“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength, and it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones.
The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. How many times have you told yourselves something that is not true? We have all done more to undermine our own success, our own prosperity, and our own progress more than anyone else on the planet. We deceived ourselves by lying to ourselves. So, what’s wrong with us? To help us understand, Dr. Kim Grimes welcomes Raven Thissel, the CEO of Thissel Consulting, who shares how being truthful to herself impacts everyone around her. Dishonesty holds growth because you hold on to excuses that undermine your success, prosperity, and progress. Let’s not deceive ourselves by lying to ourselves; instead, we move forward and grow by being truthful.
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Face Your Truth: Be Truthful To Yourself With Raven Thissel
Welcome back, everyone. I’m excited because of the show. Not only that but also the feedback that I’m getting. I’m so elated because you guys are so loving and caring. I’m grateful. We are in a new year, which means we are in a new season. Unlike episodes that you find on Netflix, we’re still in our current series, the series of The Truth About YOU! Face Your Truth! even though we’re in a new season. With that being said, I want to welcome you back.
Let’s go over what we’re talking about. I do this for a reason because I know some of you probably are wondering why I go over it in detail like I do every episode. I do that because everybody’s not following all of the episodes. People jump in where they can and read. I don’t want them to miss out on what it is that we’re talking about. You know how people are. They are coming and going, so if we can make this easier for them to read, to get the gist of what we’re talking about, that’s what we’re going to do. Welcome again, guys.
Let me tell you, for the reader who is reading for the very first time, why we are. Here is a fact. The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. It will always be that person in the mirror. That’s the easiest person to deceive. How many times have you told yourself something that’s not true? 5 or 10? You can’t even count on your end.
How many times have you told yourself about the worst idea or made the worst decision that you ever made? Here’s the thing. During those bad decisions and those bad ideas and not telling yourself the truth, you were there for them all. We have all done so much more to undermine our own success, our own prosperity, and our own progress more than anyone else on this planet. Would you agree? I’m telling the fact.
We deceive ourselves by doing what? By lying to ourselves. What’s wrong with us? What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with me? That’s how we deceive ourselves. Why do we do this? Is there anything that we can do about it? We’re talking about this episode. We’re still in our series The Truth About YOU! Face Your Truth, and that’s what we’re going to talk about.
I love the definition we have been sharing on the word wisdom. I’m studying that word, and there’s a Hebrew word for it, but I’m not even going to try to pronounce it because I will chop it up. In saying that, go and look for the Hebrew word of wisdom. What I’m saying is we’ve been given a definition for the word wisdom from the book of Proverbs.
For those who don’t read the Bible, the Proverbs is in the Bible. There’s a book in the Bible. Not only that, the Bible provides numerous definitions of the word wisdom. For this particular topic we’re talking about, I like to use this because I feel it’s a perfect fit. That is Proverbs 3:13-18 and it says this, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom and the one who gets understanding for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her prophet better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand, and in her left hand is riches in honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her path is peace.”
That’s the definition that I want you to take about wisdom. Here’s something else I want to add to it. There is a pastor that I know who shares this definition of wisdom. He said, “Wisdom is insight informed by the knowledge that life is connected.” What happened yesterday impacts today, and what happens today impacts tomorrow. Therefore, the decision you made yesterday impact today in some form or fashion, and the decision you make today will impact tomorrow.Wisdom is insight informed by the knowledge that life is connected. Click To Tweet
Life is connected exactly because of what we said because today impacts tomorrow, and yesterday impacts today. When we make decisions, they are not done in isolation. We make decisions every day. Every single decision we make in some way, form, or fashion, is going to show up in our future. Wisdom surfaces when we ask ourselves, “How is my decision today going to impact me tomorrow?” Today shapes tomorrow, and one thing leads to another, which we call our past. Our past shows up in the future.
If you don’t believe me, sit down and look at how your past showed up in your future, especially if you don’t manage it. With that in mind, I’m inviting you to have a conversation about facing your truth. Let’s talk about the truth about you. The truth about you is what I want to have a conversation about, not running at all from your truth but facing your truth.
