path. We start chasing goals that aren’t even ours. They don’t belong to us. We want somebody else’s goals. Why? I have no clue, but we do. We chase other people’s goals and ideas. Sometimes, we’ll allow people to put their own goals and ideas on us. That’s what I mean by chasing. We start molding and shaping ourselves into what other people think we should be and what we should do, then we think, “Are we good enough?”

Stop Comparing And Start Feeling Enough

Instead of doing that, shaping yourself to please and meet other people’s objectives. What I want you to do is embrace who you are. Embrace what truly fulfills you. That’s what I want you to do. Let’s now segue into how do we stop comparing so that we can feel enough and we will know that we are more than enough? How do you break free from this or ongoing cycle? That’s what it is. How do you break free from just ongoing cycle of not feeling enough or thinking you’re less than, or feeling successful or you’re stuck and you not going anywhere?

I want to say the first thing that you want to do is practice self-awareness. The next time you compare yourself or you see yourself comparing yourself to someone else. First, stop and give a compliment. Instead of comparing, give a compliment. After you give a compliment, then ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking like this? What do I think I’m lacking that is bringing on this thought? Most of the time, it’s not about the other person. It’s about an insecurity within you, within me, within us that needs to be healed, but we’re not paying attention to that insecurity.

We’re too busy looking at someone else and comparing ourselves to someone else. Give a compliment and then begin to ask yourself some questions. Giving a compliment to that person also start to look at your wins. Even if they’re small wins. Instead of focusing on what you haven’t done or what you haven’t completed, or where you have not reached or made it to this point. Make it a habit to celebrate what you have done.

You can do this easy just by keeping a journal. Write down your small victories. They don’t have to be big inside. If you started your day and you said, “I want to get three things done,” and you identify those three things and say that you got distracted or got a phone call or interrupted when someone came by and you only got two things done. Celebrate those two things that you got accomplished.

Celebrate that, and then move that other thing to when the next day come. That’s when you focus on it. Keep a journal of your personal growth and moments that you are proud of, especially when you become proud of you. Do that. I hate to say this because a lot of us are so addicted to it, but limit your social media exposure. Not only exposure, but your time on social media because that is the biggest comparison trigger. It makes us compare. Take a break from it. Put your phone down. Put your tablet down. Shut down your laptop. Curate your feed and your feelings.

Pay attention to your feelings and begin to inspire you. Inspire yourself. Do these things. When you’re on social media or you’re putting your stuff out there in social media. Ensure that you’re putting out information that inspires other people as well and what you’re saying is not only inspiring others but it’s also inspiring you and making you feel adequate and more than enough. Here’s the thing I want you to pay attention to. I said it earlier, so I’m going to say it again. Define your own version of success.

We all move at different pace. We all do our own things differently. We are uniquely different. What does success look like for you? Not the success that society put on you or the version of society that laid at your feet or you saw on Instagram or on Facebook. Not that version. I want you to get crystal clear on your values, your dreams, and what makes you happy. Don’t keep it up. Write it down. When you find yourself having a challenging day, you can then pick it up and you can read what are those things that spells or defines your success.

A Powerful Exercise To Overcome Comparison

Now, if you want to take this to another level, let me tell you what I did to break free from comparison myself with others. I did this exercise that’s called Path to Greatness. It’s a training/exercise. After I completed this exercise, I learned so much about me but I have to be honest, this exercise is a part of me now so much so that I can never see comparing myself to someone else. I said never, because with Path to Greatness, it helped me to learn so much about myself.

With that, I couldn’t see myself comparing to someone because I see myself as being different. Not only avoid the comparison trap. I just shut it down. With Path to Greatness training exercise, you can download it from my website KimRGrimes.com. Let me tell you, instead of giving you the details of everything about this exercise. Maybe I will. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to know that I learned how to uncover, acknowledge, to own, and live in my greatness. That’s what it did. It taught me how to live in my greatness.

It’s a simple exercise but I’m telling you. It’s a little challenging to some of you that’s going to be a little difficult. I’m just putting it out there. It’s two steps. First step, you’re asking yourself some questions. You’re asking and answering these questions. You’re doing it for seven days. You’re asking simple questions. The key thing is, your answers cannot be duplicated. The best thing to do to see results is to write it down in your journey.

Here’s another part of this exercise is, ask yourself the question and then you also have to say it in front of a mirror. To make it real easy, you’re going to ask yourself a question while looking at yourself in front of the mirror. Many of us struggle with eye contact. That’s the best place to give eye contact, in the mirror when you’re look at yourself. Give yourself eye contact. Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to ask yourself four questions. The other part is, you cannot get outside help. You can only answer the questions from within.

This exercise is going to make you go in. For those of you who fear your inner self, I don’t know if you want to do this exercise but for those of you who are not afraid of your inner self, this is the exercise for you. Here are the four questions you’re going to ask out loud and you going to have an answer. It worked for me. It changed my life tremendously. What I like about myself is that I’m beautiful. What I appreciate about myself is my big pretty smile. What I love about myself is my cocoa Brown skin. What I admire about myself are my dimples.

