This episode dives deep into the often-hidden emotional and mental struggles women face while pursuing purpose-driven goals. From battling imposter syndrome and mom guilt to feeling overwhelmed by societal pressure and unrealistic comparisons, this conversation unpacks what many don’t talk about out loud. The goal? To normalize these experiences, dismantle shame, and remind women that inner battles don’t make them weak; they make them real. Joining us is Tonya Thomas, the founder of Team Delegate, a premier provider of elite virtual executive assistant support tailored for small business owners and entrepreneurs.
Why It’s Important:
Many women dream of building something bigger—whether it’s a business, a career legacy, or a movement—but behind the scenes are silent battles: self-doubt, guilt about balancing family and ambition, fear of failure, and comparison to others. These inner battles are often unspoken, yet they shape every decision and can either fuel growth or stop progress. By talking about them openly, we normalize the experience and empower women to keep building while embracing their full, authentic selves.
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The Inner Battles Women Face While Building Something Bigger With Tonya Thomas
Welcome back to another episode of the show, where we celebrate your journey and remind you to show up in your life, your business, and your dreams fully and authentically. That’s what we do. This episode is called The Inner Battles Women Face While Building Something Bigger. That’s a juicy topic. Here’s why.
When you are a woman on a mission, maybe you’re starting your own business, climbing the corporate ladder, or building something meaningful for your family, there’s so much people see on the outside, like the wins, the highlight reels, and the milestones. What they don’t always see are the inner battles that we deal with, like the self-doubt at midnight, the times you wonder if you are enough, the guilt of feeling like you are not doing enough for your family or your team, and the fear that people won’t take you seriously.
These battles are real. I don’t want you to think that you are weak because they’re real. They make you human. These battles make you human. We’re going to dive into this topic with honesty, so that if you’ve been feeling these struggles, you know that you are not alone. Why is this topic so important? Why is it that we want to take a moment and have a conversation around this topic? Here’s why.
Many women dream of building something big. They have a goal. It’s something they want to do. It’s their career. It’s a legacy. It’s a movement. It may even be a business that they want to start, but behind the scenes are silent battles. They’re battles that we endure. I’ve mentioned it already, and I’m going to say it again. Self-doubt. We doubt ourselves. We second-guess ourselves. We don’t feel that we have enough value.
We feel guilty about balancing our families and our ambitions. We deal with guilt. We feel bad when we’re taking time out from our families, our loved ones, or our husbands, even. We feel fear of failure. Many of us are fearful of failing, which we don’t even know that failing is a part of the process. We let that hold us back. We compare ourselves to other businesses that may be in the industry, and they’re doing so much better. We do these things.
These are the inner battles that are often unspoken. We don’t talk about them. We don’t share them. Yet, these inner battles that we don’t talk about shape every decision that we make. They can even fuel your growth or stop your progress. Are they stopping your progress? Are you stuck? In this episode, we’re going to talk about them openly. We normalize the experience and empower women to keep building while embracing their full, authentic selves. We’re also going to talk about what it takes to keep moving forward and how to protect your energy and your mindset along the way. That’s what this episode is all about.
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Who Is Tonya Thomas: Meet Our Guest!
I know you are probably tired of me saying this time and time again every time I have an episode about my guests. I’m biased. I feel that all of my guests are phenomenal. Every time I get to introduce a new one, the feeling is there. This guest is just as phenomenal as the rest. Let me tell you about our guest. Our guest is the Founder of Team Delegate, a premier provider of elite virtual executive assistant support tailored for small business owners and entrepreneurs.
Team Delegate’s highly skilled executive virtual assistants deliver comprehensive administrative services, empowering time-strapped CEOs, like me, to double their productivity and ultimately triple their earnings. As a pioneer in the virtual assistant industry, our guest began her journey as a solo virtual executive assistant, serving high-level clients for eighteen years. She then leveraged her expertise to expand her company into an executive virtual assistant firm, leading a team of skilled assistants. Her passion lies in showing business owners how strategic delegation can significantly enhance their bottom line.
