Welcome back to another exciting episode of discussing the topic: The Weight Of Your Words. Our guest this time is Omozua Isiramen, who has spent over twenty years achieving specialization in neuro-agility, emotional mastery, and actionable resilience. Today, she shares her perspective on what “the weight of your words” mean, discussing the concept of emotional mastery. She introduces the inner mind chihuahua — the amygdala in our brain that is always on the lookout for threats. With our inner mind chihuahua comes constant fear, which often causes us to become reactive to situations. And with those reactions, we create ripple effects. Omozua emphasizes the need for emotional mastery to tame our inner mind chihuahuas and become more responsible with our ripple effects towards other people. She explains how with emotional mastery, we can think more clearly and therefore act and say carefully, no matter what we feel at the moment. We can self-regulate and become more self-aware of the impacts of our words. Omozua then shares that this could shape the impact on our relationships and our lives. Join us as we explore the significance of spoken and unspoken words and learn how to possess emotional mastery.
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Emotional Mastery: Taming The Inner Mind Chihuahua With Omozua Isiramen
I will be remiss if I did not acknowledge our wonderful supporters. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all that you do. I am so grateful. The time that you take to read the show, we do not take it lightly at all. We are grateful. I’m sending you all a big air hug. You have been following along with us. You know our topic is the weight of words, the weight of your words that is. Let’s just jump into that episode and get this conversation started.
I want to say we are still in our series and if I’m not mistaken, this is our third guest. I might be wrong because sometimes I will be forgetting this. I think this is our 3rd, if not our 4th guest on our topic so you guys know how we do things. Anyway, I want you to sit tight and relax because we have an awesome guest in the house.
I can’t wait. Let’s just jump in. Here is what I want to say to you. When it comes to strangers, first acquaintances, or people that we do not know, what do you say to them? Do you watch your words? When it comes to people that you are more intimate with like you are in a more intimate relationship, your family members, your friends, people you love, and who love you back. What do you say to them and do you watch your words?
Words are very powerful. Our discussion is just how powerful words are and how you use your words. We know that the more intimate the relationship, the heavier the words can become, and the greater the capacity to wound or leave a mark or a scar. Even words that are left unsaid. Words that are left unsaid or phrases also have the potential to impact the trajectories of a person’s life. I have been a witness on numerous occasions of people who have been in breakdown, they have been in tears because of a phrase they never heard. They never heard their mother say, “I love you.” They never heard their father say, “I’m proud of you.” The things that they have never heard. They never were told, “Thank you. I appreciate you or I’m sorry.” These people were in breakdown because of unsaid words.
Words are powerful but words carry weight, which leads me to ask this question, how heavy are your words? I’m a Jesus follower, I use His word to anchor my topics. Not putting it on anyone, but this is what I do. There’s a book that’s called the Bible for those who are not familiar with it, and they have different books in there. I’m coming from Ephesians 4, just so you guys know. Ephesians 4:29. It said, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” Remember this, my dear brothers and sisters. James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and should not get angry easily. The tongue is an unruly evil full of deadly poison.” He goes on in James 3:7-8, “Humankind contained beasts, they contain birds, reptiles, and the creation in the sea. Yet we cannot tame our tongue.” The scripture says, “No man or woman can tame the tongue.” James describes the human tongue as an unruly evil that is full of deadly poison. We use our tongues to create and speak words. Since the beginning of creation, our lives have been shaped by words spoken to us over us, at us, and about us.
Words spoken and unspoken, they shaped our childhood, they shaped our relationship, they built, they undermined, they destroyed and in some instances they rebuilt marriages. Words spoken to us at us and over us have impacted our confidence so much so that they determine to an extent who we are or who we see or see in the mirror. This is what words do to us. How heavy were the words spoken to you? How heavy are the words you speak? Have you ever been crushed by someone else’s words or by what they said to you? If so, then you know what I’m saying. You get exactly what I’m talking about.
I want you guys to know that none of us are exempt. We all have been injured or crushed in some form or fashion in some way by other people and the words that they choose to use. Words carry weight. Words spoken and unspoken can leave marks. They can leave marks for good and they can leave marks for bad.
