How can one be true to themselves in today’s society? How can you be your authentic self? Dr. Kim Grimes looks to answer these questions with the help of speaker and life coach, Billy Graham, Jr. Billy shares his insights on authenticity, being yourself, and chasing your dreams. Full of hope and inspiration, let this episode guide you to become unapologetically you!
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Overcoming The Challenges Of Self-Love, Part 5: How To Be Your Authentic Self With Billy Graham, Jr.
Falling Madly, Madly.. Did I Say Madly In Love With Who You Are!
I want you guys to know that I do not take it lightly at all for you being here. I want you to know that I appreciate you. I’m grateful and humbled that you are taking the time out to spend with us. For that, I want to make sure that I bring on guests that are going to serve and give you some value for what you may be going through or in the space you are in.
We are in our Overcoming the Challenges of Self-Love series. I have an awesome guest that is going to share with us his experience. With society’s rigid expectations, it can be hard to find your true identity. The feeling of being lost in clashing ideas, conflicting beliefs, COVID, and the flood of information can be overwhelming.
Most people dumb down or hide who they are. That is not what this show is about. We do not want you to hide. As a result of them hiding and dumbing down, it pushes them into going with the flow rather than expressing themselves authentically. There are so many opinions and ideas that can make it hard for you to find your true self.
Do not go with what everyone else is doing. It is going to lead you down a path where your creativity gets dampened because you are trying not to show your true self or who you are. We go and look for approval from everyone instead of looking for approval from ourselves within our core. When you do that, know that it is so empowering.
You are you unapologetically means being true to who you are, who you were created to be, and not allowing people’s opinions to affect how you show up in life. You have no time to be intimidated by the presence of others and to think so little of yourself. When you show up without pretense and hesitation, the world cannot dull your glamor.
Most importantly, you will be inspired to share your light, share who you are, help others share their light, and tap into their brilliance. We are talking about overcoming the challenges of self-love while/and falling madly in love with who you are. I met and was introduced to our guest. I had an opportunity to speak on his live podcast. It was exciting. It was such a wonderful time that I said to him, “You must come on my show.” Immediately, he was like, “I’m going to be there.” I would like to introduce you to our guests, but before I do, I want to give you a little brief introduction of him.
I want you to help me welcome Billy Graham Jr. He is a global speaker, a coach, and trainer. After serving twenty years in the Air Force, he focused on developing leaders and teams. Billy coaches with transparency and conviction by allowing others to see into his life. How amazing is that? Sometimes, we have to see it to believe it. He will challenge you to demand more from yourself and hold yourself to a higher standard. Please help me welcome our guest, Mr. Billy Graham Jr.
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Welcome, Billy.
Thank you for having me. That was an amazing introduction. I was sitting there like, “Who is that amazing person?”
I had the opportunity to be introduced to you, meet you, and share on your podcast. It was wonderful, like your energy. Billy is amazing. He has so much to share. This is a discussion. It is not an interview. I send questions to make sure they know what we are talking about and feel like we are caught off guard. We do not want to do that because the topic is challenging at times. I want to make sure that our guests have what they need prior to it. Before we get into our discussion, I want you to please share with our audience how we met.
I was introduced to an amazing young woman by the name of Raven Thistle. She was like, “You got to have her on the show.” I’m like, “If somebody wants to come on the show, come on. I want the world to meet everybody. We all have something we can share.” After meeting and talking to her on the show, she was like, “I have somebody you have to meet.” I’m like, “You do not have to tell me whoever the individual is. If you bring them, I want to meet them.”
It is one thing to talk about yourself. When others talk about you, that means you are doing something to change in their life. Whenever somebody says like, “You got to meet somebody,” I do have to meet them. That is an amazing individual if somebody is saying and vouching for you on your behalf. She was like, “Send her a text,” and I’m like, “That is not a problem. I can do this all day long.”
