Moving Beyond Excuses That Hold You Back Part 2: Own Your Difference With D’mon Reynolds

 

The easiest person to deceive is the one in the mirror. We give ourselves reasons that are just masqueraded excuses that limit us from doing the things we need to do. In this episode with Dr. Kim Grimes is D’mon Reynolds, a freelance on-air talent and currently a news reporter at WFXRtv. D’mon lives a life dedicated to Christ, and he shares how his relationship with God necessitates being his most authentic self. They also talk about Dr. Grimes’ Path to Greatness which helped him live authentically without compromising anything about what God has called him to be. D’mon also shares the importance of mentorship and sitting with yourself to find and own your purpose. Listen in to hear all about it.

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Moving Beyond Excuses That Hold You Back Part 2: Own Your Difference With D’mon Reynolds

Our discussion is going to be moving beyond excuses that hold you back. Let’s talk about how easy it is to deceive the person in the mirror. Let’s have that conversation because deceiving ourselves is another way of us saying that we are lying to ourselves. You are good at catching other people in lies, knowing when someone else is lying to you but the question is, “Are you good at catching yourself and keeping yourself from deceiving yourself?”

I believe that it’s harder for us because we don’t recognize it as a lie or we won’t say that it’s a lie. We say that it’s a reason. Instead of us calling it a lie, we say, “The reason why we won’t do this or the reason why I’m not doing that.” What we do is we dignify the lie but lying to ourselves by calling it a reason. That’s my take on it and that we dignify it.

We come up with a thousand reasons, “Why we are not going to do this? Why we are going to do this? Why I’m not going to go to school? Why am I going to take the job?” We won’t encourage ourselves to face it. Instead, we come up with reasons why we won’t encourage ourselves. We come up with reasons on why we won’t love ourselves and reasons on what we tell ourselves about our worth. We come up with reasons behind why we say what we say about our values. We find dignified reasons to stay stuck instead of being open and honest with ourselves.

A reason is a masquerade excuse. Excuses are limiting beliefs because you will come up with an excuse that will limit you from doing the things that you need to do, going to the places that you need to go, and interacting with the people that you need to interact with. Instead of saying that you are lying to yourself, what you do instead is you come up with reasons. You may say, “I can’t go because I’m not feeling well or my back hurts.” Not taking anything away from your physical element, I respect that but some of us don’t. We use it as excuses.

Excuses keep you from having to face the truth about yourself. It is so easy to find a reason or an excuse instead of telling ourselves the truth. The excuses that you had in your life are keeping you from moving forward. What are those excuses that are keeping you from being who you were created to be, going to school, career or living your dreams? What are these excuses that are keeping you stuck in toxic relationships? As I said, it is easy for us to spit out these excuses and attempt to save face, shift the blame, and even make ourselves feel better. Let’s talk about these reasons, masquerade excuses, and these limiting beliefs.

The discussion we are going to have is to share about these excuses, how they have hindered us, and what we are doing to move forward beyond these excuses and to stop allowing these excuses to hold us back. I have a phenomenal guest with me. I am so excited. All the guests that I bring on, I may know or have just met them but this individual, this particular person, I met him through someone. I’m meeting people through other people introducing me.

This individual, I met him through a lovely young lady and had the opportunity to work with him on a couple of occasions. I’m so excited that he said yes to be on the show. Let me share a little bit about him because I want you to know who my guess is based on what I’m sharing. Also, allow him to get comfortable with being on the show.

Our guest’s name is D’mon Reynolds. He was born and raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. That’s what we have in common, not the city but the state because I’m from Pennsylvania but Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He graduated from Penn State University back in 2017, and he has his Bachelor’s degree in Broadcast Journalism and had a minor in African American Studies.

He is now a news reporter. I know that was one of his dreams. For him to be in that spot, it’s so exciting for him. He strives to live a life dedicated to Jesus Christ. I call it a Jesus Follower. He sees himself as an ambassador allowing God to constantly make his appeal through him. Please help me to welcome my guest, my friend, D’mon Reynolds.

