In this episode, Dr. Kim R. Grimes is with author and educator Dr. Christine Herring to explore how women can master emotional regulation, especially during high-stress or high-pressure moments in leadership, relationships, and self-development. Get to the root of emotional triggers and learn to manage them with grace and power.
Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about understanding and responding to them in a way that aligns with your values and goals. For women in leadership or growth phases, mastering this skill is essential to maintaining peace, clarity, and effectiveness.
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Welcome, yes, that’s my way of saying hello and welcome back to you are you unapologetically. The show where we explore the real, the raw, and the powerful journey of being you and owning our own truth. That’s it. We’re diving deep into a topic that I know will resonate with every single listener. That’s right. Every single listener. Yes. We’re talking about emotional regulation. How to stay calm when emotions run wild. That’s it. We’ve all been there. Yes, the meeting that turns tense, the disagreement with someone, a family member.
Someone you care about. The unexpected curveball leaves us feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and even ready to explode. Emotions are a part of our lives. They are a part of being human. They are not the enemy. I need to be clear when I say this. They are not the enemy, but how we manage our emotions, how we manage them, can make or break our relationship. They can make a break in our decision-making and even make or break our health. I’m serious. We’re going to talk about how to navigate these intense feelings.
They come up out of the blue, or they’re triggered when you’re in a conversation. We’re going to navigate these intense feelings instead of letting them navigate us. Why does emotional regulation matter so much, especially for women? Why is that? It’s because research shows that women often face greater expectations to keep it all together emotionally. We’re also navigating a world that throws constant emotional challenges at us. We’re ducking and we’re diving, trying to make sure we can manage all of this.
See, we don’t regulate our emotions well. We might react impulsively. We may say things we will regret or internalize stress that affects our mental and physical health. Not to mention, if you’re a leader, it will impact your leadership. When we do regulate our emotions, see this is what happens, we respond instead of react. That’s it. We respond instead of react. We show up as grounded leaders, clear thinkers, and compassionate communicators. Emotional regulation is a skill, and just like any skill, it can be learned and strengthened.
We build on this thing. I say this all the time as I’m thinking of emotional regulation being a skill. I said this before. Listening is a skill. There’s a difference between listening and hearing. Anyway, it’s a skill. Hearing is a sense. Listening is a skill that we have to work on and that can be strengthened over time. We’re talking about emotional regulation. Here’s the most beautiful part. Once you master your emotions, once you master regulating them, you’re not just controlling your emotions, you are reclaiming your power. Don’t get it twisted.
Meet Dr. Christine Herring
To help us unpack this. It can be challenging, and depending on who’s listening and who’s dealing with it, or managing their emotions or not managing their emotions, it can be a challenging topic. I’m joined with an amazing guest who knows how to regulate their emotions. They’re clear. Our guest is an expert at staying calm, especially when emotions run wild. I am so excited for this conversation. I’m so excited to tell you about our guests. We’re now at that part where I get to introduce you to a phenomenal guest.
You guys will always hear me say that because all of our guests are phenomenal, because they’re coming and they’re sharing and they have a lot to share. They’re given value. As far as I’m concerned, all of my guests that I get to introduce here are phenomenal. Wait, you guys, I got somebody for you. Here we go. Our guest for our show is an author, trainer, consultant, and educator who brings over 25 years of expertise to her partnership with organizations seeking to elevate their mission through impactful communication and leadership development.
Her work is rooted in a deep commitment to helping individuals and teams communicate effectively, build strong relationships, and achieve sustainable growth. Wait, as the author and self-publisher of the series, Mind Jukebox: A Mental Playlist for Inclusive Leaders, Vol. 1 through Vol. 3, our guest blends music and leadership insights to help individuals shape their inner narratives.
Each chapter pairs a thoughtfully selected song with a leadership tip, offering readers a unique and engaging way to enhance their communication and leadership skills. Our guest firmly believes in the transformative power of perspective as reflected in her philosophy. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will “change.” Through her work, she empowers organizations to embrace the mindset, unlocking their potential for lasting success and positive impact. Please put your hands together and help me to warmly invite and welcome Dr. Christine Herring to the show.