When I finally got to meet you and talk with you, your core, personality, everything about you was glowing. I loved it because so many people in the world dim their own light, so others can shine. When I saw your light shining, I was like, “I love it because she is not bending her light. She is letting it shine for the world.” Believe it or not, you are the light for somebody that is in darkness. You are the light that is helped guide them in their way. I thank you for what you do. You are amazing. I love Raven for introducing us because now you are a part of my family, and I’m a part of yours.
Thank you so much, Billy. You are so correct. It worked in reverse as well because Raven said to me, “You have to meet Billy. You have to get on his show.” I was like, “Count it done.” It was that quick instant. It was a text introduction. We never met face-to-face. We met through technology, which is still amazing.
I was excited to meet Billy as Billy was excited to meet me. I’m even more excited because I know what Billy is going to share. I do not know all the details, but because of who he is and how he shows up, you guys are in for a huge treat. With that, let’s jump into our discussion. The name of the show is called You are YOU, Unapologetically. What does it mean to you to be you unapologetically?
When others talk about you, that means you're doing something to change in their life. Share on XI love the name of the show. I want to put this little caveat on it. You mentioned the questions. To be me unapologetically is to be authentic. I received the email, but I refused to look at the questions because however they came up during our conversation, I want it to be authentic. I do not believe in, “I have read the questions. Let me memorize my answers.”
I want the readers to know that it is coming from the heart, from my experiences in life, and things that I have learned over time. To be me unapologetically is to be authentic. They even call it, “Keep it at 100.” I keep it 100 and authentic. You are going to get me as I am whether I’m in my house, public, or at your house. No matter where I’m at, I’m going to be me. It took me a lot of years to get to that point. I learned to be myself, not conform to who people wanted me to be in certain situations. I’m unapologetically authentic.
You said it took you a while. When did you first figure out who you were? What did that process look like for you? We all go through different processes. It took me a minute. I bumped my head a couple of times and figured it out. I was like, “This is sweet,” especially when I came into it. When you first figured it out, what did that process look like for you?
I was around 35 or 36 when I realized I was not being myself. Let’s start from the beginning. Many of us think we are being ourselves, but we are not. We are being who we were taught to be. I’m going to give you an example. The best way to be yourself is to be the person you were if you remember when you were 2 or 3 years old. That is when you are being yourself. Once you start getting older, what is the first thing they say? “What do you want to be when you grow up?” You are like, “I want to be a firefighter.”
Think about it. Kids say the most outrageous thing, “I want to be an Astronaut.” There is nothing wrong with these professions. They are obtainable. We name all these amazing things and as we get older, it gets chipped away. It is like, “We want you to be in finance or accounting. We want you to be a lawyer or a doctor.”
You start getting groomed a certain way. You are like, “I’m going to do that.” They go from, “What are you going to do when you graduate? What are you going to college for? What are you going to do as a career?” They start slowly sliding you through the pipeline of life to where they send you to. I will give you an example of how you know this.
When you go to college, you hear about, “Look at the different degrees.” It is Finance Management, Hotel Management, or Business Management. Everything is management. You never see a course that says Business Ownership, Accounting Ownership, or Hotel Ownership. It is always management. They are grooming you to manage somebody else’s business or dreams.
Somebody out there has a dream, and they are going to teach you how to manage that dream. If you look at the top, the 10% own 90% of the stocks, assets, land, and everything. The other 90% of us only get 10% because we are too busy managing theirs. You are pushed through a pipeline of life, and you think you are being yourself. You are truly not. I can go even deeper.
I remember I graduated and went into the military. The military was teaching me how to be a soldier for them. It was not necessarily teaching me how to be me. Years later, I was like, “Wow.” The light bulb went off. I had great mentors, family members, and loved ones. It is like something inside of you goes off. What I try to do is open that something as soon as I can within individuals so they can start being themselves unapologetically.
I get it when you say how the military taught us how to be. You are right. Thank you for your service. I meant to go into that, but I got all excited that I missed that. For me, it is why I note for you to honor the service. You were speaking about that. That was so true. Sometimes, I bring back stuff that I was taught in the military. We cannot get rid of some of it because it is ingrained in us.
