In the post-COVID era, we are witnessing so much dishonesty, untruthfulness, increased violence, and more. The more difficult the times become, the more we learn to appreciate the importance of personal integrity. Dr. Kim Grimes unpacks this topic in this episode with self-made millionaire and serial entrepreneur Susie Carder. We are quick to excuse our personal lack of integrity, but we are not quick to excuse the breach of integrity in others, especially our loved ones, our friends, and our leaders. What is integrity? Do you have it? If not, what’s guiding you, your integrity or your appetite? Join in for an engaging discussion that captures one of the deepest human dilemmas of the times.
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Your Integrity Or Your Appetite: How To Know If You’re Guided By Your Personal Integrity With Susie Carder
Thank you so much for all the love, the comments, and everything that you guys shared. It has truly blessed me. I want to say thank you for supporting us and then the guests that we have had. They all have been phenomenal, but I got one for you guys in this episode. Let me go into what we are talking about. In the post-COVID era, I am witnessing so much dishonesty, untruthfulness, an increase in violence, and more.
I am quite sure you are witnessing it as well, and because of all this, I want to discuss personal integrity. That is what we are talking about. You may be familiar with the phrase structural integrity because when you look it up, you will see that it is a building science phrase. The technical definition of structural integrity is the ability of a structure to withstand its intended load without failing due to fracture or fatigue.
Unfortunately, we have seen this in Miami. Remember what happens when a structure is cracked, fatigued, and not able to bear the load? This series we are about to step into is not about structural integrity. Instead, we are going to discuss personal integrity. We are quick to excuse our personal lack of integrity, but we are not quick to excuse the breach of integrity and others, especially our loved ones, our friends, and our leaders.
What is integrity? Do you have it? If not, here is the question, “What is guiding you?” Is it your integrity or your appetite? That is what this series is about. Let me talk about integrity a little bit so you all can stay on the same path with me. Integrity is the resolve and the courage to do the right thing, the noble thing, and the will because it is the right and noble thing to do, regardless of the consequences. Integrity is universal. It is inescapable expectations that assume and ought to be.
Proverbs 11:3, I pulled this out of the new American Standard Bible. This version says the integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them. We know we ought to do right when we do not. What we do will eventually destroy us, just like structural integrity, the failure of your personal integrity will impact other people around you, especially those close to you. Even more so, it impacts those who are the closest to you, who you love, and who love you back. Does your integrity guide you? That is the question. Do not answer yet. Here is the challenge.
We do not know if integrity guides us until maintaining our integrity costs us. It is okay to make mistakes and fail, but it is not okay to cover it up and act as if it did not happen. Your integrity is more important than your infallibility, but respect from others is contingent on your integrity, not your failures or mistakes. The crookedness of the lack of your integrity will destroy you and the people around you. What guides you? The lack of integrity is personal, but it is not private because it impacts the people around you.
Why is maintaining integrity so hard? It is because of your appetites. Our appetites pose a constant threat to our integrity. We have to say no to our appetite to satisfy integrity or say no to integrity to satisfy our appetite. Our appetites compete with our integrity. Think about it. We will be forced to satisfy one. Say yes to one and say no to the other. We cannot have it both ways.
Before I jump deeper into this topic, please allow me to introduce you to my magnificent guest. I love this woman dearly. She has been a friend to no end. She is the ride or die. I get that from her. She is someone who has touched my life in such a special way that contributes to who I am now. That is huge. Let me tell you who she is. You will never guess behind my guest’s multimillion-dollar success, best-selling author title, and fire engine red lipstick that she grew up with a very different set of numbers, 9 siblings, a 3-bedroom home, and a poverty-stricken neighborhood. This is who you are about to meet, a self-made millionaire.
Susie Carder is truly a self-made millionaire, a disciple of Michael Gerber, and a long-time student. She started with one salon and a health spa and built it into one of the most successful businesses in the country. She then found and sold three profitable companies. The last of which sold for eight figures. Susie soon became passionate about helping other business owners achieve what came naturally to her, growth and sustainability. She is an entrepreneur. She was born to be one. Susie’s track record helps companies, big or small, develop and implement strategic business plans that result in drastic growth.
Her business structures have not only helped clients overcome turbulence and uncertainty. It helped them to create multimillion-dollar businesses. Susie has gotten hundreds of companies to develop personal operation systems in finance, sales, and marketing. Her team-building structure provides accountability for sustainable success, just as it did in her own business years before.