Here she is. There you go. Welcome, my love. I am so glad to have you here. Thank you so much for saying yes to being on our show, where it’s your voice that we want you to share. Thank you again. We all know listeners know that our topic is Emotional Regulation: How to Stay Calm When Emotions Run Wild. Before we jump into that topic, please take a moment, Christine, and share with our listeners, with our audience, how we met.
Dr. Kim, your energy attracted me to you. That’s how we met. I was at the Enterprising Women Conference, where I was an honoree. I was like, “If I don’t meet anyone else, I’ve got to meet Dr. Kim. I got to meet that lady over there who’s emanating all that positive energy.” I believe strongly in energy. When I enter a room, I determine who I’m going to connect with from the energy I’m receiving. I told you when we met, I told you I was attracted to you from the energy that I was receiving, and you were all the way in the other room. I was like, “Who is that? I had to meet her.”
Thank you, my love. When I met Christine and I laid eyes on her, the first thing I was like, “You are so gorgeous.” You’re chocolate and you’re just scrumptious, as like, “I can bite into you.” This is what I said to her because I was attracted to her as well. Her beauty, of course, but not only that, her energy, her beauty, like caught my attention first before I even said anything. I just want to honor that because you’re some good eye candy.
I’m just saying. I got to meet her husband, you guys. Her husband was at the conference. When I finally got to meet him, I told him the same thing. I was like, “You got a nice piece of eye candy there.” He just blushed and said, “Thank you.” That’s how we met. It was a conference we both were attending. I love my guests to share how we met, how the connection came. One of the things that I know, at least for me, I don’t believe in coincidences.
What Is Emotional Regulation & Why It Matters For Women
I believe that God put people on our path for a reason and some people for seasons. With that, I am so grateful that our paths crossed and we’re in each other’s lives in space. How about we jump into our discussion? Let’s do that. Are you ready for that? I know you are. You’re getting ready. To get us started, can you just share with our listeners what emotional regulation means to you? What does that mean? Tell us why it’s critical for women.
When you told me that this was the topic, I was like, “No way, because you talked in my bio about my book series.” One of the tracks is to keep the safety on your emotional trigger. I have a whole talk around what that means. When I’m referring to emotional triggers or emotional regulation, in order to have to regulate your emotions, there’s been something to trigger them to create that need to regulate them.
When I’m referring to emotional triggers, I’m referring to those moments that spark a strong reaction. Those reactions are brought about because they tap into either past pain or some type of personal sensitivity. What happens is when they’re tapping into that past pain or that emotional sensitivity, our response to whatever is taking place is bigger than the situation. If you’re not regulating your emotional triggers, then you’re responding in a way that’s going to impact your leadership ability, your relationships, and your decision-making.
For women, it is, it is so important because we are emotional beings. We connect with people on an emotional level, not that we don’t have that. I’ll talk about the intersectionality of pragmatism, logic, and emotion, and how we have to be conscientious of intersecting the two, but we leaned towards that emotional piece. It wasn’t until I started to understand exactly why there were certain things that caused me to overreact that it wasn’t the situation or the person in front of me. It was some past pain, something that I hadn’t dealt with, that was creating that dysregulation.
I love it. As you’re speaking, you’re talking, you’re saying two words. I just want to emphasize or share this. You’re talking about reaction, and you’re talking about response. One of the things that I’ve learned is that a reaction is an immediate response that takes time. I’m saying that to say, as I hear you speaking, I hear you speaking more on a reaction. The fact that you said how we react is bigger than whatever the situation is or whatever caused us not to say what caused the trigger, but it’s the reaction that takes our emotions or causes our emotions to spiral even more out of control.
I was going to say, I love those two words because you’re right. The trigger is the reaction. The regulation is the response. When you’re learning to regulate your emotions, you’re learning how to respond to the situation and not react to the situation. While it sounds so simple and it is simple, but it takes practice because we are emotional beings. If you’ve spent a lifetime reacting, the idea of now responding takes extra steps. Sometimes there are things that have happened in our past that prevent us from being able to respond. Now we might need some help.