I appreciate you bringing that up. Here is what I want to ask you. Share with our audience how they can be their true self when the world is constantly trying to shape them. You spoke about it. You say you are in this little pipeline into something else, but what is it that they can do to not fall into that trap of being someone else?
I wrote about this in my book. The name of the book is Gift Seeker: Living Your Purpose. You always hear people say, “Your life is a story.” That is true. The only problem is we are not acting as the main character in our own story. We are letting other people write our stories. When you let other people write your stories, they control your life.
The best way I can explain to you about writing your story goes back to when I say we are pushed through a pipeline. The things I have learned in the military, those lessons, I can use those. I’m not saying they were bad. You use them to help build and recognize who you are. When I say write your story, think about a story.
You have the 5 Ws, the Who, What, When, Where, and Why. I have used that to help individuals understand. First, you got to start with the who. We have to evaluate. Who are you as an individual? It is not who society says you should be. We get caught up. We see social media. We validate who we are based on the likes. You are like, “That post did not get likes. They do not like that.”
Do not worry about that. Who you are is who you are. When I say that, if you did not have to worry about money and social media, if you could wake up every day and do what you love to do that makes you happy, that is how we start to figure out who you are. You might want to get up every day, “I want to paint, cook, or clean.” Whatever it is that you want to do every day, that starts to not just identify who you are but also identify what your gift is.
You go from the who to the what. What drives you? What is your purpose? You connect to who you are, the gift. That gift is what you use for your purpose. Using your gift to live in your purpose is when you start to realize not only who you are, but you start to love life and get into the when, the where, and the why. The why is the biggest. It is the thing that motivates and keeps you going.
Many of us think we are being ourselves, but we're not. We're being who we were taught to be. Share on XI call it inspire because to motivate means the outside source keeps you going. For me, my why is my family. You might think of the outside source. My wife and I got married. We became one. That means our kids are part of us. They are inside. They are my internal thing. That is what inspires me. That is my why. For the other two, the when and where, you have to get the book Gift Seeker: Living Your Purpose.
I have the book as well. Thank you for that gift. One of the things that I love in what you said is the why. You start with the why. I mentioned in an earlier show about Simon Sinek, who said, “You start with why.” Your why speaks to what you are doing. It was the second episode. I wanted to share why does You are YOU, Unapologetically exist. I started with the why. You gave those 5 Ws, which is very important. In what ways do you find it challenging to be yourself? I’m not saying all good days, all bad days. Some days can be a challenge. I would like you to share in what ways do you find it challenging to be yourself?
Before we dive into that, I laugh because you said that. For those that do not know, you have to read this book that she talked about, Simon Sinek’s Start with Why. You have to understand your why because understanding your why addresses the question you asked about being yourself, “What do I find hard about being myself?”
When I was growing up, there was a saying that I have heard from different people, especially people in my life and mentors. They say, “When you are twenty, you are worried about what they say. When you are 40, you do not care what they say. When you are 60, you realize that there is no they. It was all in your head the whole time.”
I say that because I’m going to tie it a lot back and forth in social media because I want everybody to get it. On social media, you can post a picture. You will be like, “Nobody is liking that picture.” In Instagram, for example, nobody likes the picture but they have a feature on Instagram called Reels. You can upload a quick video. In that same video, you can see all the people that viewed it. You can have thousands and thousands of views and get twenty likes. You only get 20 people out of 1,000 views.
It shows you that they are watching you. They just do not have anything to say about you. When I say what I found hard about being myself, many of us do it. We were living up to what others wanted us to be. Most of you do it every day when you go to work. You are trying to live up to what your boss or your supervisor wants you to be so that you can get that next promotion, that next bonus, or that raise. You are living up to what they want you to be.
I had to look at my why. Was I being who my family needed me to be? At the end of the day, my family is not going to be, “My dad was a great man because of how he did everything. He is a supervisor.” They are not going to remember that. Half the time, your kids are not even at work or out in the world with you. They are looking at you. They say, “Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they get old, they will not depart from it.” If I’m training my kids to be the version that somebody else wants me to be, I’m teaching them to be the version that somebody else wants you to be.