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Welcome, D’mon.

Thank you so much.

I want our audience to be able to connect with what we are talking about. I want to have those conversations that are not being had at the dinner table or when you are sitting around chilling. Not only that, I want to bring people on so that they can share what they are dealing with because we all are unique individuals and do things differently and uniquely. One of the things that I want to make sure we do is that we meet everyone where they are.

There are people who are starting off in their careers, starting off with school or finishing their career that is reading. We want to make sure we give everybody a little bit of something here on this show. Thank you again for saying yes. I’m excited even though I don’t know what you are going to share but I’m excited for you to be here. Let’s jump into the discussion but before we take a deep dive, I would love for you to share with the audience, how we met and how we become acquainted with one another.

Every time we talk, I always go back to that moment. Dr. Kim, I appreciate you doing this. I don’t think people realize the power and the magnitude of you even having a show. I’m in a group called Young Life. I was involved with this ministry in Richmond, Virginia, where I’ve got an opportunity to go to meetings, with this guy named Teek, who ministers to kids in high school. I wasn’t a part of the team but he invited me to do a leadership conference they were having one weekend.

Dr. Kim was there. I was coming in and expecting to be blown away already with the presence of God but we get there, and my whole day was flipped upside down. I’m sitting there, and she walks into the room. She starts this training, and one of the first exercises she had us do was sit with somebody in a room. You put us with random people, and we had to sit face to face and be present.

I will never forget the amount of however one walks into the room with the excitement and the way that you show up, I commend it. That day, when you had us doing those exercises, I was so impacted by sitting across from someone and ultimately being me, vulnerable, real and authentic. After I met you, your God-given personality, and all of the above, ever since then, I have sought you for wise counsel. I have been involved with some other projects with you. I’m so thankful to have met you. That was our first meeting with Dr. Kim at the leadership conference at Young Life.

Every single day is a constant decision. Take faith leaps and don’t be afraid. Click To Tweet

It was a wonderful weekend as you said. I went in, and they did not know what to expect. With the leadership conference, we were teaching emotional literacy, and it is not something that you can teach. It’s something that you put people in the experience, and that’s what I did. I put them in an experience, and then it was after the session, we finished at all. I was headed to my car, and you came up and gave me some accolades.

You said, “I want to keep in contact,” and that’s what we did and have been doing. He is one of my mentees. A fine gentleman that I am so fond of as well. With that, I’m happy that I did get an opportunity to meet him and have an impact on his life. When we met, you were married then, correct?

Yes, I was.

I had the opportunity to meet his wife, De’Kia, who is beautiful as she wants to be. I want to give her a shout-out because she got her Doctorate degree. On that note, let’s jump into this conversation that we are going to have. I want you to share with our audience, what does it mean to you to be you unapologetically?

It’s a question that I have sat with a lot since we met. It’s a weighted question. I would say it’s a continual journey every single day showing up. To provide a little context, I am in news. I work in media. I worked in TV where a lot of people almost put on a persona. You feel like you have to be a certain way because of the expectations and the characteristics that they put on somebody who’s in front of a camera. I come into that space conflicted because now I’m not only this man who follows Jesus wholeheartedly, I come into this space wanting to be me, and this is a profession that sometimes might not encourage it. They want you to put on this facade.

Every single day, it’s a constant decision. A relationship that I have with God wouldn’t be what it is if I wasn’t authentic. I come with all my quirks, sense of humor, anything that makes me, and it comes with a price. It brings awkwardness. There are some things that I find funny that some others don’t. There are some things that I see differently or perspectives I had at times in my life that have ruined certain relationships because I held on to being who I completely was.

Being me means I hold onto my values no matter who it affects, as long as I’m standing right with God in those situations. I hold onto my values, my characteristics, and the decisions I make. All of those things that make me, I have to do it, and it can’t compromise anything about who God has called me to be. That’s what it means to be you, even when it’s hard. People won’t encourage it.