An intentional speaker, Susie’s presence packs a punch. Her spitfire personality, sharp wit, and heartwarming stories are beautifully woven in with her decades of business knowledge to educate and compel audiences towards financial freedom. Susie is a consultant, profit coach, speaker, trainer, consulting 5 to 7-figure businesses all across the country and coaching top leaders in the industry. Please help me to welcome my mentor, my friend, my coach, my ride or die, my Susie Carder.
Dr. Kim, thank you for having me, but more importantly, thank you for who you always are. When I think of the word integrity, I think of Kim Grimes. Thank you for the work you are doing in the world, for always being a role model and example of what love, commitment, and integrity looks like.
I appreciate it. Before we got on this and talked about this topic, I said, “I wanted to talk about integrity.” You were the first person that popped into my head because of our experience. You were the first person that challenged my integrity. You brought that word up to my attention and said, “This is important because this is what is going to help guide you in life. How is integrity guiding you?” You point me in so many directions, yet you call me out in so many ways that talked about my integrity, which made me look at my integrity. When I thought about this episode, I said, “Susie Carder, no doubt. She is going to be my first guest.”
Our readers know that we do series. It is not just one guest on one topic, and we move on to the next. It is one topic with multiple guests. I find that that provides our readers with tools and techniques and get a different perspective from different people. We are all different in unique ways. What works for me may not work for someone else. I do not want them to say, “You have to do it this way.” I am bringing in phenomenal guests, such as yourself, to speak on topics. Let’s jump right into this. The topic is your integrity or your appetite. Before we dive in deep, because this show is You Are YOU, Unapologetically, I have no choice but to ask you, what does it mean to you to be you, unapologetically?
The first word that pops into my head is integrity. I have always been guided by a different compass. It got me in trouble a lot as a kid, meaning I would question, ask, and push boundaries. If I did not understand, I wanted the answer. To me, that is integrity. You cannot just say something because you say something. Your parents would say, “Because I said so.”
As I was growing up, there was a strong desire to do something impactful in the world. I pushed the envelope a lot, and integrity is the practice of being honest and showing consistent and uncompromising adherence. It’s consistent with my desire, wanting to make a difference, be a voice, and give a voice where there was no voice before. I did not know that as a kid. That was something that was instilled in me by God. When I looked at my firecracker-ness, I knew I wanted something better for myself. I did not know what better was. I just knew there was this yearning desire to be something.It's not about a perfect life. It's about a checked life. Check yourself. Click To Tweet
When I look at that conversation, that is what guides me. It does not always make sense. I think people are looking for something to make sense. Especially in this time, it does not make sense. What is God calling you to do? What is God having you see? What is God telling you that you refuse to listen to? I refuse to listen. You know that story about my grandma. My grandma took my kids’ dad aside on our wedding day, “I do not know why you are marrying her. She does not listen.” Grandma is old school, “You follow your man. You are obedient.” I am like, “Not on the wedding day.”
Grandma is going to tell it, and grandma told it. Here we are. It is true. I am a tough nut. I need to experience it for myself and fall down a little bit. As parents, we are trying so hard to protect our children, but they learn when they fall. You learn when you fall. I do not like falling, bloody knees, bloody elbows, skin, chin, and nose is all scraped up. When I fall, that is the time that you listen. Listen to the voice inside you. Listen to God. I call it God. You can call it whatever you want. Listen to that voice inside that is showing you. We have to be quiet and be still to hear it.
When you speak about failure or failing, I incorporate it into a conversation with me and with others. I tell people that failure is a part of success. If you succeed, then you fail. If you have not fallen, then success is a long way off because you are going to have to fail and fall to get to that point. I truly appreciate that, Susie. Thank you so much. Here is what I would like to ask you. This is about sharing, being real, and open. What are some incidents or situations that caused you to choose your appetite over your integrity?
The first one that comes up is gluttony, where you want more. “I want to look better, be prettier, be smart enough.” It’s trying to fill this outside versus going inside. I never really knew about that. That was not what was taught in our house. It was, “What you see is what you get.” We grew up in a family where my dad said, “Men only want one thing from you.” I am like, “I will be good at that.” It took me a lot of years in therapy to distinguish that. I want to say that. There is that outside persona versus going inside and working on that.
That would be one. The gluttony of wanting this external beauty at all costs to get approval and love. At the end of the day, it was to get approval and love. Going deeper than, “Why is that?” Approval and love. That is one of the things that I am always working on, “Am I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, doing enough, or good enough friend?” That can be exhausting if you are not aware.