Think about your kids if you have kids or loved ones. If you do not, think about when you were a kid, and they taught you to share. You are playing with a toy and having fun. Little Billy or Little Susie comes over, and they want your toy. The first thing you hear is, “You need to share.” You give the toy away. You talked to your kid, or you were taught to put somebody else’s happiness before yours. You are having fun. You are happy with this toy, and you have to give it away to make somebody else happy.
You were being taught from day one not to be yourself when instead the lessons should have been, “You are playing with the toy. Can we make some time limits of when you want to be finished with it and move on?” You move on from things in life, and then we’ll let Little Billy or Little Susie play with the toy.
We have been taught and trained to dim your light, your happiness, and who you are so that you can please somebody else. We see this so much in families, “That is your aunt, uncle, and cousin. Go hug him.” Why am I forcing you to hug him? If you do not want to go hug and kiss him, that does not mean I have to tell you to sacrifice your personal area, personal circle, or mental mind frame to please them.
We do it so often that if everybody were themselves authentically, then they would be happier. They would be themselves. Everybody would understand because we are all operating on the same frequency. That is not happening but we want to teach and reach as many people as we can to help them be who they are.
The point about, “Go hug your aunt,” when they were little kids, they recognized, but then years went by, and they did not know them. They are like, “Really?” They want to say, “I do not know him or her,” but they go over and give a hug. I also wanted to touch on when we were in our true self element. I had shared on your show that something happens where they are no longer in that space anymore.
What I shared was that a minimum of three happens, but there is so much more. I call it covering up your greatness. It covers up who you are. I tell people, “If you want to see people in their element and who they are, watch them from the age of one when they are starting to move all-around to the age of five. Some of them may get to seven before somebody says something to them.”
Here is the thing. If they say something to them that is contrary to who they are and how they are showing up, that is the first thing that they are like, “No way.” They got that going on. They say it to themselves. They turn around and believe it. By the time they are tweens, around 11 to 12, and become teenagers at 13, they have been taught how to live lives for someone else or do what someone else is asking them to do.
We are not saying, “Do not listen to your parents.” We are saying be mindful that you are your own individual. There are some things that you like to do even at a young age that you are going to do. Because of the way our society or people in our lives show up, we tend to shift and go in that direction. You mentioned their boss or friends, but I also want to put out their parents as well.
We look for our parents’ approval. Some of us are still seeking our parents’ approval. They are no longer in their teens anymore, young adults or older adults. They are not saying that their approval is not important. Parents will always have an influence on us, but when their approval causes you to get stuck, I would like you to share and speak about how it impacts you when you find yourself stuck.
When you are using your gift to live in your purpose, that's when you start to realize not only who you are, but you start to love life. Share on XThis is the thing I do to help even myself when you find yourself stuck. I love my parents. I do not fault them for how I was raised. The times that I was being raised, they did the best that they could do during that timeframe. We are in a different timeframe. Generations change. We turn new pages, turn new chapters, and go into a different era.
The lessons they taught me do not necessarily all apply to our lives now. It is the same thing that I’m teaching my kids. I cannot raise my kids according to how I was raised because this is a different time. For example, back when I was growing up, to hear somebody say they made six figures, you were like, “Six figures, you are rich.”
I cannot talk to my kids on that level because they see people making millions. Whether or not they are all making millions, social media will lie to you. Six figures are more of a norm than it was when I was growing up. As parents, and I’m talking to people out there that might be holding on to certain things that they went through with their parents or being parents themselves, you have to be cognizant of what you say and do.
You might be one of those individuals holding on to some things that your parents said. The best analogy I can give to you is to think about when you are growing up and your parents are teaching you how to cross the street. First, they hold your hand. They got to keep you safe. They do not want you to get hit by cars, trip, or fall. They want you to get to the other side of the street safe.
As years go on, they start teaching you how to cross the street without holding your hand. They start like, “There is a car coming.” You look left and right, “There is no car coming. We can cross the street.” They stand on the curb and let you cross the street by yourself. It gets to the point where they are no longer around. You already know how to cross the street by yourself without your parents. You are going out into the world.