 

If you have friends, those close relationships might be altered but at the end of the day, if something doesn’t sit right in your spirit and it goes against who you are completely in the values that you had, that’s the opposite of being you. You have to walk in and own yourself, what you believe, what you think, perspectives, quirks, and craziness that you had, and that’s ultimately what makes you.

Thank you so much for that because it is about being you. I was talking to someone and was telling them about the show, and they were nervous. They were like, “I don’t know. You may have to hold my hand.” I was like, “No.” Here is the simple thing. All I’m asking you to do is come and be you. I said, “I know that doesn’t take practice. That does not require much. Nobody can be better at that. Show up being you.” They were like, “It’s that simple?” I said, “It doesn’t require a whole lot.”

One of the things that I said when I opened this up is that, “The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror.” I speak to that about myself as well because one of the things that I find myself doing and I’m much better than what I used to be, I would have a conversation with myself. I would tell myself the things that I would do for me but then when I don’t feel like it or the slightest thing comes up, I will find an excuse, so I don’t have to do it.

It’s easier for somebody to hold me accountable, and I know that somebody holds me accountable than it is for me to hold myself accountable. That’s why I said, “The easiest person for you to deceive is the person in the mirror.” With that, I want to ask you, what are some of your limiting beliefs, excuses or reasons that keep you stuck?

Remember I said, “A reason is a masquerade excuse.” If you say, “The reason why I didn’t do this is,” and then do, because in there, at the end of the day, it’s still an excuse. Also, an excuse is a limiting belief. That’s why I’m saying, what are some of your limiting beliefs, excuses, and reasonings? We masquerade it that keeps you stuck. I want you to share, what did that process look like for you when you were stuck?

There was a period of my life, and I have shared this with you that I had dreams of doing television, that there was that in-between space where I was uncertain. A lot of it was because I was still trying to figure out and, even now, who I was, what I wanted and desired out of life. In that stuck space, I limited myself by possibly not taking certain opportunities. I didn’t engage with stuff out of pain. It took away my confidence in the sense of not knowing who I was.

To paint the picture of what it looked like, I was working as an educational teacher and tutoring at the time. They are two different careers now but at that time in my life, I was trying to figure out who I was. Working with kids is the best way to figure that out. They will bring it out. They can see if you are doing anything but as I connected with them, it allowed me to be more of myself. The questions they would ask, conversations, and the vulnerability, I learned more from them than they learned from me at times.

One of the most important things you can do is get in tune with yourself. Click To Tweet

Even now, at the space that I’m in, I’m still figuring it out. It’s not perfect. The limiting beliefs I have in my profession at times are, “Am I capable?” I’m in front of this camera and however many people. “Am I enough?” Growing up without a father for me contributes to that belief as well. My dad wasn’t in my life. There are times when I have questioned the biggest one, “Am I enough for what I do? Am I enough as a husband or news reporter?” That’s something that, at times, has been limiting for me. I have had different spaces that have helped me work through it.

With that, you said you had some things that help you work through it. Share with our audience what was it that you did to work through it? These things come up, and you have to face them. Share with them some of the things that you did to help you get through it.

Time is a big one. I have encountered some people like you and mentors, which is great. Having wise counsel around you, the people who can speak life, know and learn you, who might tell you some things that you want to hear and that you don’t want to hear. My wife has been a tremendous part of that. When I’m asking this question, “Am I enough?” I have to get up every single day with somebody who’s very confident and was born into her profession. She’s a doctor. She’s constantly speaking to me about, “You need to do this. You are more than enough for this.” That’s helped but the work has come when I have encountered certain opportunities.

Now that I’ve gotten this advice going into overall projects that I have been to like radio, TV and, I was taking faith leaps. I said, “God, I’m going to trust you. I’m trusting the gifts you put inside of me, and I’m going to go take advantage of doing certain things.” That has been a way that I have grown more into confidence in my gift. I realized, “I can do this. I can speak but I do bring something to the table. I do offer something in this room.”