We might need some therapy. We might need to have somebody help us, hold us accountable. We might even need to take medicine. I am not ashamed to say that I have anxiety, and sometimes regulating my emotions and not reacting was not something that I could do well without some medication to help me be able to balance those chemicals within me to be able to do that. When I’m training and I’m talking about this particular, “Keep the safety on your emotional triggers.” I never want to diminish the fact that while it sounds easy and for some it is easy. For others, it does take a little bit more work.
The Journey Of Self-Regulation: Doing The Inner Work
It does. When we talk about work, I hear self-work, because it starts with us first. Not only that, one of the things that I learned about self-work, and in particular self-work on me as I was going through, I had to be willing to do the work. It’s a willing part of me recognizing, like, “I need to be able to do this. I need to want to do this. I don’t want to keep reacting or popping off as some of the young people say.”
I say the younger generation calls it popping off. Just to have someone say, “I need to manage that,” but being able to work on it. You indicated work like that. What you said is going to take some work. Can you share what it might look like for someone who is maybe hearing this for the very first time, who, just like you said, has not been able to regulate, or whose safety is not on their emotional triggers? You see what I’m saying? It’s off. Please share.
I think that the first thing is that you have to understand them. You have to understand them in order to respond with clarity. You have to understand them, but you have to understand what’s happening, especially when you’re under pressure, because when you’re an adult, it’s about naming it. It’s important to name it because you cannot tame it if you don’t name it. You’ve got to be able to name it. I also think that is an important thing.
You can't tame it if you don't name it Share on XI believe that when we’re working on something new, we want to take a bite-sized approach. How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time? It’s like, you cannot think that you’re going to hear some information today, and tomorrow you want to have it mastered. It takes time. After naming it so you can tame it, I think that you have to understand that the emotional triggers are beyond our control, but our responses are not. That’s the work you’re talking about.
I need you to say that one more time, please.
The triggers are beyond our control, but our responses are not. We might be used to responding one way unintentionally, just like you said, popping off, but when we put some intention behind it and we say, “I’m going to have some control over this,” that’s a little different. I’ll share just a quick example. When I first started my business, when my husband would give me feedback, I would become really sensitive.
I would get upset, and I realized that defensiveness, that shutting down, we’d be having a great time, and all of a sudden he’d say, “You know what I was thinking? I heard when you were talking the last time, maybe you might want to think about this,” or whatever it was. All of a sudden, I took it personally like he was attacking me, and my response would be fine, and fine became a four-letter word in our house. He was like, “You’re saying fine, but it ain’t fine.” I know it ain’t fine. I want to know what it is. What I started to understand is that I wasn’t responding to the man in front of me. My trigger was rooted in criticism and being undervalued by my dad.
Come on now.
I was reacting to an old wound, not to the man in front of me. When he would say what he was saying, he was saying it out of love and everything. I was hearing this old record that was playing in my head, and I guess that’s head trash. I was getting all upset. Once I recognized though, named it and tamed it. Understanding that I had control over my response. I could stop rehearsing that old pain and start responding to the man who was in front of me, trying to help me.
That part. That is such a vivid example. I truly appreciate that. There are some tools and some practices that you use to remain calm under pressure. Please share that.
In addition to naming entertainment, I do a body check. When we are being emotionally triggered, something happens in our body that our physical state can predict. For me, I start to have a hot flash. I get a little bit warm. It might also be that your jaw clenches. Your shoulders might get tight. You might shrug them up. There’s something, and everybody has their own tails. The next time you feel yourself being dysregulated with your emotions, take a quick body scan. What is happening in your body? When you can recognize that, then you can pause and reframe, and then respond.
Emotional Regulation And Leadership: Finding The Connection
I love that, because in having conversations with people to help them manage their emotions, they would share, “My back would ache,” or “I’ll get a headache,” or they would recognize some form of pain in their body that would show up when they either have anxiety or when they are triggered. That’s so on point. I appreciate that. One of the things that I wanted to ask is, because we’re talking about emotional regulation and leadership. Please share, how do they intersect?