You have to use that same thing when you look at life. We want to live up to the standards that our parents set for us, but it was a point in your life. The timeframe is different from everybody where they let your hand go, and they trusted you to go out into life. They trusted you to make those decisions that the things they instilled in you would help you prosper in life.
Do not go around and look and seek their approval because they let your hand go. They want you to go out there and be prosperous. Do the things that you love to do. Do what they know you are capable of. Last time I checked, you do not let somebody do something when you do not trust them to do the right thing. Your parents trust you to do the right thing. The same thing goes if you have kids. You have to trust them to do the right thing.
I heard a mother and a son talking. The son made a mess. He was older. He was in his late twenties. He was like, “Mom, I messed it up again.” The mom was like, “What are you talking about?” He was like, “You used to always say I was messy growing up.” She was like, “I probably said that to you 2 or 3 times in your entire life.”
He was like, “You said it all the time.” It clicked. You said it that one time, and it was in his head. Whenever he was growing up and did something that was messy, regardless if you were there or not, he heard you saying it in his head. He said it so much to himself that as he grew up, all he thought was you were always saying it to him, even though she only said it probably once or twice.
That is why you have to be cognizant of your words and things that go in that you allow into your mind. For example, if you always allow negativity in your mind, regardless if somebody is saying it or not, you are always going to find a negative because you allowed it in there. If you find a positive, everything you see will be positive. Your parents want you to be great.
Think hard. If you have something that has you thrown off in life and got it in your head, we have to rewire your thinking the same way we have to rewire all the other senses that caused you to live the life that others want you to live versus being who you are supposed to be. It is all about rewiring your thinking and doing what is best for you so that you do not look like me. You do not figure out what you are supposed to be or who you want to be when you grow up until you are in your 30s.
That is okay as long as we get there. I was telling someone, “It is never too late. We have to do the self-work.” That is what you are saying. How has learning to fall madly in love and accept yourself for who you are made your life better?
My life is amazing. For the simple fact, I call control. I am in control of my life. You have to realize that you cannot control situations. You cannot control people. You cannot control what nobody says or does. We get so wrapped up in letting others control us that we get angry or sad. When you lose control of yourself, you give your control over somebody else. Say somebody makes you angry, you are getting anger in, and you are back into your feelings, and they have control over your feelings.
When you have somebody else take control of your feelings, it tends to hijack your lot. You are not thinking correctly because you have given your control to somebody else. Once I learned who I was and started operating who I was according to the purpose that God has me here for, I gained back my control, and I did not give it away to others. When you give that control away, you are letting somebody else control your life. I got my control back. My life is amazing. I’m able to do and see things clearly.
Do not get me wrong. I enjoy social media. I enjoy things that happen in the world. I look at them as a form of entertainment, and that is all it is. Once I realized it is entertainment, I did not let the entertainment brainwash me into thinking I had to keep it over the Joneses. I do not have to keep up with them. I keep up with myself. I have my own values. My family is doing great and I love it. It all came back down to getting back the control. In order to be who you are supposed to be, you have of your life because somebody else might have control of it.
Control is important. That is a key element in uncovering your greatness and finding your true identity, so you can be who God created you to be. I would love for you to share with our audience how they can reach and connect with you because that is important. I also would love for you to give some closing remarks. In that sense, please give some advice.
You can't raise your kids according to how you were raised, because this is a different time. Share on XLeave them with something that they can walk away with like you are eating a sandwich which is so good. After you finish it, you can still taste it in your mouth. You are still chewing as if you still have the food in your mouth or that juicy peach running there. I would like you to share and give them something that they will have to pontificate in after the show is over. Please share how anyone reading can reach out to you. How can they connect with you? I’m quite sure you impacted them.
To connect with me on social media, it is @BillyGrahamJr365. You can catch me on all platforms, Instagram, Facebook, even TikTok. You are not going to catch me dancing, but I believe that you have to go to where people are to reach them. We have this thing growing up where we try to get the younger generation to come to where we are at.