The response from people helps but it is doing and seeing the one on the other side. I’m okay. I didn’t explode. I didn’t fall down. I wasn’t nervous. I didn’t cry. That’s how I know. Taking faith leaps and not being afraid. Even when I’m afraid, I take faith steps. It might look bad. I might have a bunch of anxiety. I might ask a bunch of questions but I would end up doing it anyway.

I would like for you to share what you said was about how you were able to have people around you, looking at your gifts and talents, and it made me think of the Path to Greatness exercise. I know working with me, you can’t escape it because that’s what I do. That’s the litmus test to work with me. Share with our audience how the Path to Greatness had an impact on you, and what did you take away from that exercise?

The first time you gave me that activity, I was still hovered into trying to figure out what was next. I’m asking myself those questions, “What do you like about yourself? What do you love about yourself?” Doing that for days straight, the part where I couldn’t answer it after a certain amount of time, taught me even more than when I could. It made me realize that I needed to begin to look at myself more, and it goes back to that question, “Am I enough?” These questions are making you tell yourself, “I’m enough,” but I need you to get in connection with that in yourself.

 

It was only when I took the time or in the mornings I would have to get up and do it in devotion and write it down in my journal. “What do you like or love about yourself?” I might say my bald head or my smile. In the very things that at times I thought were a hindrance, I did love about me. I love the fact that I do have a big heart. At times, it felt like that could be taken advantage of. It was like, “That’s a good thing. You care for people, and you loved.” The Path to Greatness has been a big part and our conversations about it in general and helping me discover, be more confident, and walk into the man that God has called me to be.

I knew that you completed it multiple times, and I wanted to ask you to share the impact of that. We do have it on the website. For those who are reading and want to learn more about it, go ahead and download it. It’s there for you to use, and feel free to reach back and let us know how it impacted you as well. Let’s talk about what are some of the challenges or what can you say would be the biggest challenge that you face when it comes to being honest to yourself or honest with yourself?

We are still talking about excuses. That’s why I’m talking about what excuse do you tell yourself when you know that you need to do something and you are not doing it. What excuses and what is that biggest challenge that comes into play in you being honest with yourself to say, “I can no longer do this. I need to man up. I need to stop what I’m doing and go do what that I said I’m doing and stop with the excuses.”

Challenge-wise, we can be a detriment at times. Procrastination for a lot of people seems so simple. I say that because as much now, I do a profession where I cannot procrastinate. I still do at times, and I have in the past a lot more. I’ve gotten a little bit better now but procrastination is linked to an identity crisis in a way. For me, the challenge was I had a hard time believing that in myself that it would lead to greater results or if I was capable of continuously doing this action to get to a greater result. That’s the part of habit changes.

I read this book, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and he talks about having identity-based habits. If they are not wrapped in your identity, then they won’t necessarily change. For me, the challenge was identifying. Going to the gym is something that I believe contributes to my health. It’s a part of who I am. I love fitness, so why not do it? When I would procrastinate, the challenge was, “D’mon, you don’t need the workout this day. This won’t help you long-term. You are not going to have a six-pack.” These are examples but procrastination and those types of habits can be linked to identity crisis.

For me, the challenge was getting over the hump and knowing, “You are more capable than what you are putting out and doing on a daily basis. You are more capable than you have shown yourself in the past, so why are you allowing this to get in your way now?” The challenge for me was identifying that a lot of my habits and the things that I do are connected to my identity, and I have to realize that and how I show up.”

That’s important. Showing up and being who you were created to be but first, we have to do the work to identify that. The exercise I gave you, the Path to Greatness, uncovered your greatness, and in that, I said, “In uncovering your greatness, you will find your true identity, and you will be who God created you to be.” That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Let me ask you this. Can you share with our audience how can they be true to themselves when they are in a world where they are constantly being told who they are and who they are not?

If we’re not being our authentic selves, then there can be no transformation. Click To Tweet

What can you share with them when they are hearing this, and how can they not create the reasons that they are creating to do or not do something? We know the world that we live in. People are going to say who we are and who we are not. What advice can you share so that they too can implement some of the things that you have done?