You cannot lead in a way that’s transformative, in a way that’s supportive of people, if you don’t recognize your own emotional triggers or dysregulation. If you’re the leader, people are looking to you in moments of crisis or pressure, or deadlines. They’re looking to you to regulate themselves. If you’re regulated, you’re setting the tone, then that’s going to create, they say, “The culture starts at the top.” The leader is the person who sets the tone for the culture. I try to keep it simple. That’s why, like I said, something as simple as name entertainment.
What are some of the things that have happened or that are in your life that can create, like, maybe when you’re out as a leader, there’s a person in your space that triggers you, you’ve got to get under there. What’s the root cause of that? That person who might remind you of something, they may do something that has caused you deep pain or whatever. You’ve got to figure out what it is. You’ve got to be able to deal with it. Have a conversation.
As a leader, we have to be bigger than the situation so that we can handle the situation. The idea of pause, reframe, and then respond. When you pause, you’re taking that deep breath as someone who’s leading an organization or leading a team. You don’t want to just answer right away because you might not be in the right frame of mind to answer. Maybe somebody has missed the deadline for the umpteenth time, and you’re just ticked off. Take that pause. Think about how you reframe it instead of thinking, “They are never on time. They’ll never do anything right. I cannot depend on them.”
Maybe the thought is, “What do they need? What are they going through? What’s happening in their life? Why are they missing every deadline? Do they have too much responsibility?” Now you’re reframing it. The response is to sit down and have a conversation. How can I support you so that you don’t miss the next deadline? Let’s talk about your workflow. Let’s talk about what caused this. “At what point should you have gotten help?” Let’s take a look at the whole situation before we go up the ladder and start telling ourselves a story.
Handling Emotional Triggers From Leaders And Others
I love it, especially the story that we create, because as human beings, we are so good at creating a story with someone looking at you. They may not even be paying attention to you, but it looks as if, from our perspective or my perspective, someone’s looking at me or they’re cutting their eyes at me, but they’re probably looking beyond me, but I create a story, and we do that. I create a story. Here, I wanted to ask you. Your example was from a leader’s perspective of someone in maybe on their team, maybe a subordinate.
What if the role is reversed, where you have a leader or supervisor or manager or whatever, someone in that lead position that they don’t know they’re triggered, but they’re intimidated by you because you tend to manage yours? They’re not regulating their emotions, but they recognize, and they don’t really see you doing it, but the way you show up is that you’re not reacting, you’re responding. Yet this person now has a thing out for you.
I always say to people, “People will push your buttons when they see them.” It’s just like going to the elevator. How do you beckon that elevator and tell that elevator, “I want you to come down to the first floor?” You push the button. When you get on the elevator, it’s a litany of floors. A litany of buttons. You push the button for the one you want. We get the elevator to react to us or respond, or do what we want it to do.
Sometimes, as human beings, we tend to do that. Especially people who are intimidated by other people and don’t know how to manage their emotions, yet they now see, “I’m going to make this person’s life miserable.” What advice can you give someone who is tuning in, and they get exactly what you’re saying, but they’re not the ones who are being triggered? They are the ones who are triggering, not intentionally, but the person who’s being triggered by them doesn’t know how to regulate. What can you say to that person?
Dr. Kim, that’s a tough one because for me, and I’ve had to understand, see, first of all, with me, it’s dignity and respect. You are going to respect me, and I remember on several of my jobs before I started running my own business, people would say, “We cannot do that, we’ll get in trouble.” I would stop and say, “Get in trouble? I’m a grownup.” I don’t even get in trouble from my parents anymore. How is someone that I work with, whether I work for you or not, you’re still a colleague, going to get me in trouble?
What I say to someone who is dealing with a situation like that is that you have to find your courage to have a conversation because most of the time, if that’s happening, there’s some level of disrespect. Nobody should be in a space where someone is hollering at you. I’m demeaning you, putting you down. I’ve said, “I have not always been very savvy at the onset because I would walk out of the place.”