You have to ask yourself, those four questions every day. You have to find a different answer every day. You take those questions and stand in the mirror. You ask them and answer them out loud. That’s the first step. The second step is simple. You do it again for another seven days. Again, not repeating any answers. If you must repeat an answer, only repeat one. That’s it. After completing this for the first time, I didn’t see myself the same anymore. I believe you would, too. You’re not going to see yourself like you did two weeks prior to doing this work.

You will initiate something in you and I call it’s a process of you uncovering your greatness. The reason why I said uncovering because we all agree, we all are great. It’s in us. We all in us, but life covers it up. We have to go through a process of uncovering it. When a situation, a circumstance, or some drama or whatever arising your life. It covers it up. We have to go back and uncover. It’s a life process, believe me when I say.

I want you to know that, that process of uncovering your greatness is an amazing process. I declare that you will not be the same person once you start uncovering it. You will stop comparing yourself with other people. I promise you, you will. We will challenge you. Here’s how I want to challenge you. Not only do step one and two. It’s a two-week process, but do it for 30 days. See if you recognize the person that you used to be. See if you find yourself comparing yourself to anyone else.

You Are Enough: Walk In Your Greatness

I tell you, the more you do it, the more you will boost your self-awareness. The more you will uncover your greatness, get a hike in your self-confidence, and uncover your true identity. It will put you on a solid path of falling madly in-love with who you are. Here’s my point. When I am madly and you are madly in-love without ourselves, with who we are. You will be crystal clear on your worth and value. You will know that you are important and you matter. Not only to yourself, but to this world.

When you get there, then and only then will your true identity be staring you straight in the face. I’m telling you, straight in your face, it’s there because greatness is knowing you are not. When you know your greatness, you know you are enough. Stop playing small. Start by giving yourself permission to be you, unapologetically. That’s what this show is all about. That’s why I named it, You are YOU, unapologetically. I say this all the time, there’s no one out there better at being you than you. You’re not going to find anyone, I’m telling you.

I dare you to go find someone who can do you better than you. I need you to understand, you are great and every way possible. You matter. You are valuable. You are important. You are enough. If you are watching from the sidelines, it’s time to stop watching and get in the game because you are enough. Stop watching others walk by in their greatness. Stop watching others be successful. Instead, walk in your greatness. Know who you are. Walking your greatness is showing up and being the best version of you of yourself each and every day for the rest of your life.

Owning Your Path Without Comparison

That’s it. That’s walking in your greatness. Not allowing anyone and I mean no one, to stand in your way of being you. Be you because you are you, unapologetically. You are YOU. I want you to know that you are not and your journey is valid and your timeline is your own. It’s no one else’s. Every time you feel yourself slipping into comparison, remind yourself, “No one else has to walk in your shoes. No one else. No one else has your story. No one else has your struggles. Nor do they have your strength.”

Give yourself permission to walk your path and your own pace with the confidence that you have in being you. That’s what I want you to take away from this, but not only that. If you are about taking action, then take action and do the Path to Greatness training. Try it. As I said, believe me, it’s not for the faint and heart. It’s not easy, but for those of you who can only do easy at the moment, I want to share with you, don’t do it.

Let me give you something for you to do. If you’re not ready for that hard work yet on Path to Greatness. Here’s something for you to do. I want you to write down three things that you love about yourself. Write that down every day for at least seven days, then you can go back and look at the things that you love and what you love about you. You have it there. It can be something that you did very well. It can be a trade about yourself that you admire or just something that makes you unique.

Don’t make it hard. Don’t make it wrong. I know you heard me say this before. By the end of the week, you’ll have a list of reminders that not only are you enough. A list of reminders is reminding you that you’re enough, but it’s going to show you that you are more than enough, period. That’s it. With society’s, rigid expectations, endless opinions, self-expression and self-appreciation can feel challenging and daunting. Most of the time, this pushes you to dumb now, hide who you are, and just go with the flow.

I need you to know that you are YOU, unapologetically and that means being true to how you were created and not allowing other people’s opinions to affect how you show up in the world or in your life. People are going to talk about you, so we just let them talk. You need to understand you have no time to be intimidated by the presence of others, and think little of yourself. You don’t have time for that, but when you show up without pretends and hesitation. Now the world can’t go dull your glamour. They can’t steal your shine. Not at all.

Most importantly, you will be inspired to shine your light so brightly to share it and help others by giving compliments instead of comparing and help others to tap into their own brilliance. Let’s just put an end to the disparity mindset that keeps us comparing ourselves to one another and begin to own your authentic self. Join me here in this safe space where I will initiate influential conversations about you being YOU, unapologetically. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s it. You being you.

No one can do you better. No one. I promise you. Thank you for joining me on You are YOU, unapologetically. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend. Please comment below. I would love to hear some of the things that you have done. Remember, you matter. You are valuable, important, worthy, and you are more than enough. Your journey is your own. Stick to it and stay with you as you stay on your own journey. Please keep showing up and being you. Keep showing up being yourself and asking questions. Most importantly, I already said it, keep being you unapologetically. Until next time. Ciao.

Important Links

• Kim R Grimes
• Path to Greatness