I love the term that you gave. You gave it gluttony, which was huge. It speaks to wanting more and more. That is what speaks to our appetite. If we are not careful and aware of the approval, love, and those things that will definitely drain us, we will see that we are outside of integrity because we are busy trying to appease our appetite. We all have experienced being out of integrity. How does being out of integrity impact you? It’s because there was a time when we were.
Integrity is like dirty laundry. You can clean it up all day long. At nighttime, you are going to take your underwear off and put them in the laundry. That is integrity. You can be the most amazing person, and all day long, I could say one stupid thing and it will upset someone or my pride got in the way. I might say it to my man or my children. Before, I thought integrity was right, wrong, good, and bad. I realized that integrity is so much more. It is a lifestyle. There is a saying that says, “The degree of your aliveness is to the degree of your integrity.” I am like, “The degree of my aliveness is right and wrong?” It is about being so clear and clean with yourself that you are constantly moment by moment cleaning it up.
Whether someone is going through a hard time and you forgot to reach out to them. That is out of integrity because we all say at the end of someone’s life, “I wish I would have spent more time or called them more.” That is out of integrity because you knew you should have and we did not. It is not bad or wrong. I find that the more I am in integrity, as simple as having a clean space or car. When I get in my car, I am not going, “I got to take it to the car washer.” It’s something that is out in your home. It is as simple as that. Anytime you have something in your life that brings a worry, a concern, or I should have, you are out of integrity.
You can clean it up in a moment. You can go, “Let me clean this up. Let me handle and work on this.” A great example is our dog, Dozer. We live in the country. The neighbor’s turkeys came into our yard. There were twenty turkeys. The dog is like, “This is a fun game.” He gets the turkey and mangles the turkey. We bring them to our yard and try to nurse it back to health. It is all mangled. Dan had to make a decision, “I think I have to put the Turkey down.” I am like, “Okay.” He puts the turkey down. I am like, “We have to go tell the neighbor.” He is like, “One less turkey. They will not know.”
I am like, “You have to tell the neighbor. Why don’t you want to tell the neighbor? Are you embarrassed? It is a dog. That is what dogs do. They let their turkeys run around.” He is like, “I did not think about it that way. Is it a big deal? I do not know. We will buy him a new turkey.” Looking at that little thing would be weighing heavy on my heart and heavy on his heart unconsciously. A lot of the stuff that happens is so unconscious for us. We are not someone saying, “You should have that conversation. You should go tell them the neighbor.”
Is it a big deal? Probably not, but it is a big deal when, “There are only nineteen turkeys now. Where did one turkey go?” It is silly but so true. It is those little things like being in debt and you are not comfortable with it, not avoiding debt collectors. That is out of integrity. That is an obvious one, but we run from it, sticking our heads in the sand. Being out of integrity with family members that you have not spoken to because you are just avoiding, you can choose to not speak to them, but avoiding them makes it out of integrity because now that weight is heavy on you.
I want the readers to know that what you are reading is what I was getting when I first met Susie and started working with Susie. It made me begin to ponder, “Am I out of integrity?” It is the smallest thing, and this was something that I remember you said to me. It blew my mind, but it was so accurate. When you show up late or you know you are supposed to be there at 9:00 or 10:00 and you show up at 9:03 or 9:05, when you think about it, we committed to that time. We set that time. We said, “Yes, we want to be there at that time,” and then we showed up after that time. I remember you sharing that with me or you making me aware of it.When you're living with intention, you're living with purpose. You're living inside of listening to your higher voice and manifesting that in front of you. Click To Tweet
Even me being in the prior military, they always said to us if we show up on time, we are late. That did not speak to integrity when they were teaching me that. You put it in a perspective that says, “If I am a minute late without picking up the phone saying, ‘I am going to be this amount of time late,’ then I am out of integrity. It is about restoring that integrity.” You already shared how being out of intact integrity impacts the people around you. I want to impact you, and it impacts the people around you, as you said when you are avoiding your loved ones. What advice would you give someone who is still trying to find their integrity or maintain their integrity? How can you help them to be truthful with themselves?
Remember that saying, and I did not know what it meant in my younger days, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” I will give you an example. I was in a relationship with my kids’ dad. We called that the was-band. He is now not my husband, so I did this series of dating. What I started noticing is I would choose the same characteristics, powerful, opinionated, controlling, dominating, leader, and activist, this certain persona. The relationships would all be the same. I am like, “These men.”
The only common denominator because they are all strangers is me. What is in me that causes that reaction? That is the spitfire, pushback, and the, “Do not tell me. You are not the boss of me.” That is the, “I do not listen,” and all the tough nut stuff that makes me independent. It was sabotaging my relationships. There were good, powerful men. On the flip side for all of us, the other side of power can be dominating. On the other side of power could be harsh or can be intimidating. People can say, “I am that way. People have said I am that way.”