They build up, destroy, discourage, and they inspire. Sometimes words will wound our lives so much, including mine, to the point where we can’t let it go. We have been shaped in some form or fashion to some extent by words that are spoken to us. No, if it ends with it, broken in your life and my life. This is what we all have not been exempt from or what we all can have a conversation around. This is what we can do.
The lies have been shaped also by words that we didn’t hear and that were never said to us as well. Here’s what I’m talking about. We are all quick to recognize the power that other people say, the words that they say to us. We are quick to recognize. We can go back and say, “I remember when you said I remember or I remember you never said this. You never said this to me.” We are so very slow to recognize or to admit the fact that our words, words spoken and unspoken have equal power in other people’s lives. Just like their words will impact me, my words can impact them. It isn’t easy to admit. The easy part is that we have been impacted. What’s not easy to admit is that we impact other people’s lives with our words.
We are quick to remember those words that were said to us, especially if they were hurtful, or damaging, we are quick to that. When it comes to you and me when it comes to the words that we say that hurt people, we make excuses. We make excuses such as, “This is just who I am. I’m just being honest. Those are just words.” Come on. We know and you know that words have weight. When you say things that are hurtful, they are not just words. It’s further from the truth when you say that. Consequently, here’s the thing, we don’t want to be honest with the fact that we use our words irresponsibly. We do, we use them and we don’t want to own that stuff. We don’t want to own it. We want to blame and point fingers.
We have all said, “It wasn’t on purpose.” Not all of us. That’s usually what we hear. We know that’s not true either because we have all been irresponsible with our words. When we are irresponsible with our words, we just don’t want to understand, realize, recognize, or embrace the fact that they do carry weight.
When we speak them, they are going to land on somebody and they may land heavier on them than what you intended or what you thought they would. We need to make sure that we are mindful of the words that we speak. Not only that, I want to make another point. I want to make a point that says negative words weigh way more than positive words.
Studies have proven words that are spoken in a relationship, are just platonic relationships. What they are saying is, if you say one negative word to someone, it’s going to require 5 to 9 positive words to counterbalance that negative word. I just want you guys to be clear, but here’s what I believe. I believe in an intimate relationship such as marriage.
A relationship with a parent and their children or their child, a relationship with your brother, your sister, your mother, or your best friend. I don’t think it’s 5 to 9 words for that negative. I believe it’s 25 to 30 positive words you will have to say to counterbalance that 1 negative word that you said to your mom, your dad, your spouse, or your best friend. I just want to point that out.
What negative words are you saying to those who are around you? Especially, to those whom you say you love? What negative words are you using? Here’s another point I want us all to ponder. The source of the word determines the weight of the word. Even more so, when we are in conversation with those that we love, again, we must remember who we are in the conversation and who we represent. Who is that person that we are representing to the person on the other side, to the person who’s listening in a part of the conversation?
Whom are we representing? We got to think about like, “Who am I? How did this person see me? What do they think of me?” All of that has to come into play when we are having conversations because if not, what people heard and what they feel regardless of what we think can say and we will do some major damage.
We will say something, but you have to think about, “What did they hear and how did it make them feel?” It can do some major damage to their lives. When we get it wrong because we are going to get it wrong. I need you all to understand that it’s irrelevant to the intent. In other words, when you get it wrong and you turn around and you said, “That wasn’t my intent.” It doesn’t take it away. It doesn’t stop the pain.
That’s something we can never get back. When we say words, we can never take those words back. There are things that we can say to make it better. There are things that we say that will make it worse. Your words, my words, and our words carry weight. They are not equally weighted. They carry more weight than you and I think.
Especially, in those relationships with our loved ones, they are going to carry weight. People we say that we love or that they love us, we have to be mindful. The fact is we know words. They have the potential to destroy and to build up. All of us, we have been crushed by other people’s words. We all should take it into consideration knowing what we have experienced.
With that being said, we all must recognize that we must be good stewards and careful about our words. We have to be. We are human beings. We interact with other human beings who we care about and they care about us as well. Especially, if you are like me a Jesus follower, you have to be careful with words. What is the weight of your words to other people?