A couple of things, and this comes from something you recommended to me. I have been reading it a lot. It’s the book Atomic Habits. One of the most practical tools that starts at the beginning of the book and sets it up is the idea of quiet time. Before we go out into the world, we have a million different ideas. We have a bunch of people talking to us. One of the most important things you can do is to get in tune with yourself. I tend to have quiet time a lot. I journal and read. I take walks. I do things that allow me to have that self-time to understand who I am and how to be true to myself.

I write down each day in my journal. You can look in there and see what my values are because I’m always writing to myself. That’s one of the tips I say for people to do. I journal about the things that I’m feeling fearful about, things that made me happy, and things that I’m asking God for and I’m praying for. There’s the good and the bad in those spaces but only God and yourself know that, and then you go out into the world.

Journaling is key. It’s tough. Sometimes you’ve got to get in certain spaces and have certain conversations. You take inventory of your relationships and the things you would like to do. For me, I knew I wanted to be a journalist and be married. All those different things came because they were values that I learned about myself. I took inventory of that stuff.

Some friends I have wanted to be single for a long time. That was a conversation. I was like, “We don’t align necessarily. That’s not who I am, what I think, and my actions don’t show that.” I have to transfer those relationships. I also think when it came to my career and my purpose, I tried so many different things. Sometimes it’s a faith step. It won’t be easy but you have to try things.

I tried working at a marketing firm, teaching, doing all these other things, and kept running into brick walls. I stepped back and said, “This is not who I’m created to be.” Sometimes it’s trying. It’s getting over that hump and doing things that get you out of here. Those are my two big things. Having quiet time, sitting with yourself, taking an inventory of the things around you but also not being afraid to try out certain opportunities to have conversations and be vulnerable. That’s the biggest thing.

People can help. You have helped me. I have had friendships and mentors that helped me. I have heard this quote from TD Jakes before, and I will never forget it. He says, “Mentorship is about being new.” Meaning whoever is mentoring me, I have to open myself completely up to allow them to get into my space that will change me. That’s how I have grown more comfortable being true to myself. I hope those tips be helpful.

 

It may sound like it’s easy but it isn’t. Even when we talked about Path to Greatness, that was simple but it wasn’t an easy thing. It took you to get beyond that excuse. I call it the excuse, the reason on why and it took you to get beyond it the first time you were able to see that you were able to get beyond it again. Share with us as we wrap up this conversation, how have you learned about yourself and being true to yourself, which then ultimately helped you to accept who you are to help make your life better?

When I was in grade school, I don’t like to say this but for lack of a better word, you have people in different categories. You would call people nerds, what we now know are specially gifted people, and they are popular. For me in school, I noticed there were times when I tried to fit in. In my eighth-grade year, I remember I’ve got held back all because I was trying to fit in. I was around people who I wanted to be like. I was like, “If I didn’t do this, I wasn’t in with this crowd, I wouldn’t have relationships and good friendships. I wouldn’t be popular.”

Fast forward, I have grown comfortable over time. These conversations that we are having helped me to make better decisions. My life has become better because I don’t get into as much trouble. I know what’s not to run into. I know what opportunities I might not need to take as a result of knowing who I am and what God has called me to do. It has helped me take less pressure. I can be comfortable with who I want to be. I believe in God, and that’s how my life is, and everything else stems from that. That’s in my marriage, friendships, and my career.

I keep bringing it up as a career because that’s the tension space for a lot of people now. It’s choosing your vocation, what you want to do, and your purpose. That’s helped me now discern like, “I might not want to take this. I might not want to do this story. I might not want to have this conversation.” It has taken a lot of the pressure off. I feel like I need to be something other than myself. That’s pretty much my journey. I’m still in a learning process. I don’t say this from a place of perfection. I always want to tell people that I’m learning every single day. It doesn’t stop, and it’s not easy.