If you disrespected me, I would say, and at that time, like I said, it was not the best thing to do to walk off a job when you didn’t have another one lined up. I also know that I serve a God who always has my back, but my faith might be stronger than someone else’s faith. What I told my children is “No matter what, you always have a plan B. You know when a situation is not good for you before it gets to a point that you cannot take it.”
When the situation starts to reveal itself, just because your emotions are regulated, when someone is interacting with you, this is a power dynamic, and their emotions aren’t regulated, you feel it. You feel it in your jaw because you’re refraining from saying some things you might want to say. You feel it in your shoulders, your body. You’re going home at night. You might have headaches. You have silently quit. When those things start to happen, that means several things.
Either you’re going to try to have a conversation, which in some cases, you’ll know right away if that’s going to work or not. You want to have a conversation, you’re going to stand to demand your dignity and your respect, but then you’re working on your plan B because if that’s a space that’s allowing that, that’s not a space that you should be in. There are plenty of spaces out here. We just have to be willing to put ourselves out there and go get them. Don’t wait until it gets to the point that it’s so bad.
I got it. Thank you so much for that. I just want to indicate what’s out of my control. If it’s out of my control, the way you perceive me, what you look at me, how you think of me, all of that is out of my control. I have no control over that. Because I don’t have any control over it, I’m not trying to control it. What I mean by that is I cannot control how you think of me. I cannot. What I can do and do certain things, they serve to help persuade you otherwise, but if that’s not working. It’s like you said, it’s time for plan B.
I have found that the challenge is sometimes that we feel like someone is our supervisor. They have permission to do that. Nobody should ever be given permission to disrespect you. What I have found with my three adult daughters and in my life experiences is that when you stand on principle and you tell someone, “I don’t know if you’re having a bad day today. I’m not sure. Is everything okay because your tone is bordering on disrespect, and I’m not disrespecting you. I’m not going to receive disrespect from you.”
Nobody should ever be given permission to disrespect you Share on XMost of the time, people who are like that’ll do it to everybody else, but they won’t do it to you because you let them know. I’ve been in places where they’re like, “How can you stand to be with that person?” I was like, “That’s not been my experience,” but they know. “That’s not the way you’re going to come at me, because I’m not going to receive it.”
Coping With Emotional Reactions: Advice For Struggling Individuals
We can talk forever and ever here. I’m just loving this so much. Let me ask you this question. What advice would you give to someone struggling? They’re popping off every time you turn around, struggling to manage their emotional reaction. What advice would you give that person?
One thing I would tell them is that you can be in a storm without becoming the storm.
Say that again, please.
You can be in a storm without becoming the storm. I have a quote that’s by Viktor Frankl. It’s something like between stimulus. What’s happening and response is a space, and in that space is your power to choose your response. If this is a person out there that’s struggling, like you said, given a whole lot of stuff is not going to work. They’re not going to remember, and when it’s happening and emotions are high, you’re not going to remember all of that, but you cannot remember this.
You can be in a storm without becoming the storm Share on XYou can remember there is power in the pause. Whether you started going down and you’re going through that, this right, stop, pause, take a few deep breaths, put it in a parking lot, step away from it. Step away from the person. Step away from your computer. Whatever it is, stop. That’s simple. You can pause and give yourself some chance to take a chance to breathe and calm yourself down. Just practice that you’re pausing. That’s it.
How To Connect With Dr. Christine Herring
Dr. Christine, thank you so much. This has been so juicy and so informative and so much value. Thank you so much. Here’s what I would love for you to do at this moment. Please take a moment and please share with our listeners. How can they connect with you? You poured into us, and if someone is listening and they’re like, “How can I connect with her?” Please share how can someone who’s tuning in connect with you? Whatever your website, email. Just share, please.
My website is HerringSeminars.com, and on my website, you can find information about how to purchase my books. I’m also doing a wellness retreat in October. If there’s anybody out there who is interested in taking a pause and getting your cup filled, we’re going to talk about during the retreat, how to not give from your cup, but fill your cup so that you have overflow, and that’s where you’re giving from the overflow. HerringSeminars.com is how you can find out all that information. I’m on LinkedIn, Dr. Christine Herring. My email is Christine@HerringSeminars.com.