What is the weight of your words? What are they doing to your loved ones? What are they doing to your colleagues? Are you leaving a mark? Are you creating unforgivable wounds that will take time to heal and you are unaware and you don’t even want to give the space for the healing? Are you building up or are you destroying? What are the results of your words producing? That’s what we are talking about. This is the topic that we are going to discuss. You know we do a topic, but we bring in a variety of guests that can give it, and share their experience from different perspectives.
Before we go even further into our discussion, I need to introduce you to the phenomenal, awesome, and amazing guest that we have with us. She is a certified neuroscience transformation and peak performance specialist. She helped leaders build business owners and sell experts decode their unique brain signature and transcend limiting habits to activate their flow state and be extraordinary. She has spent over twenty years achieving specialization in normal agility, emotional mastery, and actionable resilience to empower business owners, sales and corporate professionals, and leaders to reach the next level of success.
She fuses her deep understanding of neuroscience with a burning passion for leadership and personal development to help individuals modify their unique inner formula and push through limitations. Having trained with one of the world’s top executive coaching authorities, John Mattone, who famously worked with and coached Steve Jobs.
She masterfully used her certification in intelligent leadership, executive coaching, and the intensive training of neuroscience and leadership development coaching she received to deliver neuroscience-based strategies that have been tried and tested across the board to help leaders significantly improve performance.
Her ability to coach accomplish professionals to overcome their limiting barriers and unleash their potential and attain mastery stem from extensive experience in several areas, including brain-based, personal, and leadership development, neuro agility, emotional intelligence and mastery, and effective communication training as a pioneer in the brain-driven people development field. Her diverse experiences living in various countries across the Western European and Western African regions have put her in an excellent position to serve a global client-based with an unparalleled appreciation for cultural and emotional nuances and the human drive.
Outside the professional sphere, she dedicates herself to empowering women and young girls by actively volunteering her time to help them grow and flourish. She’s deeply passionate about the inner workings of the human brain and emotions and is committed to making continual contributions that advance the real-world application of insight from the field of neuroscience. I told you she was phenomenal, awesome, and amazing. She’s none other than the bomb diggity. Please help me welcome Omozua Isiramen. Welcome. Thank you. I’m so glad that you are here.
Thank you for having me.
You are so welcome. Readers, I explained to Omo because that’s what I call her because I’m going to chop up her name and I don’t want to do that. I’m glad that you are here. Thank you for being here again.
Thank you so much for having me. I’m happy to be here.
Before we jump into our discussion, what I want to take place is please share with our readers how we met.
We met in what I would say is the most enjoyable and powerful tribe. We have a joint business development coach Mary Henderson and we met in that tribe. It’s an amazing space for women who generally focus on being better and being more powerful in what it is we each do. That’s where I met you. You have been thrown off power ever since.
You are so on point. It is an amazing tribe and I’m so grateful that I’m in it. When you are called out into your greatness and held accountable for who you are, this is the type of tribe that we both are a part of. We are grateful for Mary Henderson to be our coach. Let me ask you this. Please share with our audience what does it mean to you to be you unapologetic.
There was a time I would get up and I would say, “Omo, another day where you are going to be nakedly human.” When you say this YAYU and I just think yes. Being unapologetically yourself is the biggest gift that anyone can give themselves. It’s a journey to get to that point where you are able to say, “I have been up and I have been down many areas and levels in the middle, fallen back down and risen back up. I’m going to be the way I am answering no questions that come from outside. The only questions that matter are the ones that come from inside.” For me, that is what it is.
Thank you for that. It is about you being you. What the title said unapologetically, you don’t have to give anybody explanations, answer any questions, or anything. You just going to be you and show up. They like you, fine. If they don’t, that’s fine too. Just keep it moving. I believe that when we do that, we get to serve the world and what it is that they need. We get to serve those people who are around us when we are our authentic self when we are being ourselves. Thank you so much for that.