At this point in life, if you take me now and you asked me then at 22 when I graduated college, the difference has been me growing into the fact that I can be unapologetically me, as you would say. I know that because of my faith, God is going to get me where I need to go in front of who I need to be in front of, next to who I need to be to, all because I’m being me. That’s the way this thing has to work. If we are not being our authentic selves, then there can be no transformation. There can be none of the things we expect out of life. We can’t live that way.

One of the things that I like to add as well is that when we are ourselves, and we are being who we were created to be, the people around us are blessed by our gifts and talents because it becomes like breathing. We give, do and serve in all of that. It is important and critical that we get to a space and a place in our lives where we can be ourselves and not feel like we owe anyone, and I mean no one, an apology for me being me. I also like to say is that when you show up fake and phony, start apologizing. D’mon, if someone wants to get in contact with you, please share that information.

You can find me on Facebook, it’s @D’monReynolds. I also have Instagram. I use Facebook most of the time. If you want, on my Facebook, you might see a website to the news station and things like that. You can look it up. Facebook is the main way now.

Owning your difference and knowing that your difference is your destiny is how you’ll find your purpose. Click To Tweet

Do you have any final words and advice that you would like to share?

Dr. Kim, thank you for creating space. This is going to be something that’s going to be very powerful as you continue to bring different people on and provide the space to talk about these things. Our age struggles with being themselves but what’s under attack now is the judgment that comes from being you. We live in an age now where everybody wants you to be in their box and have their decisions and agree with what they say and what they want you to agree with. Owning your difference, and then knowing that your difference is your destiny, that to me, how you will find your purpose.

What makes you different, at times what might feel like it caused something to be completely you are the thing that we will get you to the most peace and that God-oriented space in your life. That’s something that I tried to answer the earlier question as well. I would tell people, to own their difference and what makes you, you sometimes need to be sharpened. We’ve got to go through some things. God takes us through journeys. Own your difference unapologetically because it is your destiny. It will eventually be the key that unlocks anything else that can set you up for wherever it is that you are supposed to be.

Thank you so much, D’mon, for saying yes for being here. I know you are coming back because we are not done. We are going to keep doing this. We are not going anywhere. We are just kicking this off. I would love for you to come back. We have a sliver of topics that we are going to be discussing. For now, thank you so much for sharing. We truly appreciate it. For that, hugs and kisses, give my love to the missus as well. We will catch you next time.

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We know that it is easy to lose yourself in these clashing ideas, conflict, belief, COVID-19, the pandemic, and the flood of information that we get every day. With society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions, self-expression and self-appreciation can feel like a challenge. For some people, it is. Most of the time, it pushes us. It pushes me to hide, dumb down and go with the flow. That’s not what we want to do.

This show is here to put an end to this dispiriting mindset and begin your own authentic self. Here in this same space, we want to initiate such conversations about you being you because here’s what I know and standing for. No matter what anyone else says, I know this, that you are you unapologetically. I also know that because you are you unapologetically, there’s no one better at being you than you. Thank you so much for being here with us. As I said, we honor your time supporting us and reading this.

Our prayer is that you leave a comment and let us know how this show is helping you. We will be so grateful. Again, if you need to reach D’mon, he gave you the information but I also have his information as well. The last thing I want to say is to be sure to sign up for the Path to Greatness. Go ahead and download that. I challenge everyone to do that exercise, reach back to me and let me know how that exercise has supported you. Join us again next time as we continue to discuss and explore, moving beyond excuses that hold you back. Thanks, and have a great day.

 

Important Links

• D’mon Reynolds – LinkedIn
• Young Life
• Path to Greatness
• Atomic Habits
• @D’monReynolds – Facebook
• Instagram – D’mon Reynolds

 

About D’mon Reynolds

D’mon Reynolds was born and raised in Pittsburgh, PA.

He graduated from Penn State University in 2017 with a degree in broadcast journalism and a minor in African-American studies.

Currently, D’mon is a news reporter. D’mon strives to live a life dedicated to Jesus Christ and sees himself as an ambassador allowing God to constantly make his appeal through him.