Can you share a little more detail about your retreat, or a link, or the dates, because of the time? Can you show a little bit more of that?
The retreat is in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. It’s going to be October 14th through the 17th. It is a wellness retreat for women where we’re going to be pouring into ourselves, then just taking that time to understand, as women leaders, emotional triggers, and how to take that intentional pause. As women, we don’t do it. We take care of everyone else, but we forget to take care of ourselves. Let me put it like this. We forget to prioritize ourselves.
We’re going to be talking about why it’s important to prioritize yourself and how it contributes to the way you show up. If you go to HerringSeminars.com, at the top, there’s a tab for retreat. All the information is there, how to pay, and everything. If you have any questions or just want to talk about it? Don’t let anything keep you from participating without having a conversation first.
That part right there. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for opening us up and pouring into us and allowing us to absorb all that you have. Thank you. We truly appreciate all the insights that you shared. Thank you for the information about your retreat.
Thank you, Dr. Kim. This has been so much fun. I could keep going on and on. This is just like us sitting here having a conversation, drinking our tea. This was amazing. Thank you for asking me.
You’re welcome. That means I will invite you back. You are welcome back. We will do this again.
Yes, ma’am.
You’re welcome. You guys, we want to say thank you again to Dr. Christine Herring. What an amazing message, and just take a deep breath, feel what you feel, and I’ll be back.
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Recap: The Power Of Emotional Regulation & Self-Care
I’m back. Thank you. Dr. Christine Herring, thank you. It was so amazing, that segment. I’m just so excited for, like I said, for the conversation that she came and that she was our guest. I’m so excited. I also want to share a little bit of wisdom on the topic as well. As Dr. Christine stated, when we talk about emotional regulation, we’re talking about the ability to manage and respond to our emotional experiences in a way that’s healthy and effective. It’s not about suppressing emotions or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about, and she said it, and I love it.
It’s about acknowledging them, processing them, and deciding how to respond. Notice I didn’t say react or how to respond. Dr. Christine shared her expertise and her experience on what emotional regulation looks like in real life. She just gave us so much to go on, and I’m so glad that she was here. Often, we try to push away or push our emotions away, thinking that’s a threat. I’m being strong. I’m not going to deal with this emotion.
When actually, strength is feeling the emotion. That’s what strength is. Feel the emotion when it comes up, but do not let it or allow it to control you. That’s what strength is. For some of us, it’s criticism, whether at work or at home. For others, it’s feeling ignored, dismissed, or disrespected. Dr. Christine spoke about that as well. Sometimes it’s even physical. The lack of sleep, hunger, or chronic stress can make us far more reactive and less responsive. Let’s get practical. Dr. Christine said one of the first steps to regulating your emotions is recognizing what sets them off.
She said, “Name it to tame it, recognizing them.” We need to identify our emotional triggers before we explode. This is what we need to do. I love that she shared with us, name it or tame it. I think I’m going to use that more often because it’s clear and concise, and it’s simple. Keeping an emotional journal for a day or two or even a week can reveal some patterns that you might miss otherwise. That’s something I want to add because we’re naming them, to tame them, but let’s keep a journal.
Not only that, but you can also identify some patterns. Once you see the pattern, you can prepare for it instead of being blindsided by it. Let me remind our listeners of some of the tools that were discussed earlier in the session, because when emotions run high, we need more than just to calm down. I get it, because just the word alone, calm down to me, when someone says it to me, it triggers me. Let me just say that I have been saying that to my husband, and he said to me, “Why is it okay for you to tell me to calm down? If I say it to you, it triggers you.”
He was being real with it. I said, “Let me handle that.” When my emotions run high, when your emotions run high, we need more than just to calm down. We need a strategy that works in the moment. Strategies that are going to work for us right there in the moment where we’re present to the emotion that is running wild. Here are some powerful ones in just reiterating some of the things that Dr. Christine said, breathing techniques, like box breathing, to slow your heart rate. She said, “Pause,” just pause. I’m saying just stop.