The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. Therefore, my ask is this. Tell yourself the truth, period. More specifically, tell yourself the truth about you. Face your truth and tell yourself the truth about you. Tell yourself the truth about why you do what you do. Tell yourself the truth about why you don’t do what you ought to do. Tell yourself the truth about why you won’t stop doing what’s hurting you. Tell yourself the truth about why you won’t stop lying to yourself and why you keep making excuses for yourself. Tell yourself the truth about why you keep going back or why you won’t leave.
What I know is this. When I lied to someone, it damages the relationship. When you lie to yourself, it damages the relationship with you. When you lie to yourself, wouldn’t you agree that you are no longer your true self because you’re lying to yourself? You are no longer you. The bottom line, when you start lying to yourself, instead you are a lie. You are lying, whether you want to admit it or not. The question is, are you the truth or a lie? You can’t be both.
With that, I want to jump into our conversation, but first, we have to introduce our guests for this episode. We have a returning guest. I’m so excited because when she was the guest, she first appeared on Episode 4 as a guest, and she blew us away. I’m so excited because I know she’s going to do the same thing. Fasten your seatbelt. For those who missed Episode 4, she was a part of the series that we did, Overcoming the Challenges of Self-Love.
That was one of our series. I think it was our first series, but that was the series in her episode. The name of her episode was Mindset Shift and Strategies to Unapologetically Love Yourself. That episode was amazing. If you missed it and you didn’t get to read it, you might want to go back. I’m telling you. You want to go back.
Go back and read it because it was powerful. For those of you who did not read Episode 4 and don’t know who our guest is, let me introduce you to this phenomenal woman. She’s a phenomenal woman. She is one of my mentees. We have been working together for some time now. It’s so long that she is now one of my dear friends. She’s more than a mentee, but that’s one of the ways how we connected. I’m going to let her tell you how we connected.
She’s back, and she’s a person that has my back, no doubt whatsoever. I know she’s the type that won’t disappoint me. She will just have my back, and in that, I have hers. I am truly honored to know her. You have people in your life that you’re like, “I’m so glad I know you. I’m so glad you are a part of my life.” This is the person that I’m talking about. I am truly honored to know her, and I am blessed beyond measure for her to be a part of my life.
Raven Thissel is an award-winning Diversity and Inclusion Thought Leader, Certified Holistic Health Coach, International Talk Show Host, and Corporate Communications Consult. She serves as Marketing and PR Director of The Doug Williams Center, creating solutions for racial and gender disparities in college and professional forward.
She is the CEO of Thissel Consulting, where she provides executive leadership to cultural innovation, initiatives, and communication project management solutions for impactful organizations. This school’s holistic health education and background in public relations and marketing have uniquely positioned her to exercise her passion for social advancement in a variety of ways where she observed the climbing rates of suicide and stress-related illnesses amongst Black Americans. Thissel found Crowned & Calm Company with the mission to empower Black communities with meditation and other holistic health tools.
She is the host of Raven Thissel Live and IBM.TV, a network talk show where she teaches holistic, personal development to an international audience across 144 countries. Please, help me to welcome back my friend, my ride or die. Thank you so much, Raven, for saying yes. Help me welcome Raven Thissel. Welcome back. I love you, girl.
Nobody can introduce you like Dr. Kim R. Grimes. She’s going to have you looking around, waiting for the person like, “You can’t be talking about me. That’s me?” Thank you so much for having me back.
Thank you. I am so grateful that you said yes when I asked you if you would host again. I’m not only grateful but I’m also humbled by your presence as well. Let’s jump right into our discussion. Before we do, I want you to share with our readers how we met. I want you to know that our meeting was truly divine. Go ahead, Raven. Please share.
It was truly divine, and it was several years ago. Can you believe that? We met in 2013. Isn’t that incredible? I’m so happy that you’ve been in my life for that long. That’s a huge blessing to me. I had moved from Louisiana to Virginia after college. I was working a job that I was terrible at, and I did not like it. I was working in hotel sales. I was in my office at the moment, overwhelmed, and then the phone rang. I was like, “Yes.”