We are talking about the weight of your words and specifically what I would like to ask you so we can jump into the conversation or the discussion. We all have been impacted by words in both positive and negative ways. What I would love for you to share with us, what are some of the words that you heard that helped shaped you into who you are now.
I would say there are those words if we have two categories. One is painful words or I don’t know if I want to refer to them as negative, I like to refer to them as those unresourceful words, which are also part of us developing, growing, and becoming who we can be. You have got them the resourceful ones. I would say I have a combination of both.
For me, to reach that point of knowing what I wanted to show up as for myself, not because I owed it to anybody, but because I owed it to myself the unresourceful ones. I needed to go through them because there’s a lot connected to it. You said about these negative words and the not-so-nice things you say to loved ones. They are also part of the formula.
If you don’t sit down to think about that and to think about them, you are not going to be able to make the choice to say that hurt that other person. How did it make that person feel? Also, how do I feel when I know that I use my words to make another person feel that way? There’s a whole range of things that need to be explored.
I remember when my mom died, I was 19, my older sister was 21, my younger sister was about 11, and my younger brother was 7 or 8-ish. I was told, “Don’t cry.” I did not cry properly until four years after my mother passed away. That means 20, 21, 22, around 23, or 24 was the first time that I gave myself permission to release myself of those words. “Don’t cry. Be strong.”
It sounds like I’m motivating because be strong. That is resourceful, isn’t it? Even the so-called resourceful things in combination with what is the context? It can have the opposite effect. What did it do to me for four years not crying? It meant that I had this invisible cloak on. It meant that I became this secret superwoman outwardly showing up as something that I wasn’t feeling anywhere because I was grieving but not grieving. I was crying within but not crying outward. I would say it’s a mixture of both.
I have also been told top mothering and organizing everything and then I remembered how that affected my behavior because I was somebody that was socially organized gatherings with people. I said, “No, stop. People don’t want that.” This was all a conversation that I was having within myself. That’s another thing that words can do because sometimes you should love yourself too. A loved one in your life is also you. It’s not just family.A loved one in your life is also you. Click To Tweet
I speak about that all the time about you. You have to love you first before anyone else will even get it right. They can’t get it right because if you don’t love yourself enough to share and say, “This is how you love me,” they are going to get it wrong. I guarantee you they are going to get it wrong. You are so important. Especially, with the singles whom I work with, I say, “Instead of you going and looking to date someone, how about you date yourself? How about you do the things that you need to do for you? When you do meet someone, you are clear on all the stuff that you like, love, appreciate, and admire about yourself.”
You have to be convincing and just know that you can be self-partnered before you become partnered with someone else. People should try that, be self-partnered instead of sitting there and sulking and having all those words like, “I’m alone and lonely. Nothing is happening. Everybody is living and I’m not.” Be your partner. Self-partner yourself. How about that?
You hit the nail. I like what you said here. We were saying words that you say to someone else, but the words that we say to ourselves, they are heavy too. They have weight as well. We have to be mindful of that.
The brain releases these amazing chemicals. Hormones and neurotransmitters. They impact our behavior. Behavior is never just random. If you crave a piece of chocolate, there is something happening in your brain and obviously, there is a need for something. You get up and you go and look for it wherever that is. You can go to the supermarket or you go to your neighbor. I never have chocolate in my place so I go to my neighbors and I need it now. I know she has a cabinet full of it. It’s driven by this need for dopamine. You want to feel good. You need serotonin. Where you eat that chocolate, you get that whole flood but you can’t store these chemicals.
It’s the same thing with those negative words. The ones you say to yourself, “I’m not this, I’m not that, I don’t have that, I lack this, or that person hurts me. That person said that about me. You never said that.” Those examples you gave. All of that also releases chemicals. You get stressed and tense. Your brain is based on cortisol and whatever other stress amounts. What does that do for you? You behave in that way too. The thing that most people sometimes forget or don’t know is when you feel stressed and your brain is the amygdala. I like to call it the inner mind Chihuahua. It’s always looking out for threats and danger.