Just pause. She said, “Pause and breathe.” I love to do that. I find myself doing that sometimes as well, where I just have to say, “Let me just stop and let me just breathe.” Pausing before responding, even a five-second pause, can shift the outcome. I know pausing or that silence may feel awkward, but believe me, it works. Believe me, it works. Another is grounding exercises. One of the things that I like to do is to make sure both of my feet are on the ground. If I’m sitting in a chair and I’m having a conversation, I put both feet on the ground.
I’m grounded, and then I focus on my senses. I focus on not all my feelings in a sense, because sometimes they’re there, but I don’t want to put all my focus on my feelings. I want to help use my senses, my hearing, my seeing, all of that to bring me back to focus or to bring me present to the moment. I personally, like I said, use the pause and the breathing technique in high-stress situations. As I said, it’s a game-changer. It is definitely a game-changer. The key to practicing these tools is to use them when you’re not stressed. That’s the key. When you’re not stressed that they become second nature to you.
There are times throughout the day when I just need to stop and take in the moment, taking in what’s going on in the moment. There may not be anything. I just probably have a lot going on, a lot of head chat, a lot of things going on. “I’ve got to go here. I got to do this. I got to be there.” Sometimes it just requires me just to stop, and then I can focus on my senses. I can breathe, and that helps. Again, doing these things when there isn’t a stressful moment or when you’re not stressed will allow these tools to become second nature to you.
Emotional regulation that it is. Here’s what it’s not. It isn’t just about a crisis moment. It’s also about building a lifestyle that supports emotional resilience. What is this going to do? It’s going to help you in those times when you’re triggered and you’re out in public and you’re triggered and you didn’t even see it coming. You’re like, “Whoa,” because somebody said something to you or they did something disrespectful, and you didn’t see it coming.
Again, when you practice these things, they become second nature, but also, emotional regulation is about regular self-care. You are managing your self-care. Exercising that is making sure that you’re resting, not just, “I need to go to sleep,” but you’re pausing and you’re stopping and you’re just resting and you’re being still and you’re being silent. Great, regular self-care. Some of us have hobbies that we like, and they take away the stress. Healthy boundaries, protecting your time and energy. I had to learn that the hard way.
One of the things that I always hear about me, and I’ll guess, I said it. Dr. Christine is my energy. Your energy. I hear it all the time. I’m so grateful. I really know that this is a gift of mine from God, to be honest. One of the things that I had to do was I had to learn how to manage my energy, protect my energy, and protect my time. That’s a healthy boundary for me as well, because what I found, realized there are energy sappers and energy stealers. As well as time. I protect those by having healthy boundaries and a support system.
A support system surrounding myself with people who can help me regulate my emotions, and not those people who help me to escalate my emotions or explode. Just want to be clear. This conversation, like I said, has been so rich. A really rich conversation that I want to share some of the key takeaways that I took away. I want to make sure that you can have these takeaways. One, emotional regulation is not suppression. It’s not run away from it. Don’t deal with your emotions. It’s skillful management of your emotional responses.
That’s what it is. Skillful management of your emotional response. Two, knowing your triggers. It gives you the power to prepare and not just react. It allows you to respond. See, when we talk about reacting, it’s immediate. When we talk about responding, it takes time. Just like Dr. Christine said, name it to tame it. We want to tame it. You make sure you name it. Tools like mindful breathing, pausing, and grounding can help you stay calm in the heat of the moment. I kid you not. That’s number three, using tools.
In the heat of the moment, when you not only exhale, but breathe. It helps, I’m telling you. Four, long-term habits, such as self-care, putting boundaries in place, and having a strong support system can help build emotional resilience over time. When you’re around people who can regulate their emotions, and they’re not what we can call pop it off, like I said earlier, pop it off, they’re not just coming at you sideways all the time. This helped tremendously, I’m telling you. Remember this. Emotions are not a weakness. It’s not a weakness.