It’s like, “I am aware of the ripple effect I leave when I come into the room, positive and negative?” If my ripple effect in the room is negative, that is out of integrity because that is not what I want. Some people want that. If you want that, that is okay. I do not want that. I want people to feel my love, my heart, and my commitment to them. That is what I want to leave them with, not that they are scary. The more things change, the more they stay the same. You cannot change until you notice your behavior. I did not notice that I was causing this response. My saying was, “I am not going to live like this. You cannot treat me that way.”
I was so broken from my divorce. I should have taken time to heal, but you just jumped right back into a relationship. I was out of integrity with myself, trying to fill this void by people, by man, and by love from somebody else. I am out of integrity with myself. You have to notice when things are in a breakdown. If you are in debt, you are spending more than you are making, or if you do not balance your checkbook, that is out of integrity because you do not know. If you tell a lie, “I do not care if there is a white lie,” That is out of integrity. I am not saying be perfect. I am saying notice and clean it up. It is like the turkey. The reality is notice to go, “That drag around. We do not want to hurt them. The turkey is gone.”
Those little things is understanding me managing me. Find a good coach that will help you see what you do not want to see, hear what you do not want to hear, so you can be the person you knew that you could be. That is the power. It is eliminating your success. It is causing you not to have the abundance you want and have a breakdown in your relationship, whether you want to look at it or not. The more you and your significant other, you and your team, you and your friends can be clear and honest with each other, the more powerful relationship you can have. We are all in this pride thing of, “Let me say and do the right thing.”
I want to do the right thing, but I want to make sure that if I love Kim, someone has got to tell Kim the truth besides Lionel. Not in a malicious way to, “Check yourself.” With Dan, “Check yourself. We got to go talk about the turkey.” “Who cares? It is a turkey.” It is going to be his integrity. All of a sudden, you are stressed out, wigged out, do not know why, unhappy, and depressed. Depression is a good indicator of out of integrity. Not taking care of yourself, what you need, and putting everybody else’s needs. Especially if you are a woman reading this, we put everybody else’s needs. Men do too. You are supposed to protect your provider and manage the home. Sometimes you are scared, you do not want to, or you are exhausted, but society does not give us that space to just say, “I am exhausted. I cannot.”
I am so glad that I run the show because, in your answers, you are answering the questions. One of them that I have, and feel free to elaborate a little bit more, but in what ways do you find it challenging to stay in integrity and how have walking in integrity made your life better? You touched on it a little bit as you were sharing. I want to go ahead and throw that back out there. We are not perfect, and there are times when that challenge is going to show up. Can you share how you find it challenging, what is that challenge to stay in integrity, and how has it made your life better?
It is a practice because I have been doing this for many years. The conversation of integrity is a managed conversation. It is not just, “We are having this conversation.” It is one of the values inside of my life plan. Because I have been in it for so long, I can feel it when it comes into my body. I have a girlfriend that wants to lose weight. She has been my girlfriend for a long time and she has never lost weight. That is out of integrity for herself because every day, she says, “I am going to lose weight,” and then she makes a different choice, like the choice to eat or whatever her vice is.
I am like, “Why don’t you be honest with yourself and say you do not want to lose weight.” There are times in my life I am going to be, “I do not want to go to the gym. I want to sleep in. I want to snuggle. I do not want to get up and get on the Peloton.” There are times to go, “Let me be honest with myself,” versus picking up the stick and beating yourself up because you did not go to the gym, you did not eat right, and you spent that money. We are trying to live this perfect life. It is not about a perfect life. It is about a checked life. Check yourself. Your moms used to say, “Check yourself.”
There is this habit, and having a community conversation helps. Kim was in a community, which is one of the values we were teaching. Time is about respect. You know that from the military. I had a client that lived in LA and she would drive down to San Diego. She was late every single time. She grew up in LA and her conversation every time she came to the office was, “LA traffic.” You have been living in LA your whole entire life. You know what traffic is. Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you communicate? I remember in my youth. I would call my husband and say, “I am going to be late for work. I am finishing up with a client and I will be 30 minutes.” I knew I would not be 30 minutes.