I was fully expecting it to be work-related stuff or maybe somebody who I didn’t know how to help because I remember I’m bad at this job. When I picked up the phone at my desk, I hear this radiant, energetic voice, say, “Hi, I’m Kim R. Grimes, and I’m a change agent.” She proceeded to tell me what she was doing with Living Abundantly Youth Vision and how she was impacting the lives of teens and motivating the teens’ spirits. I was like, “I know this company is not going to help you, but I want to, so let’s have lunch.” We did. We met up, and I was in love with her from day one.
Likewise, my dear.
That’s how we met.
That was it. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Lunch was powerful and amazing as well. We’ve been in each other’s lives ever since. Thank you. This is the question I ask all of my guests that come on, even repeated guests. What does it mean to you to be you unapologetically? Let’s share.
I love this question even more the second time around because I can see the growth in my own self-love when I think about this question. I remember the last time, it was all about accepting who I am, accepting the lows and the highs of me. Now, in this season of my life, loving myself unapologetically is about leaning into my fullest potential because I feel like I can’t claim to even know myself until I know and understand what’s my highest and not being sorry for entering my own excellence and staying there.
Now, every day is about challenging myself to overcome the little voice that says I can’t and to divorce myself from previous stories about who I was so that I can step into and marry my highest version of me and then remarry me as I continue to grow and develop and level up. I feel this fresh excitement about life because I’m entering a season of intentional greatness. Not just like, “This opportunity found me,” but like, “I can climb higher in this area of my life. Let’s see how high I can go.” That’s what loving myself unapologetically looks like now. It’s not being sorry for being great, not being sorry for being excellent, and not being sorry for expecting excellence from myself, from those around me, and for pouring. It’s about maxing out now, not dreaming about doing it later.
That’s amazing. I love when you said divorcing what you used to then marrying and remarrying. I love that concept. It’s so amazing. How about you share with us some incidents or situations that have caused you to face your truth and tell the truth about you? How about sharing some of that with us?
The thing that has made it happen has been uncomfortable reality checks, like getting an uncomfortable reality check when I swipe my card and it said decline. I know good and well I don’t have good financial practices in place, and I have been showing out. I’ve been overspending. I haven’t been budgeting. If I know that and when I swipe that card and I got declined, that was one of those moments where I had to stop lying to myself where it got real.
I had to start having those real conversations with myself and on this journey of maxing out and learning what my maximums are. It’s been a journey of discipline and gently saying to myself, “I love you. I understand where you learned this from. This is what we want out of life. This is what I want out of my finances, my career, my love life, and my parenting. This is what I want out of my relationship with me, my alone time, my quiet time, and my prayer time.” The reason why we don’t have that is because we lack discipline. The reason why we don’t have the money that we want to see in our bank account is because we’re not willing to do the work that it takes to put it there. We want the title but we don’t want to do the work. I love you, Raven, but baby girl, it’s time to grow up.We don't have the money we want to see in our bank account because we're not willing to do the work it takes to put it there. Click To Tweet
Those are some of the conversations that I’ve had to have with myself over the last couple of months. I’m so glad that I did. In 2022, I looked in my bank account and saw more money in my savings account than I had ever seen in an account with my name on it. That’s because I was willing to be not brutally honest because I don’t think honesty has to be brutal, but very deeply real about what it was going to take and giving that to myself. It has taken those reality checks for me to stop making the excuses that keep me mediocre and the excuses that keep me an average version of me or the version of me that I’m used to and comfortable with instead of being honest enough to push myself into my own greatness.
That sounds so exciting. You are facing your truth and the uncomfortable reality check and the example that you gave of swiping your credit card. That alone impact not only impacted you but also impacts the people around you. I want to ask you about that as well but I also want to point out that you shared how being untruthful about yourself or to yourself impacts you because of that standing in that line, thinking you’re going to purchase something. You swiped it, and the card declined. I’m quite sure you can give other examples as well, but that right there impacts you in a negative and a positive way where it pushed you to go beyond and do more than that.