They’re a part of your power. They’re part of my power. The more we learn to regulate them, the more we can lead, the more we can connect, and the more we can create without losing ourselves in the process. Do I need to say that again? I think I do. Emotions are not a weakness. It’s not our weakness. They are part of our power. The more we know how to regulate our emotions, the more we can lead, the more we can connect with people, the more we can create. Our creativity juices are flowing without losing ourselves in the process.
Before I close, I cannot leave without providing some action steps. We always give action steps. Here are a few for you to do. You can start, keeping emotional journals. Try it for a couple of days. Try it for a week so that you can spot your triggers and see if there’s a pattern. Remember the term, name it to tame it. Thank you, Dr. Christine, for that practice one. Calming technique daily. Practice something daily. Just breathing a simple pause. I do these things when you’re not stressed and then identify at least one boundary.
You can strengthen this week to protect your emotional space. Who do you no longer need to be around? I’m just saying. Do you need to find another job because your employer is too tense and or the environment is too toxic? Come on, work with me here. Let’s put some of these action steps in play and let’s start. Promise? With society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions, self-expression and self-appreciation can feel challenging and daunting, to say the least. Most of the time, and just like I said before, this pushes you, me, and us to dumb down.
Act like, “We’re good,” like nothing changed, like everything is all right. Hide what is really going on inside of us. We do that, and just “I’m going to just go with the flow.” I need to remind you, and I do this at every episode that we publish for broadcast. You are you unapologetically. That means being true to how you were created, how you were created, and not allowing people’s opinions to affect how you show up in life.
Don’t allow their opinions to affect how you show up at work, how you show up right at school, how you show up with your mother, your father, your siblings, or your spouse, because you have no time to be intimidated by the presence of others and think little of yourself. No time whatsoever. Time’s gone, time’s up. When you show up without pretense and hesitation, the world cannot dull your glamor. I dare you to try. I dare you to try it. Most importantly, when you show up without pretense and hesitation, you will be inspired to shine your light and share it so that you can help others tap into their own brilliance so they can see their own life.
That’s what I’m talking about. Together, let’s put an end to this disparity mindset and begin to own our own authentic selves. You begin to own your authentic self and join me here in a safe space where I always initiate influential conversations about you being you. That’s what I do. You being you. Why? It’s because you are you unapologetically at no one is better at being you than you.
No one. Thank you so much again and again, Dr. Christine Herring, for joining us and sharing your wisdom. We are so grateful. We are blessed because you were here, and thank you, listeners. Thank you for showing up day after day, episode after episode, thank you for showing up on this show. Most of all, I want to thank you for showing up for yourself. Now, let me say this. If this episode resonates with you, share it.
Do the obvious. Share it with another person. Share it with another woman. Share it with someone you may know who is popping off with someone who can use these tools. Remember, you are you unapologetically, and your emotions are part of that truth. All that truth, own who you are. Until next time. Take care of yourself, honor your emotions, and keep stepping into your power. Keep being you unapologetically. Ciao for now.
Important Links
- Dr. Christine Herring
- Dr. Christine Herring on LinkedIn
- Christine@HerringSeminars.com
- Mind Jukebox: A Mental Playlist for Inclusive Leaders, Vol. 1 through Vol. 3
About Dr. Christine Herring
Dr. Christine Herring, an author, trainer, consultant, educator, brings over 25 years of expertise to her partnerships with organizations seeking to elevate their missions through impactful communication and leadership development.
Her work is rooted in a deep commitment to helping individuals and teams communicate effectively, build strong relationships, and achieve sustainable growth.
As the author and self-publisher of the series Mind Jukebox: A Mental Playlist for Inclusive Leaders, Volumes 1 through 3, Dr. Herring blends music and leadership insights to help individuals reshape their inner narratives. Each chapter pairs a thoughtfully selected song with a leadership tip, offering readers a unique and engaging way to enhance their communication and leadership skills.
Dr. Herring firmly believes in the transformative power of perspective, as reflected in her philosophy: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.” Through her work, she empowers organizations to embrace this mindset, unlocking their potential for lasting success and positive impact.