She has been featured in national media outlets such as Entrepreneur and Black Enterprise. She has also spoken for Dell Women’s Entrepreneur Network, DWEN, and Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Business Forum, and has been a guest on various shows, i.e., ours. She was included in KNOW’s 40 over 40 class of 2024, and she received the 2025 Enterprising Women of the Year Award. Our guest lives in Dallas, Texas, with her husband and two sons. In her free time, she enjoys walking, reading, and watching her favorite TV shows and movies. Please help me welcome our guest for this episode, Miss Tonya Thomas.
Tonya, welcome. It’s a pleasure to have you here. Thank you so much for saying yes. I truly appreciate you being here.
Thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here.
Before we dive into the juicy of the juiciest, I always love for our guests to share how we met. My audience knows that I’m all over the place, so I love for our guests to take a moment and share how we connected and how we met. Please feel free to share.
We met at the Enterprising Women Conference. I remember I had arrived and had gotten into the hotel. I got my bags and everything put in the room, and I was trying to get down to get to registration to make it on time. When I got down there, they were wrapping up. I saw you. You were so welcoming. You were like, “Come on in. We wrapped up, but I can get you registered.” I remember that. That was so refreshing for me after having traveled for so long to have a nice, welcoming face and somebody to help me. It was my first time being at the conference, so thank you for that. That is how we connected and met.
That was a phenomenal conference. Congratulations again for being an honoree.
Thank you.
One of the things that Monica Smiley asked me when she asked me to do her registration table was, “We need someone who’s going to welcome everybody and help them to feel like they’re welcome.” For you to share what you shared, thank you so much. That clearly says I’m doing my job. Thank you. I appreciate it. Let’s get this thing started.
I want to acknowledge something. When you are building something bigger than yourself, fear and doubt show up with no doubt every day. This is a daily visitor. I know from personal reasons, or I experienced it myself. We face moments when we’re like, “Am I doing the right thing?” A question pops up in our heads. We’re like, “Will this ever work?” Those are what I like to call the head chatter that shows up. Let me ask you. In your journey, what inner battles have you personally faced as you built your business or as you worked on your career or a huge project? Please share, and let us know how you handled them.
Battling The Inner Critic: Overcoming Self-Doubt And Imposter Syndrome
It’s something that I face quite often, but if I have to think about one of the big ones, it was when I decided to scale, going from a solo business owner to someone with a team. For me, in doing this, that meant that I was going to have to allow other people to work with my clients. That was very scary for me. I remember that.
I kept telling myself, “If you want to move forward, you’ve got to do this.” I was talking myself into it. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but the fears that I had were realized. That got me to a point where I also thought, “Maybe this didn’t do what I wanted to do,” but I’m still here. I got past those things, but it was super challenging. That was probably the biggest thing that I can think of.
As women, a lot of us talk about these issues. We battle with imposter syndrome. That’s what I hear you saying. It was that little voice that said, “Who am I to do this?” Have you ever experienced that in a way where it got your attention? How did you quiet that voice?
It’s something that happens to me all the time. You are working, and you are trying to achieve a goal. That voice pops up to say, “You can’t do that. What makes you think you can do that?” I’m always looking at other people and thinking, “They’re human like I am. They did it, so I should be able to do it.” It’s still sometimes difficult to imagine myself being able to hit those goals. I don’t know why we all experience that. I have no idea.
I try to keep little things on my desk that I can see to help motivate me and help me to keep going. You can do something as simple as sending something out. If it’s crickets, then it’s like, “That’s it. I knew it. That wasn’t going to work.” It’s easy to try to fall back into that. It’s a daily thing, almost, especially when you are running and trying to operate and grow a business.
At the same time. You said you were looking at others, in a sense, like, “Who am I?” There’s also a little pressure of comparison when you’re looking outside and seeing others. Did you have that experience? You said something here about you sometimes putting something on your desk. When you’re in a moment and you’re locked in, comparing yourself with someone else, what can you do or what did you do to help you refocus?
Usually, I’ll say this. If it’s in my industry, I don’t look at it. I know they tell you, “Keep in touch with what your competition’s doing,” but for me, I found that that was the terror. What I would find myself doing is comparing myself to them. It didn’t help my thought process. The right word that I’m looking for is that it didn’t motivate me. I found that it was doing that.
If it’s somebody in my industry, I don’t pay attention to it. However, there are other people who aren’t in my industry. I still see people who, at least from the outside, look like they’re doing well, or I don’t know if they’re doing well. Maybe they’ve got an award for being at a certain revenue level. That confirms they are there, and they are successful in doing this.