As you said, you looked in your bank account and you saw more money with your name on it than you ever did. That right there and with what you shared says how you were willing to go beyond and do the things that you need to do so you can be true to yourself, so it can stop impacting you in a negative way and start impacting you in a positive way. With that being said, how did lying or how did lying or being untruthful to yourself impact the people that were around you? There’s that swiping that card and not getting what it was that you were trying to get, but how did it impact those who were around you as well?
For this question, I’m going to have to use a different example because the money was affecting me. When I was being dishonest with myself, I was hurting the people around me by not growing. I wasn’t growing into what it would take to love them well and show up for them well because I was committed to my excuses. I was holding onto my coping mechanism. I was holding onto lies that I believed about myself and about what life experiences can be.
I’m going to give a specific example. I’m trying to think of one because I feel like this gets complicated. Having a temper, this is one. I, like most women, have a temper. That’s something that I wasn’t honest with myself about and how that can play out. I realized that when I saw myself tempted to take out a work frustration on my children, they hadn’t done anything wrong. If they did, they’re young. It’s not going to be comparable to the level of anxiety and frustration that I feel about something else.
When I saw that I was reacting ten times bigger to their minor offense, that was unnecessary. If I refused to be honest with myself that I had an issue with managing my emotions, then I could destroy my children’s self-esteem, self-worth, sense of safety, relationship with me, relationship with other people as they grow up, and friendships. I could create depression and anxiety in my children because of my refusal and take ownership of my issue.
I had to be not only honest with myself but I had to be honest with them. The way that I have gone about addressing this, not just with my children but with everybody that I have a close relationship with is to be very honest about the whole picture of what’s impacting my emotion at the moment. That looks like, “Mommy had a rough day at work today. It is not your fault. Mommy’s patience is a little thinner than what you need. For that reason, mommy’s going to take a ten-minute break. I’m not ignoring you. I’m going in my room so I can breathe and come back to show up as a good present mommy for you.”
That’s the type of honesty that I had to lean into with my children. When I catch myself being more frustrated than the situation calls for, my conversation with myself is, “Don’t you pull that temper out. Remember, we have to compartmentalize these emotions. You feel frustrated about this. The situation with the children is something you have infinite patience for. Go in and lean into that patience then we can lean back into these other feelings when it’s the right time.”
If I refuse to be honest with myself, I would justify at the moment and say, “I yelled at her. She broke my whatever.” No, you yelled at her because you’re angry about so and so cutting you off in traffic. You can’t go take it out on so-and-so, so you take it out on a person who’s here. It’s about leveling up in the places we’re willing to be honest.
Raven, you gave such a phenomenal example. It’s real, and I like how you own the fact that it happened at work. As many of us, we bring it home, and because we can’t express it or say something about it at work, we can say something and do something about it at home. I love the example that you gave where you owned up and leveled up on it and recognized that it was you and how you also pour into your daughter.
The example that you gave, that’s what our readers are reading for. They need that example and not just like, “This is what you do. This is what I did.” It’s the fact that you’re saying just lean more into who you are and recognize that you are refusing to be honest with yourself. By doing that, you’re going to impact those around you and hurt them which will have a ripple effect. There are no if and buts about it. Thank you for that. That was on point. That was conscience. What do you say to someone who knows that they’re not being honest with themselves and that they’re not willing to face their truth?
I say you are worthy to be seen, loved, and accepted. You are worthy of growing. Even that part of you that you’re hiding because of fear, “I’m afraid of being vulnerable enough. I’m afraid of that level of vulnerability that it takes to be honest with myself,” the part of you that you’re protecting with the mask deserves to be loved. It can’t be loved until it’s brought into the light. We are very much like plants. We require light and water. There are so many different things that are light and water. In this case, I would say the truth can be both.We are very much like plants. We require light and water. There are so many light things and so many different things that are water. Click To Tweet
You need to expose it to the light of truth, the reality of it, confront it and look at it then nourish it with the truth, not just with the truth that, “This is an ugly part of me, and I accept that.” No, but, “The truth that this part of me is born out of a situation that took place, this part of me deserves grace, and this part of me is my inner child, what does he or she need? Can I give it to them now? This part of me doesn’t feel safe. How can I provide safety for this part of me that I’m afraid to expose the light?” That’s the water. That’s nourishing. When you give it light and water, it’s a plant. It’s going to grow. That’s it. To somebody who’s struggling to be honest with themselves, take baby steps if you need to.