What happens is that you switch on automatically the fear circuits are switched on. When those words that you just think are words, they aren’t just words because they have just switched on the inner mind Chihuahua, the smoke detector. Now your fear computer is on. You are either freeze, fight, flight, or even faint. I like to add that one faint. That is reactive.
When we are reactive, that’s when you hurt with even more words and that ripple effect. I always say the ripple effect that you send out into the world is your responsibility. Never talk around the world, the immediate circle around you, or a bit further away. You should always be aware of that magnetic ripple effect that you are sending out into the world to impact the world one way or the other. How can we improve the world if we don’t take that into consideration?
Own it. I love that inner mind Chihuahua.
Just barking danger and threats.
Even with fear, not to say people underestimated, but I don’t think they grasp the power that it has and can have on our lives when we decide to play with it. Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate that. I appreciate the story that you shared when your mother passed away. My condolences to you and your family. You shared how that particular situation caused you to feel a certain way and to shut down where you couldn’t be yourself. You were like one person on the inside, but someone different on the outside and how what they said. I loved how you did it when you applied it to you and you said, “The positive words, the negative words, and then even those resourceful words,” is what you said.
Those resourceful words, even though they come across as sounding good, be strong. The use of it at the time did not serve you at all. I appreciate you sharing that. Share with us some of the words that you may have said or said to someone. Tell us the story of the negative words and the hurtful words that you said that inflict pain and hurt.
I had a very close friend, we are still good friends, but it took about four years for us to have that discussion. My mom died at nineteen and I had to become a woman, an adult, and a functioning human being, trying to find her way in life. For a long time, I considered myself a crazy cocktail with different ingredients that I picked up along the way.
I’m going into my 30s at some point I just like, “None of it was working. This concussion was not working.” It has taken that long to realize what do want and what needs to get out. I learned to do things myself. There was no mom to ask. We were far away from home. When people would say, “Is everything okay?” I’m like, “Don’t worry. Don’t bother.” I met this friend and she would say, “Do you want me to do it?” “No, it’s okay. Don’t bother.”
I thought about this in a sense. I never thought about it. There is something called emotional mastery. Emotions also make you feel a certain way because your brain is releasing certain chemicals and you are either being responsive because your PFC, the prefrontal cortex is able to assess the situation without taking things personally or the primal brain takes over and then you become reactive.
I never thought about it. When I said, “Don’t bother. It’s fine.” It’s not because I don’t care about you. It’s not because I think you can’t do things. For a while, we didn’t talk for two years and then we did see each other again. I remember her saying, “It used to hurt me. I just have to tell you this because it hurt me that you always made me feel as if I was not able to support you in any form or help you.”
I was like, “What are you talking about? Why would you think that?” When I tried to suggest something you always say, “Don’t worry and don’t bother. You always help me.” She felt that I gave a lot or I supported a lot, but I would never allow her help. I realized this was something I learned from my business partner Karen Fredericks about this systemic approach.
There has to be an equal amount of giving and taking. You may think, “I don’t want to take what I give and you should be happy.” However, how can that person be happy when you are not giving the person the same opportunity to experience what it is to give back? You love that person’s flow of feeling like, “I’m also supporting. I’m helping.” It started with, “Don’t bother.”
Two years of not talking and another two years for her to say, “I need to tell you this. This disturbed me a lot.” I read this and I said, “There is a time for something. There is a place for something.” Being strong in a different place would have worked magic. When I got it in that combination, it wasn’t the right place and wasn’t the right time.
This giving and taking and I think that is what it is about when it comes to words. It’s so nice or interesting when I see people taking things personally like, “That’s the way he said it.” It was all of the boss, the colleague, the family, the cousin, and the aunt. I don’t know. Never assessing how you come across.
You know how you feel when you get the no. If you were in an FMRI scanner, it’s a huge donut magnet that can take a video of the neural changes happening in your brain. You can see when somebody says, “No, don’t.” These researchers show a substantial increase of activity in your amygdala, the inner mind Chihuahua and the release of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters. These chemicals immediately interrupt the normal functioning of your brain. Especially those that are involved with logical reasoning, language processing, and communication. Isn’t that what words are about? Neuroscience even shows us that words change the brain because they impact.