Where that client was and what we were doing. It was a good hour and a half. It took me 30 minutes just to get home. That meant I had to walk out the door and leave if I was going to be home in 30 minutes. Out of integrity, the second I hung up the phone. I was not looking at it as integrity, so then when I got home, he would be mad. What I was trying to avoid was him being mad. I caused more drama by lying but not consciously lying. I am trying to please him by saying, “I will be home in 30 minutes.” I made a bigger mess by lying by saying, “I will be home,” because I was trying to appease him. He is upset because he had dinner ready. Now the dinner is cold.Sometimes we're exhausted, but society doesn't give us that space to just say, 'I'm exhausted.' Click To Tweet
It is like, “Forget it. I am going to go upstairs. I do not want to play with you. You are a liar.” It gets so dramatic. Being aware of what integrity is and how I speak the truth. I was scared to disappoint him. That is where I was out of integrity. I was scared to disappoint him. It is in this conversation to go, “Where do you compromise yourself to please? Where do you compromise your own integrity for somebody else’s well-being, then they are out of integrity with you?”
We are not done quite yet because I want you to share with our readers how they can get in contact with you, as well as a closing thought. Give a tidbit or nugget that you can share with the readers about your integrity and appetite. First, you have to let them know how they can get in contact with you. I am quite sure they want to because I do, but I have all your information.
Our website is SusieCarder.com. On all platforms, you can get in contact with my name. Why would you want to get in contact with me? If you are a small business owner, especially if you are a woman, this is my jam. I am the money. I want to help you find the money, leverage the money, and build your wealth. If you are reading this, I have a sign, “Wealth is your birthright.” You can create and manifest anything you want when you are living with intention and purpose and you are living inside by listening to your higher voice and manifesting that in front of you. I am who I am because I live inside this conversation of wealth is my birthright.
Tie your closing thought into integrity and your appetite.
If wealth is your birthright, then I have to be that. I have to emulate that. I have everything around me because this is one of my values. How do I be the example of wealth? Not rich, not money. Wealth in my relationships, in my friendships, with my children, and my bank account. Wealth is not just money. Wealth is all the other things that bring us joy inside of our life. The degree of your aliveness is to the degree of your integrity. Not perfection. It makes a big difference in the outcome and who you are in the world.
I know that you guys being here for this short period is full because I am full. That is the thing. Every time I am in Susie’s presence, either on a call or in person, I always get full because that is who she is. I am so grateful that I know her and we are still friends. She has poured into my life for many years. I am so grateful that you said yes when I asked you to come on my show. Thank you. I love you. I adore you. I appreciate you, and because of you, being in integrity is not only important for me, but I know what it looks like, what it feels like, and what it smells like. I can even tell you the color of it. Thank you, Susie Carder. You are phenomenal.
Thank you, Kim Grimes. I love you.
It is so easy to lose yourself in clashing ideas, conflicting beliefs, and the flood of information with society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions. Self-expression and self-appreciation can feel challenging and daunting. Most of the time, this pushes you, me, and others to dumb down, hide who you really are, and go with the flow. It is not about going with the flow.
We are here to put an end to this disparity mindset and empower you to begin your own authentic self. Join me here, where I create a safe space that initiates influential conversations, such as the one we are having in this episode about being you because You Are You, Unapologetically. You owe one an apology for being you because this is what I know. There is no one better at being you than you, so be you, unapologetically. Thank you guys for reading. I truly appreciate you. I cannot wait for the next one. Thank you so much.
- Susie Carder
- Michael Gerber
About Susie Carder
You’d never guess behind my guest’s multi-million-dollar success, best-selling author title, and fire engine red lipstick, that she grew up with a very different set of numbers: 9 siblings, 3-bedroom home, poverty-stricken neighborhood.
A Self-Made Millionaire
Susie Carder is truly a self-made millionaire. A disciple of Michael Gerber and a lifelong student, she started with one salon and health spa and built it into one of the most successful businesses in the country.
She then founded and sold three profitable companies, the last of which sold for eight figures to Cengage (previously Reuters and Thompson Learning).
A Serial Entrepreneur
Susie soon became passionate about helping other business owners achieve what came naturally to her – growth and sustainability.
An Enterprise Was Born
Susie’s 20-year track record helps companies, big and small, develop and implement strategic business plans that result in dramatic growth.
Her business structures have not only helped clients overcome turbulence and uncertainty; it’s helped them create multi-million-dollar businesses.
Susie has guided hundreds of companies to develop personalized operation systems in finance, sales, and marketing.
Her team-building structure provides accountability for sustainable success, just as it did in her own business years before.
An international speaker, Susie’s presence packs a punch. Her spit-fire personality, sharp wit, and heart-warming stories are beautifully woven in with her decades of business knowledge to educate and compel audiences toward financial freedom.