I got this right here on my desk. It says, “Small steps every day.” Take a little step if you need to. You don’t have to shove it out there in the light. I would also encourage you that if this is a part of you that was damaged in the past or hurt in the past in some way, it has to be healed in the same way that it was hurt. If it was a relationship that hurt you, it needs relationship to truly be healed as well. You got to be willing to step into that space. This is going to require courage. It’s not going to be cute. It’s not going to feel good all the time but you’ll build the skill of being able to truly love yourself by giving it some exposure to light and water.
That was good. Thank you, Raven. Exposing whatever my issue is that’s keeping me from being truthful with myself to light and water and telling myself that I am worthy and deserve to be truthful not only to others but to myself as well, that right there is not only huge but it makes a difference. It’s simple. It’s not anything hard. For you implementing those steps, leaning in, all that you have shared that you do and that you were doing, how has that bettered your life? How has it made your life better because you’re being truthful and honest with your truth? As you said, you had a temper. That was your truth. “I have a temper. Now, I have to manage it.”
Let me say this about me. I’m a fighter. I grew up fighting, and that’s what I tell people. I even tell my husband. My first response would be like, “What?” As my 59-year-old self, I’m still there because it’s in me, yet facing that part of me is my truth. Facing your truth and telling yourself the truth about you, how has that made your life better?
This is a good part. It has given me so much more confidence. I was already a confident person even the last time that we spoke on your show. This is a different type of confidence because nobody can expose anything about me. I don’t have to live in fear now that I’m going to be found out about anything. There’s no part of me that I’m not willing to wrestle with.
Also, it gives me the confidence that as I continue to go through life and there are more things revealed to me, I can lean into those spaces and love myself too. When things get challenging, I know what to do. Even if it’s hard and I don’t know how to do it, I know that I can learn. That has provided me with a different type of confidence that I didn’t have when I wasn’t being truthful or willing to be truthful with myself.
You have been a phenomenal guest. Thank you. You are always, and I say always because I’m always interacting and talking with you. Our readers got you on Episode 4, and now this is Episode 26 if I’m not mistaken. How can those who are reading get in contact with you? Two, what is the one thing that you want our readers to take away from this episode of what it is that you have to share with them?
I’ll answer that one first. If you have to take one thing away is that you can do this. Whatever it is, you can do this. As hard as it is, you can do it. If it’s learning how to be honest with yourself, learning how to love yourself, getting out of a difficult situation, or stepping into a scary situation, you can. Be empowered if you need to put yourself around some people like Dr. Kim R. Grimes.
If you need to get some coaching from her or me or whomever you need to put around you, change your circle and change whatever you need to change, but you can do it. How can you get in touch with me? I’m excited to share this last time. I did not have this yet, but now, I have RavenThissel.com where you can peruse the services that I offer, which include intimacy and communication coaching for couples. It includes whole-woman coaching for women and family holistic nutrition coaching so that you can get those babies to stop craving McDonald’s every day. I’m here to help. No judgment.
Also, follow me on all social media platforms @RavenThissel. You can reach out and book a consultation with me at RavenThissel.com. If you’re interested in working with me for diversity, equity, and inclusion or business consulting, you can reach me at ThisselConsulting.com and learn more about what I do in that. Thank you so much, Dr. Kim.
Thank you, my dear. It is such an honor to have you host again, and this is not the last time. For our readers, we will have her back again and again. As many times as she says yes, I’m going to have her back. Thank you, Raven. The information that you provided, what you shared, and how you gave examples, it’s palatable. Not only that, you mushed it. You smashed it and they can tip it out of a straw. Thank you for always being you unapologetically. Until next time. We’ll be in touch with each other. I love you. I appreciate you.