If you don’t have an emotional master if you have not developed that skill or if you have not developed your self-awareness, ability to self-regulate. My mentor said, “You can’t allow in others what you don’t allow in yourself.” Not only focusing on how you felt but sitting down and saying, “Is there a way I talk that impacts others that I’m not aware of?” I didn’t know that, “Don’t bother.” I affected someone for four years. That’s incredible. It’s not an insult. “No, don’t bother.” It’s not like I said it aggressively, but for her, it was a big deal.You can't allow in others what you don't allow in yourself. Click To Tweet
Thank you for that because I had shared on the initial show of this topic how I went in and I went in hard on my goddaughter. It took five years, maybe a little bit more, for her to warm up to another relationship. At that time, I had to work on me. I had to do the work on me because I was showing up and I was trying to dodge right there not face it and not own it because when the situation happened I knew I was right and I was like, “No need to apologize.” It wasn’t until I went in and start doing the internal work that it showed up and was like, “You were dead wrong.” There’s wrong but then there was dead wrong and you were that.
With that, I was able to acknowledge it. In my training, especially when I’m speaking with young people, I tell them, “First, you have to uncover it.” Even when you know it happened, we are still trying to push it up underneath the rug. You have to uncover it and that’s what they did. I had to uncover it and then I had to acknowledge what I did. It’s not like, “She made me, she wouldn’t have, or if she didn’t.” No. I have said those things and I take full responsibility for saying those things and then you have to own it. That’s where taking responsibility comes in. You own those things that you say and then you begin to live and walk in it. How you are showing up.
When you say something that had impacted them in a negative way, such as this situation with my goddaughter, it made me, as I said, look at myself and I went and asked for forgiveness. Here’s what I did and I spoke about this as well. When I asked for forgiveness, I gave her the space. I gave her the space to heal. I gave her the space that she need to process whatever it was that she needed to process to determine if she wanted this relationship or not.
For me, it was, “If you don’t, I’m okay with it as well.” I had to do the work for me. It wasn’t just do the work on me just to get the relationship back, it was do the work on me and realize if she never wants to speak to me again, I would be okay because I own and rectified what it is that I did and how I treated her.
I just wanted to add that because I spoke about it as well. You made me think of it when you said four years. Our words will cause time to go by and before we know it, we have lived those four years or whatever and we are like, “Why didn’t you?” Thank you so much for that. Now let me ask you this. What are some of the unspoken words that you know you need to say?
I appreciate you. I see you. I hear you. I believe in you. I believe in what you are able to do if you choose to do it. Not just I believe in you. You are going to be wonderful when you grow up. There not going to be any problems. All that brainwashing. No. I believe that whatever you choose to do with intention and attention you will see through. It may not be easy, but you will see through.
It’s so important to take the time to do that. Everybody is in a rush. Everybody doesn’t have time. Nobody has time to send a text message. Every Monday in the morning after my quiet time, I’m like, “Almost five people whom you want to wish a great week and weekend.” I just say, “Friend, hope you are doing well. I’m wishing you and hugging you. I see you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being part of my life.”Whatever you choose to do with intention and attention, you will see through. It may not be easy, but you'll see through. It's so important to take the time to do that. Click To Tweet
I’m going to piggyback on that because that’s something that I need to do as well. Thank you for that.
It’s beautiful because instead of looking for, “I need my coffee to feel alive.” How alive do I feel when I just have this practice where I know I have taken that time and I call people Bella? I call them love. I even call some people chicka boom. People go, “What is chicka boom?” I said, “It’s just my way of saying I love it’s my love.” Give the girls a hug. Tell them Omo will see them next weekend or whatever. These are friends of mine. They have got two kids and I just like to come play with them. Let’s sing. Let’s go to the park. Let’s walk in the garden. These are the little things that you can do to start practicing how to use words.