It does two things for me. Sometimes, it can demotivate me and think, “Will I ever get there?” Sometimes, too, it’s the opposite. I’m like, “If they did it, then I should be able to do it.” There has to be some sort of pathway or something like that that they did to get there, and I’m determined to do it. Sometimes, I even wonder that to myself. It’s like, “How do I get up every day and come in here with the motivation and determination to keep going?”
It has to be my calling, I would think. I do wonder about that sometimes. It’s like, “It has to be my calling because otherwise, why do I keep doing this?” Especially if I’ve had a bad day before or something happened, I have had those times where I’m sometimes even in tears, sitting here. Once I get over it, I come right back in here and keep going. That’s the only thing I can attest to.
Navigating Guilt: Balancing Ambition And Family Life
It’s in us. It’s in you. It’s a part of you. This is my thought. Do we wake up one day and say, “I’m tired of this right arm. I’m going to cast you to the side.” We can’t because it’s a part of us. That’s what I hear you saying, particularly about your business. It’s a part of you. It’s like, “Sometimes, I may have an ache in my arm. When I lean on it too hard, it falls asleep.” We can’t separate ourselves from it. I get exactly what you’re saying 100%. You know the word guilt. I know you heard of it. Sometimes, that feeling of emotional guilt comes up in us when we’re sacrificing time with family or neglecting other responsibilities. How do you personally navigate that feeling of guilt when it shows up?
That’s something that I’ve dealt with over the years. As you read in the bio, I’ve been in business for twenty years, or a little more so. When I first started, my oldest son was maybe four, somewhere around there.. I remember always spending a lot of time in the office because I was getting started then. I would spend a tremendous amount of time in there. He would come in sometimes and play around the office, and I would feel so bad. That is something that has been challenging to deal with.
Now, he’s older. He is 25. I have an eighteen-year-old as well. The eighteen-year-old was born during this process. It’s still challenging even though they’re older because both of them are still here at the house. No matter how old your kids get, you’re still a mom, and you’re still momming them. It’s just different things. When they were little, it may have been, “Don’t touch that,” or whatever. As they are coming into adulthood, I am still trying to teach them how to manage their money. It’s different things like that. It could be helping them find a job.
I am still dealing with those types of things, and I find myself still feeling guilt. I was thinking that they both work. Their off days are different. I need to sit down with them and talk to them a little bit more about managing their finances. When do I do that? Even now that they’re older, they’ll come in here in the office. One of them did not long ago. He was thinking about taking some college courses. I’m explaining to him, “I’m working. You’ll have to come after hours.” I still feel guilty.
In that part, I try to do what I can. I make sure that if it’s in the evening or something like that, I get with them. If they come in here, which most of the time they still try to come in when mom is working, I’ll stop and I’ll help them. That is something that we always deal with. I feel like that doesn’t go away. You’re going to feel guilty.
One thing that I try to do is cook dinner every day. I make sure that I do that for them. We all sit down and have meals together. In the evenings, I watch television with my husband. I still try to make time for it. As I’m talking out loud, I see that I am incorporating it all, even though I feel like I’m not. I have worked in my own little system to make sure that I still spend time with them. A lot of work goes into this.
Thank you so much. Don’t believe the height in thinking the guilt stops. The guilt is there, and it will always be there because you are always a mom. There’s nothing that’s going to change the fact that you will never be a mom because you’re always a mom. You’re always a wife. In our household, I don’t have children, but I’m a wife. I get exactly what you’re saying because I feel guilty. I’m like, “I need to do this.” My husband will come in and say, “I need to talk about this,” and I’m like, “Babe, I’m on a call.” He’ll look at the screen and be like, “I’m sorry,” and make his way out of the office. I get what you’re saying. It’s managing that.
What you also indicated is that you recognize that there are things that you do to not find an excuse or to say, “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you time.” It’s you loving them. It’s you doing the things that you do on a daily basis to show them that, “Although I’m busy, I do love you. You’re important to me.” I clearly hear you, and I clearly get it.
What I want our audience to walk away with is some steps that they can take from your sharing. Do you have any habits or maybe a mindset shift that you underwent that helped you to overcome those inner battles that come up, such as guilt, pressure, comparing yourself, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and all of those things? Is there something that you can share? It doesn’t have to be anything big and spectacular. It could be something small for them to take or do now. They can implement that now.