Thank you again for sharing not only to me because I’m learning as you’re sharing, but I’m impressed. I love the fact of how many readers are reading and what they’re going to get from this. That makes me excited even more. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Let me say this too. I had a friend who gave me a card. It said, “I want to thank you from the bottom of my butt.” I looked at the card, and I was like, “What in the world?” When it opened up, it said, “I’m thanking you from the bottom of my butt because my butt is two times larger than my heart.” I was like, “Oh,” so I’m thanking you from the bottom of my butt.
I love it. I love you from the bottom of my butt.
Thank you, my dear, and I will see you on the next episode or when we get together. I love you. Folks, here’s my question to you. How many decisions will you say you are away from totally screwing up your life? How many ideas and lies are you away from screwing up and wrecking your life? This is why we have this show because we know that it is easy to lose yourself in clashing ideas nowadays, conflicting beliefs, and the flood of information that surrounds us every day.
With society’s rigid expectations and inlet opinions of self-expression and self-appreciation, all of that can feel challenging and daunting, where you find yourself pushing down your emotions and pushing away your thoughts. You are dumbing down, and you’re hiding who you are. Some of us are going with the flow because it’s easier to go that route. I want you to know that you are you unapologetically. It means being true to how you were created. You’re here. You were created for a reason, and not allowing people’s opinions to affect how you show up in life.Finding yourself pushing down your emotions, pushing away your thoughts, dumbing down, and hiding who you are can feel challenging and daunting. Click To Tweet
We show up not just at work or at school, but in life and around your family and your friends. Here’s my advice, let people talk. They’re going to talk. You can’t do anything about controlling what people say. You can’t. Don’t find yourself studying social media because that’s not going to help either. Let them talk, text, and let them put the information out there because you have no time whatsoever to be intimidated by the presence of others and think very little of yourself.
When you show up without pretense and hesitation, the world can’t dim your life. They can’t doll your glamour. They can’t, no matter how they try or how hard they try. Most importantly, you will be inspired. You’ll be empowered. You will be encouraged to shine and share your light and help others to tap into their own brilliance. We want you to put an end to this bearing mindset where you’re lying to yourself.
You’re not telling yourself the truth. You’re running and you’re hiding. You don’t know how to be who you are. We want you to begin to own your authentic self. Join me here. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. This is a safe space. We want you to be you. We’re going to initiate influential conversations so that we can be ourselves and so that you can be you because it’s all about you being you.
This is what I know. I know you are you, unapologetically. No one is better at being you than you, so be you unapologetically. Thank you so much for hanging in here with me. I appreciate it. Again, we can’t do it without you, so thank you. I’ll talk to you on the other side. I’m through because we’re through here. Be good. I love you all, and I’ll talk to you on the next episode.
- Mindset Shift and Strategies to Unapologetically Love Yourself – Previous Episode
- The Doug Williams Center
- Thissel Consulting
- Crowned & Calm Company
- Raven Thissel Live – YouTube
- Living Abundantly Youth Vision
- @RavenThissel – TikTok
About Raven Thissel
Raven Thissel is an award-winning diversity and inclusion thought leader, certified holistic health coach, international talk show host, and corporate communications consultant. She serves as Marketing & PR Director of The Doug Williams Center, creating solutions for racial and gender disparities in college and professional sports. She is the CEO of Thissel Consulting, where she provides executive leadership to cultural innovation initiatives and communications project management solutions for impactful organizations.
Thissel’s holistic health education and background in public relations and marketing have uniquely positioned her to exercise her passion for social advancement in a variety of ways. When she observed the climbing rates of suicide and stress-related illness among Black Americans, Thissel founded Crowned & Calm, Co. with the mission of empowering Black communities with meditation and other holistic health tools. She is the host of Raven Thissel LIVE, an IBMTV Network talk show where she teaches holistic personal development to an international audience across 144 countries.