People think it’s by practicing that you get better. No, it’s by becoming comfortable in repeatedly doing something, even if it doesn’t always have that impact that you want immediately. Learning what it means to let go of expectations with the brain in mind because we all know the brain fears losses. Also, we think it’s good to say let go. Just let it go. Your brain, the inner mind Chihuahua is let it go is equal to lose. If I lose, I die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to lose. What are the fears? Loss of finance, status, health, certainty, love, and belonging. When you say let go, the brain does a lot to keep us alive. The last thing it wants to do is let go.
It’s like letting go of expectations. That is a very difficult thing to do. Enter a relationship and you expect the person to say I love you every five minutes. Maybe two weeks later it’s not every five minutes, it becomes every hour. He doesn’t love me anymore. Even those expectations, they thought the way you interpret words.
Speaking of expectations, as you are saying, letting go of the expectations. I say zero them out. Sometimes we go into places or interact with people and we have high expectations of them and they don’t perform or they don’t meet our expectations and then we are disappointed and they are unaware of the expectations. They are just showing up and doing just normal stuff. They don’t know that they have expectations of them.
It’s not anybody’s responsibility to meet your expectation because those are internal dialogues and formulas that you have built up without actually testing how valid, how feasible, and how viable these expectations are. When you don’t manage or learn the skill of dealing with expectations, eliminating them, or whatever you want to do with them, you set yourself up for disappointment on a daily basis. Multiple times during the day, new managers coming, I expect this. New companies coming, I expect this. All these expectations. Sometimes I tell people to sit down and take note of every time you expect something and tell me how many times this expectation was met.
Especially when it had nothing to do with you, but the expectations of everybody else. I had a client once and she said, “I made the list and my expectations had nothing to do with me. It always had I expect him to do that. I expect them to do that.” I said, “That’s like expecting a banana to turn into a tomato so that you can make a tomato sauce.” What expectation is that?
That’s just ridiculous. I said, “That’s not, not the banana’s fault if it doesn’t turn into a tomato. That’s you and your imagination.” The issue of expectation is never the other people. It is you. Sit down and check those words. What is it that you expect? Why do you expect that? How does it just impact your work? When you have expectations, it comes out wrong because they will never meet it.
You are so on point. Thank you so much. I have one more question that I want to ask you for your final words. What is it that you do specifically to manage your tongue and your words?
I wake up every morning. I started by opening my eyes and saying, “Thank you. Another day for me to practice being the best good human that I can be today. Learning, growing, apologizing if I make a mistake and just being human and always putting a smile on people’s faces in one form or the other.” Never feeling too big, too small, and too special to do that because a smile can change the words going on in another person’s mind, isn’t it? I pray and meditate. I journal for a few minutes and then I also go to my balcony when it’s still nice and dark and I spray my invisible anti-stick spray. It’s against words.
I spray everywhere and I say, “As I go out today, I do not know who I will meet. I do not know who I will impact. All I know is that as I go out, the only expectation I have of myself is to be the best good human I can be today with what I know, with my experience, with what I’m going to learn, and with what I discover, open my eyes and anything that does not serve me.” Just let it slide down, that I can let go of because I don’t take it. I don’t absorb it to start.
You have been phenomenal, awesome, and amazing. Please, I would love for you to share. How can our readers and supporters contact you? Do that first and then please leave them with a nugget or take away something juicy that they can chew on between now and the next episode.
You can find me on LinkedIn. If you are on LinkedIn Omozua Isiramen or my website, Omozua.com, my name. What’s the nugget that I would like to share? My grandmother always said, “Don’t make labels about you. Don’t wear the labels that people stick on you yours.” You don’t need to wear them. Never forget what you look like. Never forget how you have been made. We all have a temple and the Universe, I call it the Universe, higher power, God. He’s giving you a temple to take care of. If the Universe, God, or the higher energy wanted your temple to be in any other form, He would have made it like that. You just be in yourself and don’t wear labels that don’t belong to you.
You shared with us some wisdom from your grandmother, which is still true. It still can apply. You have been amazing and phenomenal.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thank you for all that you shared. Our readers and supporters, I know they got knowledge because you gave so much. I just want to say thank you for pouring into our support and our community and sharing what the weight of your words looks like, and how you were able to uncover, acknowledge, own, and live in the words.