Building Your Support System: The Power Of Mentors
For me, it is having personal mentors and then what I call virtual mentors. Those personal mentors, for me, are my mother and my husband. I don’t think that I would probably still be doing this if it weren’t for them. Whenever I’m having a hard time, I go to them. They always give me the best advice. They always encourage me.
My virtual mentors are people who don’t even know that I exist. These are people that I follow online. They have podcasts. They’ll do videos online. They always provide encouragement as well. I listen to those people almost on a daily basis. When I’m doing laundry or when I’m cooking dinner, I have them in my head.
Those are things that I use to help me stay motivated and help with the imposter syndrome and all of those types of things. You need that in order to keep going because this is a journey as you’re going about your business. As people say, you can’t do it alone. Have somebody in your corner like that that you can talk to. If you don’t have personal ones, find virtual ones and listen to them. That’s what helps me to stay motivated.
That’s so powerful. Thank you so much for that. For me personally, one of the things that helped me was writing down my why. Why am I doing this? There was a time when I wrote it down weekly, like, “Why am I doing this? What am I doing this for?” It reminded me of my why, but I also recognized that the growth took time. It’s not going to happen overnight. That helped me tremendously.
You shared your husband and your mother. You shared the part about the virtual assistants and how they don’t even know you. You watch people. You find people to empower you, encourage you, and motivate you, to keep you going, which is scrumptious. Let me ask you this. For a woman who feels stuck in their inner struggle of feeling comparison, doubt, and imposter syndrome, and they can’t move, what advice would you give to this person or this woman?
Unlocking Inner Strength: Your Calling And Journey To Success
I would say, “You have it in you.” We all do. If that’s on your heart, then that’s your calling. Realize that. If that’s something that you are striving for and it’s been on your heart for a long time, you have it in you to keep going. Building that inner strength inside of you and knowing that is what’s going to help keep you going. Realize that you’re going to have tough days. It’s a journey. It’s not something that’s a sprint or that happens overnight. Realize that, and know that you have that in you. If that’s something that’s on your heart and it has been placed there, then that’s your calling. Remember that.
You have it in you; we all do. Share on XThank you. What I hear you saying is knowing who you are and what you are doing on the inside and holding onto that. That is what you want this woman to know. You hold onto that and don’t let go. That’s what I hear you saying, right?
Correct.
For our readers who want to connect with you, please feel free to provide a way for them to connect with you. Share your website or your email address. Tell us a little bit more about your company and what you’re doing. Share your social media handle. Whatever you would like to share, please do so, so our readers will know how to connect with you.
As Dr. Kim mentioned earlier, I have a company called Team Delegate. It is US-based virtual EAs. We provide remote assistance, calendar management, inbox management, and client care. We provide anything to help support you as you grow your business, to give you the time that you need to work on your business and not in it. You can learn more about us at TeamDelegate.com. I am also a heavy LinkedIn user. You can find me there as Tonya Thomas.
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, pouring out value, and giving back to our community. We truly appreciate you for being here. Thank you again and again. To our readers, I’ll be right back after this.
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I’m back. This has been such a rich conversation. Thank you, Tonya Thomas, for saying yes, for being here, and for sharing your insights. Let’s recap some key takeaways for everyone tuning in. Inner battles like self-doubt, guilt, and comparison are common. What you want to do is acknowledge them. That’s the first step in battling them. Acknowledge them because it’s common. Tonya said it. Guilt doesn’t stop. It’s going to be there. The thing is, how do you manage that guilt? What do you do? Do you carry it around with you all day long, every day, feeling guilty? No. It’s common.
Tonya said this as well. Surround yourself with people who will uplift you and who are going to support you. Put a support system in place that matters. I love that Tonya said she has in-person and virtual mentors. The virtual mentors don’t even know about her. They don’t know she exists, but she follows them and allows them to empower and encourage her.
Here’s something. Celebrate small wins along the way to stay motivated. I love to celebrate. I don’t care how minute or how micro the win is. I’m celebrating. I celebrate with ice cream and cookies because I like to eat. Let’s celebrate the small wins along the way. Write down your why. This is something that I did. It helped me, and it kept me grounded. When doubt creeps in, then you have something to look at where you’re like, “This is my why. Why am I doubting myself? This is why I’m doing this.”