The way I view it is, I know what it is like to be 15, 20, 25, 30, and 40. I do not know what it is like to be 50 or 60. I cannot look up and be like, “I’m going to go do what they do,” when I do not know. The younger generation doesn’t know what it is like to be 40. They are not here yet. I have to go down to where they are at, teach them, show them, meet them on their level and help them get there.
You can also reach me through my website, which is also BillyGrahamJr365. You probably wonder, “Why 365?” I’m authentic 24/7 365. It doesn’t matter what you do. 365 can be your number. I do not care. It is my number as well. Year-round, I’m going to be authentic. That is how you can get into contact with me. If I can leave you with something, I do have something. When it comes to being yourself, be authentic. It was me. It can be you as well. It is understanding that you are not a carbon copy. You are not a duplicate. There is only one you. With that understanding of knowing that there is only one you, we cannot let society put you in a box.
Most of us are in a box majority of our life. It is impossible to be in a box. How can they conform you into one box when there is only one you? How do you fit these same dynamics to the person next to you? They tell you to think outside of the box. I want you to understand that there is no box. It is just you. You are not a carbon copy.
You create your own life. Remember, you are writing your own life story. Your life story does not end until the pen leaves the paper. You are in control of that pen. I call it bankrupting the cemetery. The cemetery is full of all these wonderful ideas, unwritten books, and innovative ideas. Do not take your gifts and what you are to the cemetery with you. The time is going to come. We all will be called home.
You need to be empty when you leave. I believe in being empty when I leave because I cannot take this with me. I want to leave it for the next generation behind me. Be yourself. Do what you have to do for your life. Whatever your why is, follow it. Let it inspire you to be who you are. That gift that you inside of you, leave it for the world. That is why it is a gift. It is meant to be given away. It has not been for you to keep it to yourself. Be who you are. Let the world see your light shine. Do not dim your light for anybody else. Let your light shine bright for the world and be you unapologetically.
Billy, thank you so much. I truly appreciate that you are here and the nuggets, values, and what you share. We are honored and humbled by your presence. Thank you for coming and saying yes to being on my show and sharing with our audience all of the juicy things that you shared. I’m trying to wipe the juiciness off of my face. Billy shared his information. Please reach out. You can reach out to him directly or reach out to me, and I will do the introduction. It is that simple. Thank you again, Billy. It is good to have you here.
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As we close this session, it is very easy to lose yourself in the challenging and clashing ideas, the conflicts, the belief, and then we have the pandemic. We have COVID-19. We know this is our society’s rigid expectations that they put on us and endless opinions, self-expression, and self-appreciation. It becomes challenging and daunting, to say the least, where most of the time you find yourself pushing, dumbing down, hiding, running away from life, or better yet, going with the flow. You are just there.
This show is about putting an end to this disparaging mindset and helping you begin to own your authentic self and be who you were created to be. This is why we are here. This is why the show exists. We create this safe space so that you can come, read, influence you, have conversations, and meet our guests who have walked your shoes or in your shoes.
This is all about you being you because you are you unapologetically. Every time you show up, I’m going to encourage you to be you unapologetically. There is no one who is better at being you than you. Be you unapologetically because that is what it is all about. Thank you so very much for reading. I cannot wait for you to join us on the next episode so that we can pour into you. Thank you. I am so grateful and humbled. On that note, I’m going to bid farewell. Enjoy.
Important Links
- Billy Graham Jr
- Gift Seeker: Living Your Purpose
- Viral Stresses: The Effects of Covid 19 Discrimination on Children – Past Episode
- Start with Why
- @BillyGrahamJr365 – Instagram
- Facebook – Billy Graham Jr
- TikTok – Billy Graham Jr
- Billy@CommittedDevelopment.com
About Billy Graham, Jr.
Billy Graham, Jr. is a global speaker, coach, trainer. After serving 20 years in the military, he is now focused on developing leaders and teams. Billy coaches with transparency and conviction by allowing others to see into his life. He will challenge you to demand more from yourself and to hold yourself to a higher standard.