Not those words that are going to harm people and hurt people, but those that are going to empower and lift people. One of the things you also said is to be mindful of the words because some of those resourceful words when said at the wrong time can have an impact on you as well. You have been a phenomenal guest. Thank you so very much for saying yes. I appreciate you so very much.
Thank you for having me. It’s been an amazing time.
You are welcome. I will see you on our next call. We got homework to do. Get your homework done.
That call I’m talking about get your homework done. Thank you. You are a blessing and you are amazing. I’m so glad that you are you unapologetically.
Thank you so much. You too. Bye.
I don’t know about you, but I’m hyped and I’m excited. What a phenomenal conversation we had. I ask this question because I want you, guys, to answer this question. I ask it as I end every episode. How many words would you say you are away from totally ruining someone else’s life? How many words would you say that you are away from ruining your own life or wrecking your own life or someone else’s? I just want you to know it. Your list shouldn’t be long because sometimes it only requires one. We all know it’s easy if you are not mindful of words because our words carry weight. They are not equally weighted and the source matters. The source of the word determines the weight because it matters.
Pay attention to the negative words because like I said, depending on who you are talking to, to counterbalance it, we are talking nine plus. 9 to 30 words that you have to use to counterbalance those negative words. With that, you guys know that it is so easy. It’s so easy for us to lose ourselves in clashing ideas, conflicting beliefs, and the flood. We are so flooded with information, with society’s rigid expectations and endless opinions. Self-expression and self-appreciation can feel challenging and daunting. When this happens, most of the time what we do is push it away or we dumb down, or we run and we hide who we are or we just go with whatever that person is saying.
As Omo said, we wear that label when we shouldn’t be wearing that label. I need you to be clear. I need you to understand that you are you unapologetically. That means being true to how you were created and not allowing people’s opinions to affect how you show up in life. We all know people are going to talk. Let them talk. You keep it moving because you have no time. I have no time. We have no time to be intimidated by the presence of others and think so little of ourselves. We don’t have time for that. When you show up without pretense or hesitation, when the world gets to see who you are, when you are not being a fake and phony, when you show up the way that you were created to be, the world cannot dull your glamor.
They cannot put a shade over your light. Most importantly, you will be inspired to shine your light. Shine it. You are going to share it. You are going to help others to tap into their brilliance. Let’s continue to agree that we are going to put an end to the disparaging mindset that begins to own our authentic selves.
That’s what you are you are all about. That’s what YAYU is all about. Join me here where we create a safe space. You have been here for a while and we initiate influential conversations about you being you unapologetically. You are you unapologetically and there is no one who is better at being you than you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. I love you and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Until then, take care. Bye-bye.
About Omozua Isiramen
She has spent over twenty years achieving specialization in neuro-agility, emotional mastery, and actionable resilience to empower business owners, sales & corporate professionals, and leaders to reach the next level of success. Omozua fuses her deep understanding of neuroscience with a burning passion for leadership and personal
development to help individuals modify their unique inner formula and push through limitations.
Having trained with one of the world’s top executive coaching authorities, John Mattone, who famously worked with and coached Steve Jobs, Omozua masterfully uses her certification in Intelligent Leadership Executive Coaching and the intensive training in neuroscience and leadership development coaching she received to deliver neuroscience-based strategies that have been tried and tested across the board to help leaders significantly improve performance. Omozua’s ability to coach accomplished professionals to overcome their limiting barriers and unleash their potential to attain mastery stems from extensive experience in several areas, including brain-based Personal and Leadership Development, Neuro Agility, Emotional Intelligence & Mastery, and Effective Communication Training.
As a pioneer in the brain-driven people development field, She’s diverse experiences living in various countries across the Western European and Western African regions have put her in an excellent position to serve a global client base with an unparalleled appreciation for cultural and emotional nuances and the human drive.
Outside the professional sphere, Omozua dedicates herself to empowering women and young girls by actively volunteering her time to help them grow and flourish. She is deeply passionate about the inner workings of the human brain and emotions, and is committed to making continual contributions that advance the real-world application of insights from the field of neuroscience.