I want you to always remember building something bigger. It’s a journey. That’s what Tonya said. It’s not a rat race at all. It can be, but here’s the thing. It’s not a race. Recognize the fact that this is a journey. We have to take some action. I want you guys to take some action. Take out your journal. You can also write on a piece of paper or put notes on your phone. Whatever is easy for you is what I want you to do.
Here’s your action step. What’s one inner battle that you’ve been facing? I want you to write down that inner battle that you’ve been facing. Is it self-doubt? Is it guilt? Is it comparing yourself to others? Is it the Impost syndrome? Write it down. I then want you to write about how that one battle has been holding you back. That’s what I want you to do.
I want you to have a conversation with yourself about how that one thing has been holding you back, and a step that you can take so that you can move forward despite the inner battles. It may be reaching out to a mentor. It may be finding a virtual mentor. It could be something as simple as setting a boundary. Set a boundary, such as time. The other boundary that you can set is a space boundary as well. Give yourself time and space to be in that battle, but then that’s it, whatever it is.
The other thing that I want you to do is celebrate a recent win. You may not want to do it with ice cream or cookies like me, but make sure you celebrate it. You can buy yourself a book. You can buy yourself some earrings. It can be something simple. You don’t have to spend a whole lot or do a whole lot to celebrate.
You guys hear me say this over and over again. I’d like to end my episode with this. The rigid expectations, endless opinions, self-expression, and self-appreciation feel challenging. It becomes daunting. We don’t want to do it, and because of that, we push it away, we hide, we run from it, or we go with the flow.
I’m here to tell you that you are you unapologetically. It means being true to how you were created and not allowing people’s opinions, sometimes your own, to affect how you show up in life. Don’t allow it to affect how you show up in life, how you show up at work, or how you show up with people because you don’t have time. There’s no time to be intimidated by the presence of others and to think little of yourself. That’s a waste of time.
When you show up without pretense or without hesitation, I say it over and over, but the world can’t dull your glamor. The world can’t touch you when you show up like that. Here’s the sweet part. You will be empowered and inspired to shine your light, and shine it so brightly, and share it with others so that you can empower them and encourage them to share or tap into their own brilliance.
What are we trying to do here? Put an end to this disparaging mindset and begin to own your authentic self. That’s what I’m talking about here. Join me here. Here, I create a safe space. I bring in influential speakers to have a conversation about you being you. You are you unapologetically. Who can do you better? Tell me. I dare you to find someone.
Remember, you are not alone in the struggle. You are building something bigger, and that takes courage. Keep showing up. Keep believing in your vision. Never ever forget that you are you unapologetically. Don’t ever forget that. I want to take another moment to thank you for joining us. Thank you so much, Tonya Thomas, for being on our show. Kisses to you for sharing your heart, sharing your wisdom, and giving. Thank you for that.
To everyone tuning in, if this is an episode that resonates with you, please share it with another woman. Please share it with someone you know might need this encouragement because it’s not easy doing this. You are not alone, but it’s not easy. It’s a journey that we’re on. I always want you to keep being you unapologetically. No one can do it better. That’s it for now. Ciao. Bye.
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About Tonya Thomas
Tonya Thomas is the founder of Team Delegate, a premier provider of elite virtual executive assistant support tailored for small business owners and entrepreneurs. Team Delegate’s highly skilled executive VAs deliver comprehensive administrative services, empowering time-strapped CEOs to double their productivity and ultimately triple their earnings.
As a pioneer in the virtual assistant industry, Tonya began her journey as a solo virtual executive assistant, serving high-level clients for 18 years. She then leveraged her expertise to expand her company into an executive VA firm, leading a team of skilled assistants. Her passion lies in showing business owners how strategic delegation can significantly enhance their bottom line.
Tonya has been featured in national media outlets such as Entrepreneur and Black Enterprise. She has also spoken for Dell Women’s Entrepreneur Network (DWEN) and Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Business Forum and been a guest on various podcasts. She was included in KNOW’s 40 over 40 Class of 2024 and received the 2025 Enterprising Women of the Year Award. Tonya lives in Dallas, TX, with her husband and two sons. In her free time, she enjoys walking, reading, and watching her favorite TV shows and movies.